Treasure

image courtesy of google images

All I have to do is open my eyes.  Whether I am watching my television, browsing Facebook, or stepping out my front door, it beckons to me…awakening a desire that ironically has less to do with what is outside of me than what is within me.  A healthy and attractive body, a great personality, a meaningful and interesting occupation, a secure income, a retirement plan, a loving and appealing spouse, 2.5 healthy and obedient kids, cool and engaging friends, a comfortable home filled with beautiful and innovative things, experiences that appeal to our physical senses, the praise of others…it’s the American Dream.  Add going to a “successful” (read: large, hip, program-rich, entertaining church) and participating in a satisfying ministry and the Christian American Dream is not much different.

Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with any of these things.  To the contrary, all of these things at their best are simply good gifts given by a gracious Heavenly Father. When received with the grateful, God-focused heart, they are blessings.  When sought after with a ravenous, lustful, insatiable, idolatrous, apathetic heart, they breed bondage and discontentment.

As fallen humans, we turn at least some of these things into distractions from our true purpose as children of God, either because: 1) we are so satiated by these things that we no longer feel our need for God and we no longer live for what is beyond this life--the hope of glory—a life where we will joyfully experience the presence of God with no limitations; or 2) we lust after these things more than we hunger after God and His kingdom; or 3) we wallow in our self-pity when we do not have these things; or 4) we are driven by and for these things and so we order our lives based on the pursuit of these things.  Most of us have struggled in all of these ways.

I recently had a conversation with a good friend about how our lives did not turn out as we had expected or planned.  We were talking about how much of our expectations of life had more to do with our own comfort than it did with the fact that God is preparing us for something that is so much more than this life.

Today I listened to this sermon from John Piper: http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/when-a-lover-of-good-thinks-about-evil

This section really spoke to me:

O how easy it is to slip into a morose pity-party that our little heaven on earth is becoming a hell! We were never promised that earth would be our heaven before Christ returns. And you are preparing for yourself a great disappointment if you try to make it so.

“We rejoice in hope of the glory of God” (Romans 5:2). “In this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience” — joyful patience (Romans 8:24–25). “Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory” (1 Peter 1:8).

I am reminded that this life is not all that there is.  As I once heard a friend describe it, we are in the middle! This life is not an end, but rather this life is a means to an end.  It is leading us somewhere.  For those who belong to Christ, all the things of this life—the good, the bad, the easy, the difficult—all of it is being used to conform our character to Christ’s character and to transform us from one degree of glory to the next. 

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.” (Romans 8:28-30 ESV)

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18 ESV)

Believing that there is a God who is greater than anything we can imagine and believing our life has a bigger purpose than what we see around us on a daily basis, leads us to the following:

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  (Matthew 6:19-21 ESV)

The things we treasure above God are often so subtley interwoven into our lives and motives that we do not even conciously recognize them.  How can we know where our treasure is? 

            What occupies our thoughts and why?

            What occupies our time and why?

            Where does our money go and why?            

            Where does our energy go and why?

            What makes us happy and why?

            What makes us depressed and why?

            What makes us feel desperate and why?

            What could we not live without and why?

            What makes us feel insecure or confident and why?

            How do we define success?

Oh Lord, teach us to sing from the depths of hearts along with the Psalmist and to live out with our thoughts, plans, actions, and affections the following:

            How lovely is your dwelling place,

                        O LORD of hosts!
            My soul longs, yes, faints
                        for the courts of the LORD;
            my heart and flesh sing for joy
                        to the living God.

            Even the sparrow finds a home,

                        and the swallow a nest for herself,
                        where she may lay her young,
            at your altars, O LORD of hosts,
                        my King and my God.

            Blessed are those who dwell in your house,

                        ever singing your praise! Selah
            Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
                        in whose heart are the highways to Zion.

            As they go through the Valley of Baca

                        they make it a place of springs;
                        the early rain also covers it with pools.
            They go from strength to strength;
                        each one appears before God in Zion.

            O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer;

                        give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah

            Behold our shield, O God;

                        look on the face of your anointed!

            For a day in your courts is better
                        than a thousand elsewhere.

            I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God

                       than dwell in the tents of wickedness.

            For the LORD God is a sun and shield;

                        the LORD bestows favor and honor.

            No good thing does he withhold

                        from those who walk uprightly.

            O LORD of hosts,

                        blessed is the one who trusts in you!

(Psalm 84 ESV)

           

           

Learning

(thank you google images)

It has been so long since I last posted and even longer since I last wrote something for my blog. I miss blogging.  I miss the structure of having a space where I can process what God is teaching me, bringing me through, and bringing me to.  My mind and my heart have been on overdrive in this season of life.  My energy has been focused on putting one foot in front of the other. So, this is my attempt to ease back into blogging.  J

A Few Things That God is Teaching Me in this Season: 

1)      My identity and self-worth is grossly misplaced.  (See details below)

2)      As Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, "When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die." -Cost of Discipleship.  The Bible says, “And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:38-39 ESV)

3)      A fruitful or “successful” or “productive” life is a life lived in love—living out of God’s love for us by loving God, loving His Church, and loving all people. I can be a gifted speaker, a prophet, a brilliant and wise person, I can give up all that I have and do all sorts of daring, innovative and incredible things, but if I don’t love, everything I do is pointless! (1 Cor 13).

4)      Biblical love is not intuitive and does not look like what I see in the world.  Biblical love is selfless, sacrificial, risk-taking, protective, active, sincere, affectionate, bold, gracious, prayerful, and scandalous.   Biblical love is Jesus dying on the cross in the place of sinners.  Biblical love is Jesus, the King of Kings, washing the feet of his humble disciples, including the one He knew would betray Him to His torture and death!  Biblical love is Jesus standing between the woman caught in adultery and the self-righteous powerful Pharisees who would stone her.  Biblical love is Jesus weeping with His grieving friends, even though He knew that Lazarus would rise from the dead. Biblical love is given by the Holy Spirit who fills us with this love as we seek the face of God.

5)      Loving people by the Holy Spirit in the way that Jesus modeled, IS carrying our cross and does require at great sacrifice.  As we lay down our life in big and small ways and as we wash the feet of those around us, we step into the life God has for us—fruitful, joyful, kingdom life that is dependent on the God who is our Tender Loving Father and that is empowered by the same God who is Sovereign Almighty Ruler of All!

Today, I will focus on the first thing on the list I made above: identity.

My identity is as a child of Almighty God and a co-heir with Christ.  As someone who has grown up in the church and who has been a Christian for at least 26 years, this news is no surprise in theory.  What has been surprising to me is how much I place my identity and self-worth in things that are not Him.  I did not see the subtle and deep ways in which this has been true in my life.  My identity and self-worth have been intertwined with factors such as relational success, career, ambition, and appearance.  In the last five years, many of these crutches have been taken away in my life and have been exposed for what they are—crutches and lifeless idols. 

Relational success: I have always considered relating to people to be one of my strong points in family, in church, and in my career.  This season has been marked by trying relationships.  I have been overbearing and too quick to speak and too slow to listen.  I have struggled with bitterness and resentment.  I have been overcome with grief.  And I have succumbed to despair, apathy, and isolation. From others, I have personally experienced abandonment, betrayal, and false accusations.  I have also witnessed selfish ambition break fellowship in the family of God and lead to confusion, depression and challenges of faith in so many sheep in the flock of God.  I have been led by God to speak up and act in situations that have been uncomfortable and that have had great personal cost, including lost or strained friendships, lost income, and lost reputation (being liked/respected/associated with). The ugliness of sin in me and among God’s people has been disillusioning, even though it should come as no surprise in the sense that we are all fallen creatures in the process of being redeemed to what we were made to be as image bearers of Christ.

Career: In order to pursue becoming a mother, I resigned from a job I loved as an attorney in an exciting and fulfilling social justice field.  After years of trying, motherhood never came for me.  I am not sure if it ever will.  At the same time, it does not seem that the Lord is leading me to pursue re-entry into the legal field for now. This season of limbo makes me feel aimless and restless.

Ambition: This has a lot to do with the relational success and career for me, but in broader terms, I would say that the way that ambition has become an identity crutch for me is that I have always had a clear next step in life—whether that was college, law school, becoming an attorney, building my career, becoming a wife, being involved in various ministries, etc.  Now, my next steps are not so clear. My planned next step has been motherhood, and so far that has not come to fruition (and the clock ticks away). In the past, I was always “doing something”—being in school, being a part of a social justice movement, volunteering, being active in ministry, etc.  Because of the season that God has me in where I am doing a lot of reflecting and healing, I have scaled back on a lot of these activities from which I was deriving identity and worth.  Because of the brokenness I have been experiencing, many dreams/life goals have been put on hold.

Appearance:  This one may be the most embarrassing one for me to admit because of how shallow it is.  I am at my all-time highest weight. I feel ugly.  Nothing fits the way it is supposed to and I am not as energetic as I used to be.  Like so many women, I have struggled all of my life with attaching my identity and worth to how attractive I feel.  I find myself engaging in negative self-talk, focusing on how ugly and worthless I feel about my appearance.  These words are words I would never think about another person and would never say to another person who is struggling with their weight.  I get caught up in the cycle of striving, performance, failure, and despair when it comes to trying to lose weight. I have so much mental and emotional energy expended in this area of my life, and it distracts me from the things I want my life to be about.  When I die, I don’t want to be remembered as a “skinny person” or a “cute person”.  I want to be remembered as a daughter of God who treasured Christ and accordingly lived a life marked by joyful obedience, loving others as one who has been loved extravagantly by her Savior.  Sure, this vision ought to have implications on my relationship to food and activity, but food, activity and weight are not the point in themselves.

There are other ways (some known to me and others not yet known) in which I derive my identity and worth in sources that are not God. But these are some primary ways that God is exposing for me to see in this season of my life. While these things are not necessarily bad things in themselves (i.e. it is good to have harmony in our relationships, it is good to have plans and work toward goals, etc.) they become dysfunctional when they begin to define us in the place of Christ.   As these empty crutches are exposed and uprooted in my life, I find myself longing to say with Paul, “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” (Philippians 3:7-11 ESV)

My identity and worth is as an image bearer of God (Genesis 1:26-27).

My identity and worth is as one who is loved by Almighty God. (Isaiah 49:15-16; Zeph 3:17; John 3:16; 1 John 3)

My identity and worth is as one who is chosen, made clean, being sanctified, adopted, blessed, redeemed, forgiven, given a purpose and a future and a hope and an inheritance. (See Ephesians 1: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.” (Ephesians 1:3-14 ESV)

Where is your identity?  What makes you feel worthy or unworthy?  What makes you feel content or discontented? Whose approval or affection or association or behavior or misbehavior makes or breaks you? What are you saying in your self- talk?  What insecurities occupy your thoughts and how does that measure up with what God says about you?  What thoughts and activities occupy your days?  What drives you? What do you want to be known for?

Bono interview with Michka Assayas (copyright 2005)

As this is Easter week, I reflect on how different Jesus is--different from my flesh, different from my greatest earthly heroes, different from the worst I see in humanity.  He is different.  And yet, He identified with us, took on our fraility, and took on the consequences of our wandering hearts.  This week, I re-read this interview by U2's Bono and I am struck again by how remarkable Jesus is!

From: "Bono in Conversation with Michka Assayas New York: Penguin Books, 2005

"Bono: My understanding of the Scriptures has been made simple by the person of Christ. Christ teaches that God is love. What does that mean? What it means for me: a study of the life of Christ. Love here describes itself as a child born in straw poverty, the most vulnerable situation of all, without honor. I don't let my religious world get too complicated. I just kind of go: Well, I think I know what God is. God is love, and as much as I respond [sighs] in allowing myself to be transformed by that love and acting in that love, that's my religion. Where things get complicated for me, is when I try to live this love. Now that's not so easy.

Assayas: What about the God of the Old Testament? He wasn't so "peace and love"?

Bono: There's nothing hippie about my picture of Christ. The Gospels paint a picture of a very demanding, sometimes divisive love, but love it is. I accept the Old Testament as more of an action movie: blood, car chases, evacuations, a lot of special effects, seas dividing, mass murder, adultery. The children of God are running amok, wayward. Maybe that's why they're so relatable. But the way we would see it, those of us who are trying to figure out our Christian conundrum, is that the God of the Old Testament is like the journey from stern father to friend. When you're a child, you need clear directions and some strict rules. But with Christ, we have access in a one-to-one relationship, for, as in the Old Testament, it was more one of worship and awe, a vertical relationship. The New Testament, on the other hand, we look across at a Jesus who looks familiar, horizontal. The combination is what makes the Cross.

Assayas: Speaking of bloody action movies, we were talking about South and Central America last time. The Jesuit priests arrived there with the gospel in one hand and a rifle in the other.

Bono: I know, I know. Religion can be the enemy of God. It's often what happens when God, like Elvis, has left the building. [laughs] A list of instructions where there was once conviction; dogma where once people just did it; a congregation led by a man where once they were led by the Holy Spirit. Discipline replacing discipleship. Why are you chuckling?.......
................

Assayas: I think I am beginning to understand religion because I have started acting and thinking like a father. What do you make of that?

Bono: Yes, I think that's normal. It's a mind-blowing concept that the God who created the universe might be looking for company, a real relationship with people, but the thing that keeps me on my knees is the difference between Grace and Karma.

Assayas: I haven't heard you talk about that.

Bono: I really believe we've moved out of the realm of Karma into one of Grace.

Assayas: Well, that doesn't make it clearer for me.

Bono: You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics; in physical laws every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that "as you reap, so you will sow" stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff.

Assayas: I'd be interested to hear that.

Bono: That's between me and God. But I'd be in big trouble if Karma was going to finally be my judge. I'd be in deep s---. It doesn't excuse my mistakes, but I'm holding out for Grace. I'm holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the Cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don't have to depend on my own religiosity.

Assayas: The Son of God who takes away the sins of the world. I wish I could believe in that.

Bono: But I love the idea of the Sacrificial Lamb. I love the idea that God says: Look, you cretins, there are certain results to the way we are, to selfishness, and there's a mortality as part of your very sinful nature, and, let's face it, you're not living a very good life, are you? There are consequences to actions. The point of the death of Christ is that Christ took on the sins of the world, so that what we put out did not come back to us, and that our sinful nature does not reap the obvious death. That's the point. It should keep us humbled . It's not our own good works that get us through the gates of heaven.

Assayas: That's a great idea, no denying it. Such great hope is wonderful, even though it's close to lunacy, in my view. Christ has his rank among the world's great thinkers. But Son of God, isn't that farfetched?

Bono: No, it's not farfetched to me. Look, the secular response to the Christ story always goes like this: he was a great prophet, obviously a very interesting guy, had a lot to say along the lines of other great prophets, be they Elijah, Muhammad, Buddha, or Confucius. But actually Christ doesn't allow you that. He doesn't let you off that hook. Christ says: No. I'm not saying I'm a teacher, don't call me teacher. I'm not saying I'm a prophet. I'm saying: "I'm the Messiah." I'm saying: "I am God incarnate." And people say: No, no, please, just be a prophet. A prophet, we can take. You're a bit eccentric. We've had John the Baptist eating locusts and wild honey, we can handle that. But don't mention the "M" word! Because, you know, we're gonna have to crucify you. And he goes: No, no. I know you're expecting me to come back with an army, and set you free from these creeps, but actually I am the Messiah. At this point, everyone starts staring at their shoes, and says: Oh, my God, he's gonna keep saying this. So what you're left with is: either Christ was who He said He was the Messiah or a complete nutcase. I mean, we're talking nutcase on the level of Charles Manson. This man was like some of the people we've been talking about earlier. This man was strapping himself to a bomb, and had "King of the Jews" on his head, and, as they were putting him up on the Cross, was going: OK, martyrdom, here we go. Bring on the pain! I can take it. I'm not joking here. The idea that the entire course of civilization for over half of the globe could have its fate changed and turned upside-down by a nutcase, for me, that's farfetched
Bono later says it all comes down to how we regard Jesus:

Bono: If only we could be a bit more like Him, the world would be transformed. When I look at the Cross of Christ, what I see up there is all my s--- and everybody else's. So I ask myself a question a lot of people have asked: Who is this man? And was He who He said He was, or was He just a religious nut? And there it is, and that's the question. And no one can talk you into it or out of it."

Heartbreak

I am both brokenhearted and a heartbreaker.

No, I am not a heartbreaker in the Hollywood sense, nor have I ever had a broken heart in the Hollywood sense.  (In fact, I have never been through a break up at all since Kristian is the only person I have ever dated.)  Still, like any married couple, Kristian and I have broken each other’s hearts many times by our sin against each other.  And in addition to breaking his heart,  I am also sad to say that I have broken many other hearts by my own sin (such as pride, selfishness, selfish ambition, fear of man, lack of love, bitterness, ignorance, apathy, judgmental-ness, overbearingness, laziness, etc. and etc.)  And like everyone else, I have also had my heart broken by others in this way.  

In addition to causing heartbreak to ourselves and others, our sin against one another and the resulting damage also grieves the God who loves us! 

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

(Ephesians 4:30-32 ESV)

In recent years, a major source of heartbreak in my life has been from brokenness in the Body of Christ.   This type of heartbreak in the Body of Christ is hard to handle because it seems that we should know better in that we have witnessed and experienced the most profound, amazing, other-worldly love—the love of God demonstrated in Christ!!   

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
(John 13:34-35 ESV)

From this verse, we see that:

1) God calls us to love one another;

2) God has loved us;  

3) God’s love for us in Jesus is the model for how we are to love each other; and

4) The way that everyone will know that we belong to Jesus is by our Christ-like love for one another.

This an easily overlooked, but very profound and vital truth.  God calls us to love, not as the world loves, but in the way that He loves us—sincerely, effacaciously, affectionately, sacrificially and scandalously!  He demonstrated His love for us through great sacrifice even while we were His enemies!  He stood up for us against our accuser (and still does)!  And when we love with THIS kind of lavish other-worldly love, people will know that we are His!!

In recent years, I have witnessed and experienced conflict in the Body of Christ unlike what I have ever experienced before and it has caused my heart to ache in ways it has never done before—both because of my own sin and the sin of others.  I have seen and experienced abandonment, slander, false accusations, and friendships that have ended in angry lashing out or fizzled out in quiet indifference.  These things are caused by pride, selfish ambition, selfishness, apathy, fear of man, and a plain old lack of love—the kind of love that pursues, engages, forgives, blesses and sacrifices.   I know that this shouldn’t surprises us as we look at our hearts that still struggle with sin and as we consider that God is still patiently opening all of our eyes and gradually transforming all of us.  Yet, the more and more we see and experience the amazing ways that God loves us and calls us to love one another, the more we ache when we do not see this kind of love in ourselves and in other believers.   "For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling..."
(2 Corinthians 5:2 ESV)

My heart is so raw and heavy right now.  If there is anyone out there in cyberspace reading this, will you pray with me?

Heavenly Father, Have mercy on us!   Father, we have not been good image bearers of you.  We have not loved you or others as we ought.  We have forgotten the way that you have loved us when we were your enemy, and accordingly we have not loved others with this kind of love!  Please convict us—convict your Church that we may see our folly!!  Open our eyes to the ways you are calling us to love with sincerity, with truth, with compassion, and with action!  Help us to see your love more and more—help us to be rooted in your love more and more deeply.  May loving others in this way flow out of us as we behold your love for us in your Word.  Bring healing and reconciliation to brothers and sisters in Christ, just as you brought us healing and reconciliation when our sin separated us from you!!  Our hearts are broken over this sin and disunity.  Bind up our broken hearts.  Be near to us.  Bring us comfort and help, we plead with you.  You alone are good!!!  In Jesus Name, Amen

Reconciled

I love the C.S. Lewis book, “The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe”.  Outside of the Bible, it may be the book that best illustrated to me what the gospel really means.  When Edmund betrays Aslan and the “deep magic from the dawn of time,” the price of that treason must be paid in order to preserve justice and goodness.  And yet out of goodness, love, and a heart to be in unhindered relationship with Edmund, the powerful, majestic, perfectly good Aslan, although innocent, humbles himself and willingly pays the high price of Edmund’s treason.  Aslan’s painful and perfect sacrifice defeats death itself and makes a way for Edmund to live and to be in relationship with Aslan.  Edmund and Aslan are reconciled.  This brings great joy and peace to Edmund.

The gospel is all about the fact that we, through the death of Jesus, are reconciled to our perfect and good God—in whom is our every delight! 

In light of this gospel, as Christians we should live with a heart towards reconciliation with our brothers and sisters.  Yet over and over again as Christians and as churches, how many times do we take the path of least resistance when conflict arises---allowing relationships to fizzle out, breaking off relationships altogether, self-righteously judging from afar, aligning ourselves with the popular majority, building walls around our hearts…rather than doing the hard work of love.  These are our instincts.  These are my instincts (most especially in marriage).  How this dishonors the gospel that saved me!

Love pursues, love engages, love acts, and love hopes…even if it requires great sacrifice (and it usually does).

Dear Lord, convict our stubborn hearts!  Open our eyes where we are blind.  Help us to see where we are dishonoring the gospel of love!  Fill us with the Spirit that we would have your eyes and your love for others, even those we find difficult to love and even when it costs us greatly to love.  Give us the power, courage and conviction to do the hard work of love.  May we be so rooted in your sacrificial and grace filled love that loving others in the same way becomes more and more natural to us.  In Jesus name, Amen

Sin in the Church

I am a Christian, and my husband can tell you with confidence that I still sin regularly!  By this I mean that I live, believe, and act outside of my identity in Christ and outside of the way I learned in Him.  Sometimes I do this unknowingly and in accordance with my natural instincts, and other times I do this consciously—quite aware that my thoughts and behaviors conflict with Christ’s character.  Our life (our thoughts, actions, inaction, etc.) flows out from our heart.  Yes, because I have sought refuge—acknowledged my sin and helplessness apart from Jesus, believed in Jesus and the penalty He paid on the cross for my sin, and I have given my life to Him—I am free from the eternal consequences of my sin (i.e. I am no longer separated from God, but rather I joyfully get to live as a daughter of the Almighty, Holy, Good, Loving God forever).  But still, as I walk on this earth, there are places in my heart that are still plagued with all sorts of things that have nothing to do with Jesus’ way--doubt, fear, bitterness, selfish ambition, pride, etc.   And yet, every day that I walk with Jesus, He is transforming my heart—setting it free day by day.  I still regularly go to God in prayer, confessing my sin, and confessing my struggles and the areas of my life that I find it so difficult to change.  I ask for forgiveness, I ask for God’s power—for His love to change me.  I look at the life of Jesus in the Word.  I seek prayer and counsel from my brothers and sisters in Christ who love Jesus and His Word.   I listen (not always well admittedly) to trusted friends who see destructive patterns in my life that I do not always see, and I seek help.  And God patiently and lovingly is changing me.  I love this verse:  “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.  For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18 ESV)

I write all of this publicly because I have been set free from shame.  It does not matter if others find me foolish and weak.   I stand and fall before God not men.  And I am able to stand before God because Jesus is good and perfect and He paid for my sin. I do not want to pretend to be better than I am for many reasons—it is exhausting, I will fail, it is not truthful or real, it produces despair in the lives of others around me who are aware of their own struggles, and I will be exposed for my hypocrisy when I do fail.  Most importantly, I want the gospel to shine through me.  The gospel is the good news about God—that He is good and that He rescues!  The gospel assumes sin—we need rescuing!  As others see my sin and failure, may they also see the God on whom I rely!  May they also see the God who forgives greatly!  May they also see the changes that He is graciously making in me!  May they also see love that is not of this world—the love I have seen and experienced in Him, the love that has changed every fiber of my life!!!!  This is not “be nice to those who are nice to you” kind of love.  This is the kind of love that does not returning evil for evil.  This is the kind of love that forgives big and small things.  This is the kind of love that fights for the lost and for the oppressed.  This is the kind of love that sacrifices greatly in the interest of another.  This is the kind of love that gives even when there is no ability to return.  This is the kind of love that pursues.  This is the kind of love that makes a way for reconciliation.  This is the kind of love that humbles itself.  This is the kind of love that would drive the God of the Universe to pursue His wayward creation in love, to make a way to live in relationship with His Beloved but wayward creation that would not compromise His perfect justice and goodness!  This is the kind of love that would drive the God of the universe to pay the price of sin and rebellion Himself, by stooping down to come to this earth in the frailty of human flesh and to endure the penalty of sin—death and separation from God!

We need only open the newspaper to see that Christians and churches still sin in pretty horrific ways.  We are not called to hide our sin from the world, to lie about it, or cover it up (the effects of that can be ghastly and tragic—look at the sexual abuse in the churches that has been perpetuated by sinful cover ups!).  We are called to live out the gospel!!!  We are called to live in the light and in truth and in love, not to cower or throw stones from afar!  We are called to humbly confess our sin and to go to God and to each other for help!!  We are called to help our brothers and sisters who are in sin.  We are called to faithfully pray, to lovingly pursue, and to sacrificially act.  We are called to protect anyone who is being harmed or abused by another person’s sin.  We are called to live in the light so that the darkness, hiding, secrets, and cover-ups do not beget more sin!!  In this process, the gospel does its work!  In this process, the world can see the love that won us to our Savior. 

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35 ESV)

Walking in the Light and Getting Dirty

I recently read this terrific blogpost by my friend, Wendy:

http://www.theologyforwomen.org/2012/03/dysfunctional-but-cherished-church.html

To those who do not understand the gospel, the story of Hosea and Gomer in the Bible makes no sense. In it, God tells a faithful, godly, man to marry a faithless prostitute who continues to cheat on him throughout their marriage.  As the painful faithlessness continues, God continually instructs Hosea to pursue and forgive his wayward bride.  It is a pretty strange story if you think of it.  And yet, it is a powerful illustration of what God has done for His Bride, the Church.  Yes, the Bride of Christ, the Body of Christ, the Church---we are the prostitute in this story.  We rebelled against God.  God pursued and redeemed us while we were faithless.  And we continue to sin against Him in this life…we have tasted His grace and mercy, we (I) still rebel against His Holy ways in lots of ways, and yet He has paid the price of justice for my sins—past, present, and future.  He continually forgives me as I continually struggle with sin, and He continually changes me so that I am gradually being transformed by His grace!  That is the gospel—or good news!  Though I have been a Christian for over 2 decades, I need this good news still today!!! 

The gospel assumes sin.  The good news is that God pursues us in our sin and rescues us from our sin.  The Church is a mess.  We are a mess.  And yet, we are a beloved mess—beloved by the God of the Universe who paid such a costly price to save us!

As Christians, we are called to live out the gospel.  We are called to live in light of the good news that our God so sacrificially and lovingly stooped down to meet us in our sin against Him and pursued and rescued us—He forgave us and covered our sins.  I see two big ways that the Bible calls Christians to live out the gospel:

1)      Walking in the light—in other words, we are called to be humble, honest, and real.  We are called to confess that we sin.  We are called to confess our sin to one another.  We (Christians as individuals and also collectively as the Church) are not to walk around hiding the fact that we sin (often in big ways...anyone need only open a newspaper to see this!) or that we are weak and in need of a Savior.  If we do not  live like this, we are hypocritical, self-righteous, deluded pharisees (Jesus  actually called them white-washed tombs!)! Again, the gospel assumes our sin.  We allow the good news to shine when we admit that still, despite our sin and weakness, God has done and continues to do a good work in us and through us and despite us.

2)      Getting dirty—Jesus washed the feet of the disciples.  In His day, you can imagine the type of filth that was on the feet of people who walked around on dirt roads in open shoes in the heat without the benefits of modern sanitation and plumbing.  Jesus stooped down and got dirty.  He met these disciples in their filth and He lovingly washed them clean.  Jesus meets us in our sin and shame.  He meets us in the pain of our own sin and weakness and in the pain of the sin that has been done against us.  Scandalously, He even washed the feet of the one whom He knew would betray Him—Judas, a close friend until that time, one in whom He invested and loved and who would sell Jesus to His enemies for a cheap 30 pieces of silver.  Wow.  And then Jesus tells the disciples to go and do likewise!  We are called to get dirty—to meet one another in the messiness of life, to love one another in costly and sacrificial ways, and to even show sincere and scandalous love to those who hurt and betray us!  Are we willing to pay the price??  Are we willing to take up our cross? 

Oh, Jesus, help us to live like this!!  Give us this kind of love that is not natural to us!!  Give us this kind of humility that is not natural to us!!!  Help us to be honest and real.  Give us hearts that are willing to pursue those who are broken and hurting and even those who have sinned against us--depsite the price we often must pay to our pride, our reputation, etc.

Worth and Fruitfulness

1 John 2:15-17 “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”

Last Sunday (2/12/2012), Kristian preached a sermon on the Scripture above scripture.  You can listen to it here: 

http://gracepugetsound.com/sermons/

In listening to his sermon, through our conversations, and just through circumstances in my life right now, this section of Scripture is starting to have a whole new meaning for me.  To be honest, in the past I probably just read right over this Scripture as I waded through the deep waters of 1 John with its innumerable nuggets of rich truth.  Maybe it is because I proudly thought of this Scripture within the context of people who do not think of God at all (they ignore God completely either because they do not believe in Him, or they do not know if they believe in Him and don’t seek to find out, or if they do believe in Him, they still hardly give a second thought to who He is and what implications He has in their life).  Or maybe it is because I proudly read this Scripture and thought of those “weird” Christians who think the Bible means no dancing, no drinking, and no having fun of any kind.  (The “them” and “me” dichotomy I have subconsciously set up here is pretty arrogant on my part, on know!)  Regardless, what I failed to do in the past in reading this Scripture was think of myself.  How does this Scripture apply to my life? 

What I am starting to see is that my “worldliness” is at the root of my discontent in life right now.  My worldly thinking has made me feel unfruitful, as my life does not match up to my worldly notion of “success”.  In turn, my feelings of fruitlessness have made me feel worthless and have led me to despair, which ironically is hindering my fruitfulness in the Biblical sense of the term fruitfulness. 

In this period of my life, I feel like a loser.  I gave up a promising and fulfilling career with the hopes of investing in a family, only to find that I have been unable to have children.  I am at my all-time highest weight and I do not feel attractive at all.  I struggle with being organized and I long to have a well-ordered, pleasant looking, smoothly running home (you know, the kind that does not embarrass you when your neighbors stop by for a chat).  When I try to “work on” things like being organized, losing weight, spending and saving wisely, I fall flat on my face. There are circumstances from my childhood that I have only dealt with in life through unhealthy ways like idolatry, fear, avoidance, manipulation, control, condemnation, and enablement.  I have trusted people and invested in relationships only to be abandoned and betrayed when I outlived my usefulness to them or became too messy for them.  I feel so messed up right now, that I simply do not have the energy or motivation to do much beyond wake up, go to work, come home, watch television, go to bed and start all over again.  And this causes me to feel guilt and condemnation because I want instead to be loving and serving the people in my life and making a difference in this world.  I feel like my life is a waste, I feel worthless, I feel obsolete, and I feel stuck. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are things in the paragraph above that God wants to work through and address in my life through healing and repentance, but as I read that paragraph, I can also see how worldly thinking has permeated my thought life.  My concept of the worth of my life and what makes my life fruitful in God's eyes is very worldly. 

Let us look at worth first.  For my life to be worth something, do I need to have 2.5 kids, be skinny and cute, have the perfect home, have the perfect marriage, have a career that brings me accolades, be financially secure, experience more pleasure than pain, have lots of cool friendships?  According to the Bible, NONE OF THESE THINGS have anything to do with my worth in life.   Maybe that is a no-brainer on paper (it is not a no-brainer for me in the “day to day” of my life though!).   But what about things like overcoming sin and becoming a better person…what do these things have to do with my worth?  While they have something to do with fruitfulness, these things do not have anything to do with worth!  Rather:

1)      My life has worth simply because I was created by the Only, Almighty, Good, Glorious, Creator God in His own image, and He has called His creation good! (see, Genesis 1)  IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE READING THIS, THIS IS TRUE FOR YOU TOO!

2)      My life has worth because God loves me and died for me!  ! “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16) IF THERE IS ANYONE OUT THERE READING THIS, THIS IS TRUE FOR YOU TOO!

These 2 truths settle my questions of worth.  Period. 

Luke 12:6-7 tells me “Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

As 1 John 2:15-17 suggests,the love of the Father is missing in my worldly assessment of my worth!  When I am rooted in His amazing love, I can see the lies for the truth!!  I am not saying that reading or writing these two truths in this blog have solved all my problems regarding my worth, but they are truths that I need to go back to and use to combat the lies that plague me.  And meditating on and steeping in God's character of love and the affection for me thta He put into action through the gospel, will be a beacon of light to guide me in truth when I face the darkness of lies. 

I am going to stop for now and will continue this post next time, comparing my worldly notion of fruitfulness with the Biblical concept of fruitfulness. 

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you that my life is worth something to you.  Thank you that my breath is not a waste.  Thank you that despite my failures and fears, you love me.  Thank you that your love changes me too!  Thank you that your love gives me hope.  Forgive me for constantly believing and giving into lies in my life.  Thank you that you show me the truth in so many ways--in your Word, in the words of my husband and sisters, in sermons, in songs, and in all sorts of things throughout my day.  Thank you that even when I cannot see you and when I am full on rebelling against you, you are there and you love me and you pursue me and you haven't given up on me.  Root me in your love!!!  Root me in your truth.  May I be so rooted that I would not stray from it or be swayed by what my eye sees in myself and all around me!!  Your truth is so much bigger that what I see with my eyes or experience with my flesh.  I pray that if there is just one other person out there reading this and struggling with this same thing, that you would speak to them, that you would use this difficult and broken blog post to speak to them and remind them of your love for them. In Jesus Name, Amen

Character vs. Gifting

I once heard a pastor say that his "character had not caught up with his gifting".  While I appreciated his candor, this statement was deeply troubling to me in light of the Scriptures' description of the qualification of elders (see previous post).  I was almost equally troubled by the fact that others in the room (including his fellow elders and other pastors and Bible teachers for whom I have deep respect) appeared untroubled by the remark (although perhaps they were, I will probably never know.  I do know that no one--including me--spoke up about this comment at the event in which it was said.).

Character is at the heart of the Biblical qualifications for elders.  Nowhere in Scripture do I see charisma, business savy, eloquence, genius, humor, or ability to grow a church as qualifications for an elder.  And while the Scriptures do make it clear that certain abilities or giftings are a requirement for eldership ("able to teach" for example), the Scriptures are also clear that character is a heavy requirement for an elder (for example an elder is not to be "arrogant", "quick tempered" or "domineering", etc. and is instead to be "hospitable", "self-controlled", "gentle", etc. 1 Timothy 3:6-7 warns that an elder, "must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil." ). 

The Scriptures further teach that gospel love (the kind of love modeled by Jesus) is at the heart of character--it is the point of obedience to the law and, without this love, there is no point to gifting or achievement.

1 Corinthians 13 "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.  So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

Revelation 2:1-7 “To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: ‘The words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand, who walks among the seven golden lampstands. ‘I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name's sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent. Yet this you have: you hate the works of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers I will grant to eat of the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.’"

It is a dangerous thing when we allow and especially enable the presence of extraordinary gifting, resources, accomplishment, experience, or opportunity to excuse the absence of extraordinary character in a pastor.  Sadly, the resulting damage to the flock at large, the pastor's family, the fellow elders and families, and to the pastor himself can be phenomenal. 

Heavenly Father, Thank you for your Word and they way it guides us in truth!  Help us to know your Word and to diligently compare all things against it.  Give us discernment to know what does not coincide with your Word.  Give us courage to live according to your Word and to speak up and act when you call.  Open our eyes to see where we may be blind.  Father, please protect our churches against our pride and worldliness!  Protect our pastors from conceit and pride and from falling away.  Protect your people.  Give wisdom, discernment, courage, and love to the pastors over your flock. Remind them that they are undershepherds.  Remind them how much you love your flock!  We pray for your grace and mercy, on all of us!  In Jesus Name, Amen

Pray for Our Pastors!

In my devotions this week, I read 1 Timothy.  Reading the 1 Timothy 3 qualifications for a pastor (also called “elder” or “overseer”) was a good reminder, as my husband is a pastor.  This time while reading these qualifications/disqualifications, I was struck by the fact that a lot what makes a man qualified or disqualified to lead the flock of God are the quiet aspects of his character, and not just the presence of spectacular gifting or the absence of spectacular sin.  It is easy to look at things like charisma and entrepreneurship when we think of leadership qualifications and to look to obvious and dramatic sins like adultery when we look at what would disqualify a leader.  Come to think of it, the rest of the world looks at leadership in this way.  And yet Scripture has much more  to say about the heart and inner character of a pastor.  In Scripture, we see qualifications like “not arrogant” or not “quick tempered” or “hospitable” or “not domineering over those in your charge”.   Are these qualities we look for in appointing elders?  Do we consider these qualities in assessing disqualifying sin? 

1 Timothy 3:1-7 says, “The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able  to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.”

Here are some more places in Scripture that talk about the qualifications of a pastor:

Titus 1:5-9 says, “This is why I left you in Crete, so that you might put what remained into order, and appoint elders in every town as I directed you—if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.”

1 Peter 5:1-4 says, “So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory.”

James 3:1 says, “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.”

Jesus, our Chief Shepherd, loves the Church, for whom He died.  Accordingly, He about the men He appoints as under shepherds of His church.  Pastors are God’s “stewards” to care for the flock.   The following passage contains a sobering word for overseers. 

Ezekiel 34:1-10 ESV: “The word of the LORD came to me: ‘Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy, and say to them, even to the shepherds, Thus says the Lord GOD: Ah, shepherds of Israel who have been feeding yourselves! Should not shepherds feed the sheep? You eat the fat, you clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fat ones, but you do not feed the sheep. The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them. So they were scattered, because there was no shepherd, and they became food for all the wild beasts. My sheep were scattered; they wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. My sheep were scattered over all the face of the earth, with none to search or seek for them. Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: As I live, declares the Lord GOD, surely because my sheep have become a prey, and my sheep have become food for all the wild beasts, since there was no shepherd, and because my shepherds have not searched for my sheep, but the shepherds have fed themselves, and have not fed my sheep, therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: Thus says the Lord GOD, Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will require my sheep at their hand and put a stop to their feeding the sheep. No longer shall the shepherds feed themselves. I will rescue my sheep from their mouths, that they may not be food for them.’”

Wow, does God care about His sheep!!  Hebrews 13:17 tells us that these leaders “are keeping watch over” the souls of the flock, “as those who will have to give an account.”   This is sobering to anyone who is called to eldership!

How we need to pray for our elders!!  Lord, teach us to pray for our elders!

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the men you have called to shepherd your flock.  Thank you that you love your church so much that you gave your only Son Jesus to die for your church in love!  Thank you Jesus for dying for your bride, the church!  Father, I pray for our elders.  Thank you for giving them a heart to serve you and your people.   Thank you for the sacrifices they make on behalf of your precious Body.  Thank you for sustaining them in every way.  Father, we ask that you protect them in every way.  Make them effective and fruitful in their calling—fruitful as you define fruit, not as the world does.  We pray that you protect them from falling.  Feed their souls, even as they seek to feed others with your Word.  May your Word and prayer and faith be huge in their life.  May they have joy in their walk with you and in the calling that you give them.  Encourage and strengthen them.  We pray that you would root them in your love—the love between Father and Son by the Spirit, your love for them, your love for your Body, and your love for the lost.  We pray that this love would motivate all they do.  Give them wisdom and discernment to know how best to lead and to be able to keep from straying.  Keep them away from boastfulness or pride or arrogance or domineering or neglecting the sheep.  Give them courage and boldness and tenderness and mercy and affection.  Give them tender hearts.  We pray that you keep them humble and aware of their utter dependence on you.  Give them the  grace to admit when they stumble and to repent.  May they have a sense of the sobering and serious call that you have placed in their life.  By your grace, may they watch their steps.  Surround them with people who can love them, support them, hold them accountable, and serve them as fellow brothers and sisters and as image bearers of you.  Help them to loving lead their families too, as you call them to do.  Protect their families.  Provide for their every need.  Help us to know how to bless and encourage them.  Keep them faithful to you and your Word and your people.  We ask this in Jesus Name, Amen.