I started reading the book, “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud
and Dr. John Townsend. The book makes me very uncomfortable. I keep thinking they must be taking
liberties, or that they are coming from a lopsided overly individualistic
Western worldview. In reality, I think
the main problem is that I have problems with boundaries in my life. I think I sometimes have a hard time
distinguishing the difference between the sacrificial love/servant heart to
which Jesus calls us and giving out of what I don’t have (and it ends in
disaster—depletes, crushes, and depresses me, while it angers, disappoints, and enables others).
“Made in the image of God, we were
created to take responsibility for certain tasks. Part of taking responsibility, or ownership,
is know what is our job, and what isn’t.
Workers who continually take on duties that aren’t theirs will
eventually burn out. It takes wisdom to
know what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t. We can’t do everything. “ p.27
An area where the book addresses this is by distinguishing
between “burdens” and “loads”:
“We are responsible to others and
for ourselves. ‘Carry each other’s burdens,” says Galatians 6:2, “and in this
way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” This verse shows our responsibility to
one another. Many times we others have “burdens”
that are too big too bear. They do not
have enough strength, resources, or knowledge to carry the load, and they need
help. Denying ourselves to do for others
what they cannot do for themselves is showing the sacrificial love of
Christ. This is what Christ did for us.
He did what we could not do for ourselves; he saved us. This is being responsible ‘to’.
On the other hand, verse 5 says
that ‘each one should carry his own load.’ Everyone has responsibilities that
only he or she can carry. These things
are our own particular ‘load; that we need to take daily responsibility for and
work out. No one can do certain things
for us. We have to take ownership of
certain aspects of life that are our own ‘load’.
The Greek words for burden and load
give us insight into the meaning of these texts. The Greek word for burden means ‘excess
burdens,’ or burdens that are so heavy that they weigh us down. These burdens are like boulders. They can crush us. We shouldn’t be expected to carry a boulder
by ourselves! It would break our backs.
We need help with the boulders—those times of crisis and tragedy in our lives.
In contrast, the Greek word for
load means ‘cargo’ or ‘the burden of daily toil.’ This word describes the everyday things we
all need to do. Those loads are like knapsacks. Knapsacks are possible to carry. We are expected to carry our own. We are expected to deal with our own
feelings, attitudes, and behaviors, as well as the responsibilities God has
given to each one of us, even though it takes effort.
Problems arise when people act as
if their ‘boulders’ are daily loads, and refuse help, or as if their ‘daily
loads’ are boulders they shouldn’t have to carry. The results of these two instances are either
perpetual pain or irresponsibility.
Lets we stay in pain or become
irresponsible, it is very important to determine what ‘me’ is, where my
boundary of responsibility is and where someone else’s begins. “ p.32-33.
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