Good words from Joshua Harris

I loved this from Joshua Harris.  Praying and grieving IN HOPE for all of us in the Body of Christ experiencing brokeness.  Our hope is sure because our hope is in Christ who is faithful and He promises to redeem His bride.  Romans 5:5 "And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."


http://www.joshharris.com/2011/07/more_time.php

Spend more time in prayer than speculation. Spend more time interceding than choosing sides. Spend more energy loving others than arguing. Get away from the internet, get into the Scripture, go talk with God. Let's ask that he would use this season in our church to make us all more gentle, loving and broken--not more angry, self-righteous and irate. He is in this and he loves everyone involved.


It's a beautiful day outside. I'm going to go take a prayer walk.


1 Peter 3:8-9 "Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing."

Bitterness and Mourning

I literally could not fall asleep because I was thinking... mourning is a better word.  I was thinking about some losses in life over the past few years and experiencing the heartbreak of it all.  Yes, there has been some healing.  Yes, there have been some strides.  Yes, there has been some growth.  Yes, there has been some repentance.  And yet there is still pain.  There is still unresolved.  There is still distance. There is more enduring in love to do.  There is more prayerful waiting to do. There is more learning for me to do.  There is more repenting to do when my heart wanders into bitterness, which is something for which I need to be constantly on guard.  There are still effects--known and unknown--that need to be worked through.

I came downstairs to read and write, and I stumbled on my friend, Wendy's blog.  http://www.theologyforwomen.org/2011/07/what-bitterness-really-is.html?showComment=1310707542603#c3302637365833248698  When I read the title, "What Bitterness Really Is," I was sure that God was going to use it to show me that the unease in my heart right now was due to my bitterness--that bitterness was the reason the effects of certain events still linger in my heart.  But actually, He spoke to me a different word.  While I undoubtedly do need to guard my wandering heart against the bitterness that creeps up in me, there is reason to mourn.  There is a difference between mourning and bitterness.  And it is okay to mourn. 

Perhaps the bridge between mourning and bitterness is pride--creating an "us" and "them"...thinking that we would never be capable of doing "such a thing", forgetting that we are also sinners in need of grace, and meditating on how our "rights" have been trampled by the one who has betrayed or abandoned us rather than laying down our rights out of love in service to another's good.  Humble mourning instead is motivated by love--feeling the pain of relationship interrupted and experiencing this pain because we love the God who is love and who loved us first, and accordingly, we love others. We were created to love and be loved and when sin causes separation, it ought to produce mourning. 

And I sit here, feeling the sting of a broken heart, I know my Savior feels that sting too and that He is at work--redeeming me and redeeming the others involved.  And that thought does bring me peace and is a salve to my broken heart.

Brawling in the Church

My favorite way to work out is on a machine with a television or ipod to distract me. Yesterday, I had the treat of working out on a fancy cool elliptical machine with a built-in fan and television. As I started my workout and turned on CNN, I was sad to hear a headline about a church congregation that erupted into a physical brawl over church governance. While the outrageous footage rolled, the broadcaster laughingly asked, “What would Jesus do”?


These words of Jesus came to mind:

John 13:35 “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Yikes.

While this news story made me cringe, it also made me think of some of the other ways we Christians (I) sinfully misrepresent Christ to each other and to unbelievers. For most of us, our contentious behavior does not look like the brawling footage I saw on CNN, instead it looks like quarreling, not speaking to each other, avoiding each other, being cold, ignoring, shunning, shaming, being apathetic towards, and generally engaging unloving behaviors between husbands and wives, parents and children, and with our brothers and sisters, the person sitting across the aisle in church from us, or the person in the church down the street from us. Rather than an all out fist brawl, it looks more like being selfish and petty with my husband over something stupid, being overbearing with my sisters, being disrespectful or impatient with my elderly parents, not working through conflict or suffering long with my brothers and sisters in Christ, etc.

The Lord has had me meditating on this verse for the past few days:

1 Peter 3:8-9 “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.”

This is Jesus’ vision for His church—for our marriages, for our parents and children, for our brothers and sisters, for our churches, for those brothers and sisters who worship at the church up the street from us, and for those brothers and sisters who worship on the other side of the world from us.

Unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind is a tall order when conflicts and injustice arise. Interestingly enough, when Peter gives this exhortation, he is actually speaking into the context of Christians who are experiencing conflict, injustice, and persecution. These things still arise for us today in a world where we all still sin against each other and damage to one another still ensues. When these things happen, unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind are not natural to us! Do you think they were natural to the brawling church in North Carolina? Do you think they are natural in even less dramatic conflicts within the church? Do you think they are natural to me when I am in an argument with my husband and I feel like he has treated me unfairly?

In these moments, unity of mind is hard to fight for. Although the mind of Christ is available to us by the Spirit and through the Word, in moments where we are in conflict we can quickly rely instead on our own hot emotions, instincts, rights, and desires—after all, we have been wounded, and we want to wound in return or at least retreat. In these moments, we often do not stop to pray, and we often do not stop to remember and apply what we know from God’s Word. And sometimes we do not even know how God’s Word would apply because we have failed to study it out of misplaced priorities or our selfish desires to do our own thing. (Hebrews 5:11-14 “About this we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. 12 For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, 13 for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. 14 But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.”) Then, when moments of conflict come, we are left without our arsenal in the battle against our own flesh (in particular think sword of the Spirit, which is the Word according to Ephesians 6:7). In fact, when we don’t know the Word of God through continued prayerful study on our own and with other believers, we can hardly tell the difference between our own instincts/worldly philosophies and the way of Christ. And there is a way to us that may seem wise, but is in fact worldly:

James 3:13-18 “Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. 15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”

When we aren’t operating from the mind of Christ, we do not have unity of mind. Sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind do not follow because these things are the opposite of what the world and our own fallen hearts tell us to do when we experience conflict and injustice. We have no sympathy for our brother and sister because we are so wrapped up in protecting our own comforts, interests, desires, joys, concerns, struggles, ambitions, and missions that we do not consider the interests of those with whom we experience conflict. Sometimes we even justify our sinful behavior as a means to an end in our service “to God” or “to others” in our life. This is like when I have snapped at my husband for asking me to do something for him while I am busy trying to prepare for guests in our home—I was being ungracious to my husband in the interest of being gracious to others. This is not honoring to God, even though I am deluding myself into thinking that my snapping at my husband is a necessary means to the end of serving God through showing hospitality to guests in our home. While I am called to show hospitality, the heart and the means matter a great deal to God—as we see in Jesus’ interactions with the Pharisees who frequently stepped on others in their attempts to “serve God” and further “His mission”.

In our conflicts with believers (family, friends, church members, or other Christians), we can forget that we are members of one another--as Christ’s precious Body, and so instead of brotherly love, we easily insist on our own ways at the expense of others, disregard one another, give one another the “ice treatment” and even cut one another off. We fail to suffer long with each other—growing impatient with the slow growth of others or the slow grieving/pain timeline of others. When sin rears its ugly head as it inevitably does this side of heaven, we fail to do the hard work of love—working through conflict by beginning with prayer, humbly examining our own hearts, confessing our own sin, pursuing the person with whom we have conflict, involving a trusted mediator if needed, involving a pastor/leader if needed, continuing to steadfastly pray when all of these steps have been exhausted, and then eagerly welcoming it if the day comes when our brother and sister desire reconciliation. When our brother or sister has counsel for us that we do not like, instead of having a tender humble heart and praying about it, consulting the Word, and involving other believers, we ignore this counsel or fight against it and we allow our hardened response to come in between our relationships with our brothers and our sisters. Resentment grows. We start to consider our friends our “enemies” and “critics”. Whether they are right or even if they are wrong in their counsel, we would rather not engage with our brother and sister anymore.

In these conflicts, we are not willing to die to ourselves, instead, we wish harm on our brother or sister, or we withhold forgiveness, or we are content to move on rather than continuing in brotherly love. We part ways through apathy, resentment, or anger, and we do this sometimes quietly and sometimes loudly. We quietly forge our own path way from each other or we forcibly steamroll right over each other. Or sometimes we do attempt to walk through conflict with our brothers and sisters—but we manipulate and maneuver our way in fear and desperation, rather than seeking guidance from God about the steps He is calling us to take in these specific situations in faith. Or we compromise the truth for a quick fix, setting ourselves for growing distance, distrust, resentment, and bitterness. While it is not always our sin that causes us to part ways with our brother or sister, sometimes we are content to forget about our brother and sister—not persevering in love, not praying for them, ignoring Spirit brought opportunities to bless them, or allowing bitterness to creep up. Or we mercilessly reject their imperfect attempts to pursue reconciliation and relationship with us. In all of these scenarios, we have lost our spouse, our parent, our child, our brother or sister, our friend. This grieves God and should grieve us.

Sometimes our sin in conflict is a result of weary and broken hearts. Most of us have experienced betrayal, abandonment, rejection, and mistreatment from our brothers and sisters in Christ. We have wounded and been wounded by believers through careless words and actions, malicious words and actions, and through what feels the worst of all sometimes—ignoring and being ignored. Instead of seeking forgiveness, healing, and empowerment for obedience at the feet of our Savior through prayer, the Word, and the help of our brothers and sisters in Christ, we disengage. We become afraid of the pain. We become afraid to tell the truth. We become afraid of how others will see us and what will happen to us. We become afraid to die to ourselves and to live to Christ. We become afraid of whether Christ will be enough as we expose ourselves to more betrayal, abandonment, rejection, and mistreatment.

So what is the answer? The gospel is still the answer. The gospel still works. It is finished. Jesus died for my sins once and for all. Jesus did the same for for the believer with whom I am experiencing conflict too. Jesus has promised that He will not leave me the same—that He is transforming me from one degree of glory to the next by His grace. This is true for the believer with whom I am experiencing conflict. While I was still rejecting God—dead in my sin—Christ demonstrated His lavish love for me with forgiveness and grace, not returning reviling for reviling. He calls me to do the same—to love and forgive and bless even to those who have wounded me the most. Jesus removed the barrier between me and God, so that now I can freely go before the throne of grace to receive every help that I need with no shame. I can confess my sin to Him and receive forgiveness. I can continually take all my sorrows and wounds to Him, as He cares for me and He is the Great Healer and Comforter and Peace Giver (the kind of peace that surpasses understanding—that defies my circumstances). I can ask Him to fill me to the brim with His Spirit so that by His grace my mind can be united with His, and so that I can be filled with sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind towards others, even those who have hurt me. By His empowering grace, I can do the hard work of love because it no longer matters what others think of me or what will happen to me. Christ is gain, all else is rubbish in comparison. And while it will hurt, the suffering of this life does not compare with the inexpressible joy of knowing Jesus now and the eternal weight of glory that awaits us. Jesus has given me His Word, and I can read it and pray through it and find comfort and guidance there. As the Word tells me about the mind of Christ, the Spirit also convicts my heart through it. Jesus has given me the gift of being part of the church—of having His grace administered to me through His people and through the gifts that He has given them. I can humbly confess my sins to them and receive help from them because I have nothing to prove. And because I have nothing to prove and because it is Jesus who has done all the work in saving me—I can walk in the light before unbelievers. I can be real with them—not having to pretend that I am better than I actually am. God’s power and glory and goodness can be displayed through my weakness. And by His grace, they can see His love in me—through what He has done for me and through His enabling of me to love others. And they can joyfully partake in it too.

Heavenly Father, Thank you for your Word and all that it reveals to me about who you are are! You are the God of love. Thank you for showing me such extravagant love. Thank you for humbling yourself to save and bless me, even when I rejected you. Thank you for still pursuing me, even as I still sin against you and your people. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for your long suffering. Empower me to love like you do by your grace! Help me to be humble. Show me the ways I sin against you and your people, and help me to repent to you and to them. Protect my heart from being hard. Protect me from being wise in my own eyes. Help me to submit to accountability among your people. Teach me your Word in such a way that I would recognize and rely on it even in times of trial and temptation. Give me a hunger for it and help me to prioritize knowing it. Help me to be a doer of your Word. Show me the specific ways you want me to bless those who have cursed me—show me if there are actions you want me to take and show me if you want me to simply wait patiently. In either case, fill my heart with love for them. Work in their hearts and in mine. Whether you call me to act or to wait, help me to persevere in prayer, not out of duty but out of love. Help me to display your love to everyone I encounter—by letting others see the way that your love is working in my life through my own weakness, by demonstrating the kind of love that returns blessing for reviling, by honoring the Body of Christ for which you gave yourself up, and by blessing and serving those to whom you have called me—believers and unbelievers. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

I was reading through the Proverbs today, and this verse struck me in particular.


Proverbs 9:7-9 “Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse,
and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury.
8 Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you;
reprove a wise man, and he will love you.
9 Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser;
teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.”

I looked up the word “scoffer” on www.blueletterbible.org, and this is what I found:

“to scorn, make mouths at, talk arrogantly a) 1) to boast 2) to scorn b) 1) to mock, deride”

http://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=H3887&t=ESV

This passage spoke to me in a number of ways. In one way, it spoke to me because I believe I have found myself in positions where I have attempted to correct or reprove a scoffer, and the results have not been good. The result has been injury and inflammation of conflict. This passage convicted me of the error in this. It has also encouraged me to be more discerning about when I am actually called to speak up. I am by nature an activist. While there are some helpful aspects of this nature, there are also some major proclivities toward sin and error too. Sometimes this tendency in me has been nothing more than a lack of faith—a sorry attempt to take things into my own hands rather than quietly and prayerfully trusting the God who is perfectly wise and perfectly in control. It has also sometimes been simply a lack of patient love—a failure to treat others with the same long suffering and grace I have received from God (and from others, for that matter). I hunger to grow in my discernment, in my trust in God, in my prayerful dependence on God, and in my gospel love of others! And this Proverb has shown me new ways in which I am called to grow and mature in this area right now.

I also love the ESV Study Bible notes on this passage: “These verses present three statements about what happens if one corrects a scoffer or the wicked plus three contrasting statements about reproving a wise man. The point is twofold: if a person desires to be wise, he must examine how his heart responds to wise reproof or correction, and in order to be wise with others, he must have the prudence to observe other people’s actions. It is clear that the ‘wise’ or ‘righteous’ person does not rest content with his attainment, nor is he presented as morally ‘perfect’. He becomes still wiser and will increase in learning through correction.” (ESV Study Bible published by Crossway at page 1150).

I particularly love the last part: “It is clear that the ‘wise’ or ‘righteous’ person does not rest content with his attainment, nor is he presented as morally ‘perfect’. He becomes still wiser and will increase in learning through correction.”

I do not want to forget that my own sinful nature is that of a scoffer. All of our hearts have been boastful, arrogant, mocking, and full of derision at times. By God’s grace, I want to have a heart that truly recognizes that I have much to learn and that I am so far from morally perfect (as no doubt this truth is painfully obvious to all of those around me)! I want to have a heart that receives correction well with a humble heart. I want to have a heart that can distinguish between lies and truth. I do not want to slander or mischaracterize as a “critic” or an “enemy” someone who is actually a loving friend who is trying to help me to see an area where I am blinded by ignorance and sin I do not want to misinterpret loving correction as hateful rejection, as my heart is too often quick to do.

Dear Heavenly Father, Please give me a heart that is humble, soft, and discerning, Oh Lord! Help me to speak courageously, boldly, lovingly, and truthfully when you call me to, and help me to know when to love with my prayerful silence.  By your grace, may I not sin against you or against my brother or sister on either end of this spectrum! Help my heart to humbly hear and heed correction and rebuke that comes to me from you through the lips of your people.  Help me not to be a scoffer!  Show me any areas where I might be behaving as a scoffer, and grant me quick and thorough repenetance!  Help me to grow in wisdom and to honor you in all I do.  In Jesus Name, Amen

Romans 12

Sometimes I am confused, perplexed, and hurt by relationships in the Body of Christ.  The Word puts such an emphasis on love and unity in the Body of Christ--the Bride who Jesus has randsomed and is redeeming.  And yet, the Body of Christ is such a mess in so many ways.  I know that I am a mess too and part of the problem as a sinner who is too often proud, judgmental, lazy, self-interested, selfish, naive and foolishly too quick to react sometimes, etc (there are lots more to add to this list).  I understand why there is conflict in the Body of Christ--as we all sin against each other.  In my head, I know I should not be surprised to see these ugly things in myself and in the Body of Christ, but the damage caused by these messy interactions does cause pain that spins me around sometimes.

I have a hard time understanding why brothers and sisters in Christ would not try to resolve and persevere through conflict, not compromising on Biblical truth, but also not compromising on Biblical love.  I don't understand how there could be burned bridges in the Body of Christ.  I don't understand how friendships could end so easily in the Body of Christ when our lives are built on the hope of eternal life together with God.  In this way, it seems that the Body of Christ does not look so different from the rest of the world who has not encountered Jesus' life changing love. 

When I feel discouraged, hurt, depressed and spun around about this, I love to go to Romans 12 for perspective.  Jesus, help us live and love like this--in this radical way!!  Let us sense the weightiness of the fact that we are one body in you and that we are individually members of one another! Help me to have a humble, servant heart that sincerely loves through conflict and hurt by your Spirit!   Give me a perspective to see beyond the standards of this world, so that I would not be conformed to the standards of the world, but rather that I would be renewed in your way and standards!  Help me to know the difference between your way and worldliness.  Help me not to think of myself more highly than I ought or to be wise in my own eyes!!  Open my eyes to the ways I have hurt others, and grant me quick repentance and a heart that is quick to do all that I need to do to make things right with others.  Give me courage to love in the face of rejection, and give me opportunities to lavishly love those you call me to love, even when I am hurt and confused by them.  Help me to love well and to persevere in love even when it becomes difficult.  Help me to be a peacemaker, and not to inflame conflict.  Thank you that you are my rock and that your love is my identity and source of strength.  Help me to be rooted in your love, so that I can love in difficult situations.  Remind me that the gospel is most prominently displayed through lavish, unmerited love in the face of sin and rejection--as this is the love that you showed to me!  I confess that I am fully incapable of loving like this apart from your grace and your power!  I pray that Romans 12 would speak to any others who are wrestling through these same questions and issues like me.  Thank you, Lord!  We love you. 

Romans 12

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.


Gifts of Grace


3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. 4 For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, 5 so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; 8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

Marks of the True Christian


9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Groaning

I think I have been feeling stuck lately, unable to reconcile the glorious picture I see in the Word of how the Body of Christ is supposed to be and what I actually see in the Body of Christ, including myself. Because of this, I have been feeling disillusionment—reluctance to engage with other Christians and even a reluctance to engage with God because the Biblical standard of love and relationship in the Body just does not compute with what I see in myself or others. In fact, my worst experiences in relationships have been with Christians. Somehow this inconsistency made me doubt on some level how what I am seeing in Scripture could even be true! Sometimes it has caused me to "ask" (read: “sinfully accuse God”), “does the gospel really work?!” Today, in conversation with a dear friend, it occurred to me that maybe I am asking the wrong question. The presence of sin does not negate the truth or effectiveness of the gospel. The gospel ASSUMES the presence of sin. The reason it is good news that Jesus died for my sins is because I am sinful and I needed Him to save me—it was/is my only hope! God’s sanctification of me (process of making me holy) is not finished yet. Although I am justified (i.e. forgiven and saved because God the Father looks at Jesus’ perfect work of obedience and His perfect payment of the punishment for my sin), God is doing a work in me and in all of His people today, but He is also not finished! My brothers and sisters in Christ and I still have plenty of sin! We still need gospel application TODAY in our lives because we still sin! And yes, it is true that what I see in myself and what I see around me does not measure up to the beautiful picture and calling I see in God’s Word. Part of the pain of that is the groaning of living in the already (already justified, already seeing in part God’s beauty, already seeing in part how things are supposed to be, already experiencing in part sanctification and redemption) and the not yet (not yet seeing the whole picture of who God is and what His plan is and all the areas where I am not yet in conformity, not experiencing the fullness and completion of His sanctification and redemption, etc.). Living in the already and not yet, produces groaning in us.


It’s all right here in one of my most favorite chapters of Scripture and I never made this connection before:

Romans 8:18-25 “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”

Part of the pain of not being able to reconcile what we see in Scripture and what we see in our lives is that we do have first fruits of the Spirit. The Spirit has done a work in us… but there is much more He is going to do in us. And so we must rest on faith---hope in what is unseen, which includes the promise of God that He is working all things out for our good--which is conforming us to the image of Christ.

Does this make sense?...because this is a raw, rough, unpolished post that is little more than an attempt for me to process and remember what God is teaching me right now.

Another Cool Post from Peacemakers.net and Paul Tripp

http://bookstore.peacemaker.net/blog/?p=650&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Route59+%28Route+5%3A9%29


Forgiveness is an Investment: What it Costs

Published by Molly Friesen at 9:59 am under Forgiveness

Following up on my Monday post about the dark “benefits” of unforgiveness, Paul Tripp goes on to explain that “forgiveness is an investment in your relationship with God and in your relationship with one another. As with all investments, there is cost involved. In any investment you make, your concern is that the return will be greater than the cost” (95).

So, what are the costs involved? Tripp lists a handful of costs, along with a full paragraph of explanation for each. I’ll include an excerpt of each explanation, but it’s certainly worth reading in full.

Forgiveness requires humility. ”When we stand in the center of our own universe with nothing more important to us than ourselves, we find nothing more offensive than a sin against us … Nobody gives grace better than someone who is convinced he needs it as well.”

Forgiveness requires compassion. ”Compassion is being moved by the plight of another, coupled with action to help him or her. Husbands and wives, does compassion ever grip you when your spouse sins against you? … You forgive [him or her] because, by God’s grace, you look at [him or her] through tender, rather than judgmental, eyes.”


Forgiveness requires trust. “Forgiveness is not so much an act of faith in your spouse as it is an act of faith in God.”


Forgiveness requires self-control. ”If you are going to forgive your spouse for committing a sin against you, you must say no to yourself, exercising the self-control that only God is able to give you. To forgive, you have to say no to bitterness… to the desire to lash out with angry words and actions of vengeance … [and] to the impulse to share your anger with a relative or friend.”


Forgiveness requires sacrifice. “Forgiveness requires that we be willing to let go of our desire for safety and comfort and the surface peace of silence, and, as an act of faith, that we endure what we do not want to face in order for the other to be helped and our relationship to be reconciled.”

Forgiveness requires remembering. “Perhaps a lifestyle of unforgiveness is rooted in the sin of forgetfulness. We forget that there is not a day in our lives that we do not need to be forgiven… When you remember, when you carry with you a deep appreciation for the grace that you have been given, you’ll have a heart that is ready to forgive.”


From Paul Tripp "What Did You Expect: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage", pages 95-97

Doing Nothing Equals Something

I am signed up for an email newsletter called, “PeaceMeal” by PeaceMakers Ministries (www.peacemakers.net). I thought today's newsletter was very insightful and convicting and brought up a helpful point in the theme of my “Taking Reconciliation Seriously” post. It is easier for me to recognize my sins of commission in conflict (or in anything really), but it is harder for me to recognize my sins of omission. Jesus calls us to much more than simply putting off sinful behaviors. He calls us to a heart transformation that results in fruit like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control. He doesn’t just call us to refrain from harming others, He calls us to actively do good to others—even those whom have harmed us and even when doing good inconveniences us or costs us and even when there is no affirmation for ourselves in it!


Lord, Jesus, please show us what active good you are calling us to do in the situation of our lives! Wake us up where we blissfully slumber or look the other way! Provide us with grace, courage, discernment, with the resurrection power of your Spirit to obey with fruit that supernaturally proceeds from Spirit-wrought genuine love—the very love of Christ. Let scandalous, pursuing, sacrificial, active love be our worship of you!

Here is the newsletter post from PeaceMakers Ministries:

Doing Nothing Equals Something


"Forgive us our debts..." Matthew 6:12

In fact, we can sin against God by omission -- by doing nothing. As James 4:17 tells us, "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." Therefore, if we are involved in a conflict and neglect opportunities to serve others (by failing to bear their burdens, gently restore them, etc.), we are guilty of sin in God's eyes.

Adapted from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict

by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 119.

Food for Thought

By neglecting to do good, we end up neglecting God.

Have you ever been in a situation and you just knew you were being asked to do something good, say something good, be something good -- but you didn't do it, say it, or be it? No doubt we all have. In the wake of those moments, we often feel like we've neglected someone. But how often do we live with the awareness that we've neglected God in those moments?

When we do something unto the least of our brothers or sisters, we're doing it as unto the Lord. And when we don't something unto the least of our brothers and sisters, we're not doing it unto the Lord. Omission by another name is neglect. And neglect in God's eyes is sin. Sincerely confess it to God, and ask him to help you to "do good" in that relationship in the future.

Taking Reconcilation Seriously

Over the past year, I have been blessed to see God redeem a really difficult conflict situation between a deeply loved close friend of mine and me. God has taught me so much about His heart for reconciliation through this situation.  The gospel is all about God reconciling us to Himself through Christ so that we can enjoy relationship with Him. God’s heart for His people is that, through Christ’s work of reconciliation on the cross, we get to participate in the glorious fellowship between Father and Son by the Spirit AND we get to have fellowship with one another.

For the longest time, I failed to see this second piece.  An important aspect of the good news of our salvation through Christ is that Christians get enjoy fellowship with one another and that we get to live out the gospel in relationship!  Our love for each other is: 1) a way we love and worship God; 2) a demonstration of our faith in God/the gospel; and 3) a testimony to the world and to the heavenly realms of the greatness of our God (there is so much Scriptural support for this—see John 13, the book of Ephesians, Mathew 5:23-24, for starters.).

We Christians can easily underestimate the importance and effects of our loving one another, serving one another, pursuing reconciliation with one another, being unified with one another, speaking truth with one another, etc. And yet, this is the heart of how we are called to live out the gospel in love.  This is a mark of what it is to be a Christian.  This is part of what we are "saved to". 

We Christians can easily forget that we have the best opportunities to live out the gospel in faith and worship when our relationships get difficult. It is easy to love when people are naturally easy to love, when we have affinity towards someone, when conflicts have not yet arisen, when circumstances have not become difficult or awkward, and when confrontation is not needed. Yet, these are the very times when we have the best opportunities to reflect the scandalous, sacrificial, other-worldly gospel love that our Savior shows us. This is precisely the kind of love that the world doesn’t understand.  Worldly love has no problem loving when the object of that love is meeting a need in the lover or is at the very least not hurting the lover in return (see Matthew 5:43-48).  But worldly love does not love in the face of reviling or when it becomes too inconvenient. Gospel love—the kind of love that returns reviling with blessing, the kind of love that perseveres even when circumstances are difficult and inconvenient, the kind of love that desires and pursues real relationship, the kind of love that looks after the good of the beloved—this is the very love of our Glorious God. This love stuns the world and heralds the worthiness of our God. We cannot love like this on our own. The closer we get to God, the more He graciously pours this love into our hearts, the more we are satisfied and delighted by God's love, and the more this love flows out from us to others. The more we ask God for the ability to love others with gospel love, the more God generously gives us His grace to love others like this.

I want to be clear here, we are called to pursue reconcilation with a sincere heart of love (see Romans 12).  This kind of love is humble, considers others more significant than ourselves, and looks to the interests of others (see Philippians 2).  But we are not called to pursue peace at all costs. We are called to live peaceably with others as far as it depends on us (see Romans 12). Scripture lays out processes for pursuing reconciliation with others when conflicts arise (for instance, see Matthew 5:23-24 & Matthew 18. These processes involve communicating directly with the person with whom we have conflict and also involves getting others involved if needed.) Sometimes despite our best efforts to pursue and reconcile, the ones we love simply will not want to be reconciled. Sometimes the one with whom we have conflict will not want to walk in the light, will not want to be humble, and will not want to be submitted to God's Word and His people. At that point, all we can do is to continue to pray and to leave the door open for reconciliation with a clear conscience. In the process of reconciliation, we are never called to compromise truth or righteousness in our pursuit of peace. This is not loving/honoring God nor is it loving others. God does not comprise truth or righteousness for the sake of peace. God loves His creation and desires that all men be reconciled to Him through faith in Christ. Yet, some men refuse to be reconciled. God does not alter the truth of His righteousness or the truth of man’s sinful state in order to accommodate the refusal of some men to be reconciled.

So what does this mean for us as Christians? What kind of heart questions can we ask ourselves to examine our commitment to reconcilation that stems from a heart of sincere gospel love? Here is a place to start:

• 
  
  What do our relationships look like? Do our relationships reflect gospel love (scandalous, pursuing, persevering, sacrificial, etc.)? Do our relationships reflect worldly love (conditional, only when convenient, primarily self-serving and self-preserving)?
• 
  
  Do we have un-reconciled relationships? (Think about relationships where we have unresolved sin against others, where others have unresolved sin against us, or where distance has crept in because of sin or awkwardness, etc.)
• 
  
  In what ways have we pursued reconciliation in these un-reconciled relationships? (See Romans 12—especially Romans 12:18 “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”)
• 
  
  Do we have a clear conscience with regard to these un-reconciled relationships? (In answering this question sincerely…have we prayed about this? Have we consulted other Christians who are impartial in the matter and who can hold us accountable to obedience consistent with God’s Word in this?)
• 
  
  Who is God calling us to pursue, forgive, persevere with, pray for, etc.?
• 
  
  Do we have loved ones in the Body of Christ who are experiencing conflict? How have we been loving these parties? Do we have an opportunity to be an agent of reconciliation in these situations and are we praying about any role that God would have us play in bringing about reconcilation? Are we obeying in love for God and others?  Are we praying for the conflicted parties?
• 
  
  In our own un-reconciled relationships and in the un-reconciled relationships that we see in the Body of Christ, are we being motivated by love & conviction, or by self interest & convenience? Are we willing to pursue reconciliation even when it will cost us something?  Does our heart and behavior in these situations reflect the kind of love that we have been shown by God?
• 
  
  What is our motive in our desires and efforts toward reconcilation?  Is it love (for God and others)?

I appreciated this devotional I received today from PeaceMakers Ministries through their E-mail Newsletter called “PeaceMeal”.  Here is their website: http://www.peacemaker.net/

The Other Great Commission

If you learn that someone has something against you, God wants you to take the initiative in seeking peace--even if you do not believe you have done anything wrong. If you believe that another person's complaints against you are unfounded or that the misunderstanding is entirely the other person's fault, you may naturally conclude that you have no responsibility to take the initiative in restoring peace. This is a common conclusion, but it is false, for it is contrary to Jesus' specific teaching in Matthew 5:23-24: "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."

Food for Thought


Do you recall the "Great Commission?" This was Jesus' command to his disciples in Matthew 28:18-20 to "Go and make disciples of all nations."
Think about Matthew 5:23-24 as "The Other Great Commission"-- and it may be even more challenging for us to fulfill. Going to reconcile with someone who has a complaint about us involves humility ("Why should I go to them if they're the one who's upset?"), empathy (attempting to see the situation from someone else's perspective), and obedience (we go because Jesus commands us, not because we want to or even because we feel that reconciliation is possible). Are there any people in your life to whom you need to "go" today in order to reconcile? Maybe there is a long-standing feud between you and a family member or former friend that God is inviting you to begin to address today through this reminder.

Receiving Rebuke Biblically

In the last few days, I have been reading through the book of Proverbs. One of the themes that struck me the most was teach-ability, humility, and a willingness to receive instruction and rebuke. I want to have a soft-heart like that—a heart that listens to Biblical wisdom not just with my ears but with my heart and actions. I want to have a heart that is humble enough to hear and heed the loving Scripture-rooted warnings and challenges of wise brothers and sisters who love the Lord and love me. I want to have a heart that is humble enough to know its own frailty—that is prone to wander, that it is often deceitful, and that it is not always in line with the pure truth of Scripture.

Awhile after my reading in Proverbs, I stumbled onto this article from the PeaceMaker Ministries website.

http://www.peacemaker.net/site/apps/nlnet/content3.aspx?c=aqKFLTOBIpH&b=1084263&content_id={0285AEC9-A85D-4F16-95D8-A4AB8A5BB3C5}¬oc=1


(I cut and pasted the article below). The article was very convicting and helpful. Sometimes I receive criticism, internalize it, and instead of looking to the cross, I drown in despair. Other times, I can overlook criticism it and continue stubbornly in my own way—justifying it to myself “They don’t understand the whole situation,” etc. Sometimes I can hear unjust criticism and feel anger or bitterness or self-righteousness toward the person giving it. I want to be a woman of wisdom and grace. I want to receive criticism—just or unjust—graciously. Let me be clear--I am not saying that all criticism is true or Biblical or given in the right way with the right heart or that all criticism is meant to be heeded.  However, I want to wisely consider criticism when I receive it and prayerfully comparing it to the pure word of truth in Scripture. I want God’s Word to be my guide, but I want to humbly remember that my heart is deceptive and is in need of the accountability and counsel of godly friends. I want my heart to be humble--recognizing that my loved ones rebuke me out of love--with my interest at heart, and more importantly (and more perfectly) God rebukes me because He loves me.  Even with unfounded or improperly administered criticism, I want to have a heart of sincere love for the one who criticizes me—the kind of love that looks out for the interest of the one who criticizes me. I want to have pure, noble, and lovely thoughts, speaking only what is helpful for building others up. I want a heart that lovingly pursues and seeks godly unity, understanding, and intimacy with those whom I am called to love.  I know this is impossible in my own strength, but God freely gives the power of His own Spirit who is able to do this in me. Lord, I plead with you—give me this heart!

Here is the article:

The Cross and Criticism


This article originally appeared in the Spring 1999 issue of The Journal of Biblical Counseling, (Vol. 17, No. 3) and was reprinted on the Peacemaker website by permission. It is also available in booklet form.

by Dr. Alfred J. Poirier, Chairman of the Board of Directors for Peacemaker Ministries


On January 28, 1986, the space shuttle Challenger and its crew embarked on a mission to broaden educational horizons and promote the advancement of scientific knowledge. The most outstanding objective of the Challenger 51-L mission was the delivery of educational lessons from space by teacher Christa McAuliffe. A lesson was, indeed, delivered, but not one which anyone expected. Just 75 seconds after liftoff, tragedy struck. Before a watching world the shuttle suddenly erupted overhead, disintegrating the cabin along with its crew. The debris of metal, blood and bones plummeted to earth, along with our nation's glory.


What had gone wrong? That was the pressing question everyone asked. As teams of researchers examined the wreckage, the specific cause was soon found. The problem was with the O-rings (circular rubber seals), which had been designed to fit snugly into the joints of the booster engine sections. Evidently, the O-rings had become defective under adverse conditions, and the resulting mechanical failure led to the tragedy. Was that the whole story?


The truth eventually got out. The New York Times put it frankly: the ultimate cause of the space shuttle disaster was pride. A group of top managers failed to listen carefully to the warnings, advice and criticisms given by those down the line who were concerned about the operational reliability of certain parts of the booster engine under conditions of abnormal stress. Just think: heeding criticism could have saved seven human lives.


As a pastor, church leader, and lecturer for Peacemaker Ministries, I am blessed with the opportunity to minister to people and congregations in conflict.. Among the many things I've come to learn is the dominant role that giving and taking criticism has in exacerbating conflict. Yet, even more, I've learned that the remedy wonderfully provided by God requires us to return to the cross of Christ. For our present purposes, I want us to look at the problem of taking criticism.


The Dynamic of Defending Against Criticism


First of all, let me define what I mean by criticism. I'm using criticism in a broad sense as referring to any judgment made about you by another, which declares that you fall short of a particular standard. The standard may be God's or man's. The judgment may be true or false. It may be given gently with a view to correction, or harshly and in a condemnatory fashion. It may be given by a friend or by an enemy. But whatever the case, it is a judgment or criticism about you, that you have fallen short of a standard.


However it comes, most of us would agree that criticism is difficult to take. Who of us doesn't know someone with whom we need to be especially careful in our remarks lest they blow up in response to our suggested corrections? Unfortunately, as I travel around the country, the tale is often told that many people would never dare confront or criticize their pastor or leader for fear of retaliation. Many just find another organization to work for or church to attend.


In fact, don't you know of leaders who select those to be nearest to them who are easiest on them? How many times have you been warned to "walk on eggshells" around that person?


As sad a commentary as this is, such people are not much different from me. I, too, do not like criticism. Any criticism is hard for me to take. I'd much rather be commended than corrected, praised than rebuked. I'd much rather judge than be judged! And I do not think that I am alone in this. The more I listen, the more I hear the dynamic of defensiveness against criticism.


In counseling, I see it in the humorous way a couple will be diverted from the issue at hand to debate who said what, when, and where. Or in how people debate back and forth as to whether it was a Tuesday or a Wednesday when they did something.


Why do we expend so much time and energy swatting at these flies with sledgehammers? Why are our hearts and minds so instantly engaged and our emotions surging with great vigor in our defense? The answer is simple. These issues are not minor or insignificant. We defend that which we deem of great value. We think it is our life we are saving. We believe something much larger will be lost if we do not use every means to rescue it. Our name, our reputation, our honor, our glory.


"If I don't point out that I've been misunderstood, misquoted, or falsely accused, then others won't know I'm right. And if I don't point out my rightness, nobody will. I will be scorned and condemned in the eyes of others."


Do you see the idol of self here? The desire for self-justification? But idols have legs. Because of this deep idolatrous desire for self-justification, the tragedy of the Space Shuttle gets played out over and over again in our relationships. It destroys our ability to listen and learn, and it provokes us to quarrel.


Thus, for the sake of our pride and foolishness, we willingly suffer loss of friends, spouse, or loved ones. Some of that destruction comes in the shape of a thin truce. We tolerate a cold war. We make a false peace. We pledge to each other to discuss only those things which have little significance for bettering our souls. We lay out land mines and threaten the other that we will explode in anger if they so much as raise the forbidden subject of my mistake, my error, or my sin.


This is how churches split and factions develop. We surround ourselves with "yes" men—people willing to never challenge, advise, or criticize us. Yet, while we go on defending ourselves against criticism, we find Scripture teaching something different.


Criticism Commended


The ability to hear and heed correction or criticism is commended in Scripture, particularly in Proverbs. Being teachable, able and willing to receive correction, is a mark of the wise. And the wise father or mother will encourage as well as model such an attitude for their daughters and sons.


The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice (Prov. 12:15).


Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice (Prov. 13:10).


A rebuke impresses a man of discernment more than a hundred lashes a fool (Prov. 17:10).


The ability to take advice, correction, and rebuke is not only considered a mark of the wise, and the inability a mark of the fool, but both the wise and the fool reap according to their ability to take criticism:


He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded (Prov. 13:13).


Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning (Prov.. 9:9).


He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding (Prov. 15:32).


There is gain in taking criticism. No wonder David exclaims in Psalm 141:5: Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it. David knows the profit of gaining wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. He knows rebukes are a kindness, a blessing, an honor.


Ask yourself: Is that how you look at a rebuke? Is that how you perceive criticism, correction or counsel? Do you want to look at it that way?


How can we move from always being quick to defend ourselves against any and all criticism toward becoming instead like David who saw it as gain? The answer is through understanding, believing, and affirming all that God says about us in the cross of Christ.


Paul summed it up when he said, "I have been crucified with Christ." A believer is one who identifies with all that God affirms and condemns in Christ's crucifixion. God affirms in Christ's crucifixion the whole truth about Himself: His holiness, goodness, justice, mercy, and truth as revealed and demonstrated in His Son, Jesus. Equally, in the cross God condemns the lie: sin, deceit, and the idolatrous heart. He condemns my sinfulness as well as my specific sins. Let's see how this applies to giving and taking criticism.


First, in Christ's Cross I Agree With God's Judgment of Me


I see myself as God sees me—a sinner. There is no escaping the truth: "No one is righteous, not even one" ( Rom. 3:9-18). In response to my sin, the cross has criticized and judged me more intensely, deeply, pervasively, and truly than anyone else ever could. This knowledge permits us to say to all other criticism of us: "This is just a fraction of it."


Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law (Gal. 3:10).


For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it (James 2:10).


By faith, I affirm God's judgment of myself, that I am a sinner. I also believe that the answer to my sin lies in the cross.


I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live (Gal. 2:20).


For we know that our old self was crucified with him [Jesus] so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin (Rom. 6:6).


If the cross says anything, it speaks about my sin. The person who says "I have been crucified with Christ" is a person well aware of his sinfulness. You'll never get life right by your own unaided efforts because all who rely on observing the law are under a curse. "Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law" (Gal. 3:10). Thus the cross doesn't merely criticize or judge us; it condemns us for not doing everything written in God's law. Do you believe that? Do you feel the force of that criticism? Do you appreciate the thoroughness of God's judgment?




The crucified person also knows that he cannot defend himself against God's judgment by trying to offset his sin by his good works. Think about this fact: whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it (James 2:10).

To claim to be a Christian is to agree with all God says about our sin. As a person "crucified with Christ," we admit, agree, and approve of God's judgment against us: There is no one righteous, not even one (Rom. 3:10).


Second, In Christ's Cross I Agree With God's Justification of Me


I must not only agree with God's judgment of me as sinner in the cross of Christ, but I must also agree with God's justification of me as sinner. Through the sacrificial love of Jesus, God justifies ungodly people (Rom. 3:21-26).

But the life I now live, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me (Gal. 2:20).


My goal is to boast in Christ's righteousness, not my own.


No one will be declared righteous in his [God's] sight by observing the law (Rom. 3:20).

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe (Rom. 3:22).


Pride breeds quarrels, says Solomon. Quarrels are often over who is right. Quarrels erupt in our idolatrous demand for self-justification. But not if I am applying the cross. For the cross not only declares God's just verdict against me as a sinner, but His declaration of righteousness by grace through faith in Christ.


The cross of Christ reminds me that the Son of God loved me and gave Himself for me. And because of this, God has thoroughly and forever accepted me in Christ. Here is how grace works: Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree." He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit (Gal. 3:13f).


What a sure foundation for the soul! Now, I don't practice self-justification, but boasting—boasting about Christ's righteousness for me.


If you truly take this to heart, the whole world can stand against you, denounce you, or criticize you, and you will be able to reply, "If God has justified me, who can condemn me?" "If God justifies me, accepts me, and will never forsake me, then why should I feel insecure and fear criticism?" "Christ took my sins, and I receive His Spirit.. Christ takes my condemnation, and I receive His righteousness."


In light of God's judgment and justification of the sinner in the cross of Christ, we can begin to discover how to deal with any and all criticism. By agreeing with God's criticism of me in Christ's cross, I can face any criticism man may lay against me. In other words, no one can criticize me more than the cross has. And the most devastating criticism turns out to be the finest mercy. If you thus know yourself as having been crucified with Christ, then you can respond to any criticism, even mistaken or hostile criticism, without bitterness, defensiveness, or blameshifting. Such responses typically exacerbate and intensify conflict, and lead to the rupture of relationships. You can learn to hear criticism as constructive and not condemnatory because God has justified you.

Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? ( Rom. 8:33-34a).

Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it (Ps. 141:5).


If I know myself as crucified with Christ, I can now receive another's criticism with this attitude: "You have not discovered a fraction of my guilt. Christ has said more about my sin, my failings, my rebellion and my foolishness than any man can lay against me. I thank you for your corrections. They are a blessing and a kindness to me. For even when they are wrong or misplaced, they remind me of my true faults and sins for which my Lord and Savior paid dearly when He went to the cross for me. I want to hear where your criticisms are valid."


The correction and advice that we hear are sent by our heavenly Father. They are His corrections, rebukes, warnings, and scoldings. His reminders are meant to humble me, to weed out the root of pride and replace it with a heart and lifestyle of growing wisdom, understanding, goodness, and truth. For example, if you can take criticism—however just or unjust—you'll learn to give it with gracious intent and constructive results. See the sidebar, "Giving Criticism God's Way."


I do not fear man's criticism for I have already agreed with God's criticism. And I do not look ultimately for man's approval for I have gained by grace God's approval. In fact, His love for me helps me to hear correction and criticism as a kindness, oil on my head, from my Father who loves me and says, "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone He accepts as a son" (Heb. 12:5-6).

Applying What We've Learned


1. Critique yourself. How do I typically react to correction? Do I pout when criticized or corrected? What is my first response when someone says I'm wrong? Do I tend to attack the person? To reject the content of criticism? To react to the manner? How well do I take advice? How well do I seek it? Are people able to approach me to correct me? Am I teachable?


Do I harbor anger against the person who criticizes me? Do I immediately seek to defend myself, hauling out my righteous acts and personal opinions in order to defend myself and display my rightness? Can my spouse, parents, children, brothers, sisters, or friends correct me?

2. Ask the Lord to give you a desire to be wise instead of a fool. Use Proverbs to commend to yourself the goodness of being willing and able to receive criticism, advice, rebuke, counsel, or correction. Meditate upon the passages given above: Proverbs 9:9; 12:15; 13:10,13; 15:32; 17:10; Psalm 141:5.

3. Focus on your crucifixion with Christ. While I can say I have faith in Christ, and even say with Paul, "I have been crucified with Christ," yet I still find myself not living in light of the cross. So I challenge myself with two questions. First, if I continually squirm under the criticism of others, how can I say I know and agree with the criticism of the cross? Second, if I typically justify myself, how can I say I know, love, and cling to God's justification of me through Christ's cross? This drives me back to contemplating God's judgment and justification of the sinner in Christ on the cross. As I meditate on what God has done in Christ for me, I find a resolve to agree with and affirm all that God says about me in Christ, with whom I've been crucified.

4. Learn to speak nourishing words to others. I want to receive criticism as a sinner living within Jesus' mercy, so how can I give criticism in a way that communicates mercy to another? Accurate, balanced criticism, given mercifully, is the easiest to hear—and even against that my pride rebels. Unfair criticism or harsh criticism (whether fair or unfair) is needlessly hard to hear. How can I best give accurate, fair criticism, well tempered with mercy and affirmation?


My prayer is that in your struggle against the sin of self-justification you will deepen your love for the glory of God as revealed in the gospel of His Son, and that you will grow wise by faith.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Alfred J. Poirier pastors Rocky Mountain Community Church, PCA, as well as serves as adjunct instructor for Peacemaker Ministries on issues involving conflict counseling and mediation. He completed his D. Min. in counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary in Glenside , PA in 2005.


Text box from the same article:


Implications for Dealing with Criticism


GIVING CRITICISM GOD'S WAY

I see my brother/sister as one for whom Christ died (1 Cor. 8:11).

Keep on loving each other as brothers (Heb. 13:1).

I come as an equal, who also is a sinner.

Are we any better than they? Not at all. For there is no one righteous...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:9,23).

I prepare my heart lest I speak out of wrong motives.

All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD (Prov. 16:2).

The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil (Prov. 15:28).

A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction (Prov. 16:23).

I examine my own life and confess my sin first.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye (Matt. 7:3-5).


I am always patient, in it for the long haul (Eph. 4:2).


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (1 Cor. 13:4).


My goal is not to condemn by debating points, but to build up through constructive criticism.


Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may give grace to those who listen (Eph. 4:29).


I correct and rebuke my brother gently, in the hope that God will grant him the grace of repentance even as I myself repent only through His grace.


And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth... (2 Tim. 2:24-25).

Forgiveness

I just finished a tremendously helpful book by Paul Tripp and Tim Lane called, “Relationships, a Mess Worth Making. I purchased the book years ago at a conference in which Paul Tripp and Tim Lane spoke. I remember visiting the book table and striking up a conversation with a sweet woman who engaged me in conversation. We talked for a good while and she suggested the book to me. I am not exactly sure why it has taken me so long to read. I started it a couple times, and it engaged me. Sometimes though, it was just a reminder of the frustrations I was experiencing in various relationships. I even once (or really more than once) remember thinking (sinfully) “Why should I read a book about the difficulties of relationships? ‘So and So’ is showing no interest in investing in our difficult relationship. What’s the point? Why should it all be on me?”

Fortunately, the Lord did not leave me in that place!

I have since finished the book, and it was excellent. I hope to write a review of it soon. It is a book I would highly recommend, as I found it Scripture-saturated, honest, humble, challenging, convicting, and practical for all sorts of relationships.

One section I found particularly helpful was on forgiveness. The section begins by rooting us in the concept of how we were forgiven by God—how God by His own mercy forgave us our tremendous debt of sin. It goes on to discuss how our debt was absorbed by God—God Himself came to pay the price of it and He no longer holds it against us if Jesus is our Lord. A failure to forgive others is a failure to acknowledge the greatness of what God in Christ has done for us! Our failure to forgive also breeds bitterness that causes death in us and in others.

Tripp and Lane go on to explain how forgiveness for us is an ongoing process. We must continually choose to practice forgiveness in such a way that we are guarded against bitterness that can creep back up even after an offense has been forgiven.

The authors explain how forgiving is not forgetting:

Too often people say that the evidence of having truly forgiven someone is to forget what he has done to you. The passage that is often quoted is Jeremiah 31:34, where God says, “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more,” This verse, some say, is how we should forgive.

There are at least two problems with this understanding of forgiveness. First it is not realistic. Our minds don’t function this way, and our ability to remember is powerful. Trying to forget a sin someone has committed against you will only encourage you to remember it. It’s like being told not to think about a pink elephant. What did you do the moment you read that sentence? Completely erasing an offense from your memory is not realistic. Second, it is not biblical. The passage in Jeremiah does not say that God has amnesia when He looks at you. Our omniscient God does not forget anything! The word “remember” is not a “memory” word, but a “promise” word, a covenant word. God is promising that when we confess our sins, “I will not treat you as your sins deserve. Instead, I will forgive you.”

This is why forgiveness is both a past event and an ongoing process into the future. It is a past promise you keep in the future. When this is done, the memory of small offenses usually dissipates. Larger offenses probably will not…..But each individual can still practice Biblical forgiveness. They can make a promise and remain faithful to that promise over time. P. 97

Tripp and Lane suggest that the failure to understand forgiveness as a past event and a promise for the future results in 1) doubts about whether we have actually forgiven someone because we erroneously think forgiving equals forgetting; and 2) we allow bitterness to creep in because we are unguarded about it since we think our forgiveness is over and done with. P.98

Another very helpful aspect of Tripp and Lane’s teaching on forgiveness was the concept that forgiveness has a “vertical” and “horizontal” dimension. They get this from Scripture.

Mark 11:25 says, “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”


Luke 17:3 says, “If your brother sins, rebuke him and if he repents, forgive him”

Tripp and Lane point out that these two Scriptures may appear contradictory. In the one, we are told to forgive regardless of whether our offender is repentant. In other, we are told forgive if our offender is repentant. Tripp and Lane suggest that these two verses are talking about two different aspects of forgiveness:

Mark 11:25 is talking about forgiveness as a heart attitude before God. The context is worship. When I consider someone’s sin as I stand before the Lord, I am called to have an attitude of forgiveness towards that person who sinned against me. This is non-negotiable. I do not have the right to withhold forgiveness and harbor bitterness in my heart. Luke 17:3, on the other hand, is talking about forgiveness as a horizontal transaction between me and the offender. This is often referred to as reconciliation. The point Luke 17:3 makes is that, while I am to have an attitude of forgiveness before the Lord, I can only grant forgiveness to the other person if he repents and admits he has sinned against me. Even if he never does this, I am called to maintain an attitude of forgiveness toward the offender. The vertical aspect of forgiveness is unconditional, but the horizontal aspect depends upon the offender admitting guilt and asking for forgiveness. P. 98-99

This explanation was so helpful to me and helped me see the connection between these two passages of Scripture.

Next, Tripp and Lane explain that forgiveness is not the same as “peace at all costs”. They look at Matthew 18 for this, acknowledging that we are not called to sweep sin under the carpet. To the contrary, there is a time for confrontation with gentleness and humility. They emphasize the facts that “real love demands pursuit” and “life in the kingdom involves radical forgiveness”. Still, Tripp and Lane remind us of Romans 12:18, which says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” They point out that while we “strive for peace, there are limits involves when you pursue someone in love,” and at that point, Tripp and Lane remind us that sometimes confrontation, separation, involving church leaders, and involving the state is a necessary part of loving the offender. I think the key here is that our motive out to be love for the offender, recognizing that sincere love sometimes involves making difficult decisions that may not always be received well.

This was just a small glimpse of what I learned about forgiveness through the book, “Relationships: A Mess Worth Making”. I learned a lot more about relationships, love, how relationships are a tool of sanctification, and how relationships image the gospel and glorify God. This is a book I highly recommend for anyone in any kind of relationship where sin has reared its head (which is basically every significant human relationship).

Unresolved Conflicts with Christians

In recent years, I have found myself in some relationships with other Christians that have involved prolonged unresolved conflict. These situations have left me grieved, confused, and, at times, questioning whether the gospel really works practically in human relationships. I forgave and struggled with what forgiveness was supposed to look like when the other party refused to repent and be reconciled. I confessed my role in these conflicts. I also confessed the sinful patterns that God exposed in me subsequent to these conflicts--as I dealt with other people’s sins against me and against people I love by sinning myself. I have had to confess bitterness and despair as it crept into my wandering heart at various times throughout this process. Incredibly, by God’s free gift of grace, I have also been able to experience real Spirit-wrought release from bitterness and despair through prayer and confession (to God directly and to the Body). Still, I prayed and prayed for resolution of the conflicts and for reconciliation that seemed to never come. I have wondered:

“Lord, how could you possibly be glorified in this?!”

“Lord, isn’t Biblical community supposed to be different than this?”

“Father, aren’t we as Christians supposed to be all about reconciliation—didn’t Jesus reconcile us to you and aren’t you in the process of uniting your people?”

"Father, doesn't it grieve your heart to see disunity among your people?"

"Father, aren't you grieved by the injustices still unexposed and unresolved in this mess?"

In one of the most painful of these conflict situations, God recently brought sweet and humbling reconciliation. What a tremendous gift that was. The other party repented, and we were reconciled to one another. We embraced with tears of deep emotion. The situation is never to be brought up again. God is now re-building trust and relationship between us. What an amazing gift! It truly is the gospel at work among us! I can even see the ways that God taught each one of us lessons that could only have been learned in the trenches of conflict. He exposed sin in all of our hearts, and He gave us a deeper glimpse into the power of the gospel—into what He has done on our behalf! He taught us about His Sovereignty and Goodness in ALL things. He taught us that He is always at work and that He is ALWAYS worthy of our trust, even when situations hurt and do not make sense to us. He has caused thanksgiving and worship to well up in our hearts, as we have seen the miracle He has brought about. He has become bigger to us.

Others of these other conflict situations in my life still remain unresolved with no end in sight. They still break my heart--especially in the situations where I see people I love wounded and still struggling in the huge wake of these conflicts. But I have hope in God. I still pray for real reconciliation (and would love your prayers for this too!). But even if these situations do not ever get resolved in my lifetime, even if the truth is not exposed in this lifetime, I know that God is at work in His people. I know God is working in me, in them, and in all of us. I know that He is fully in control. I know that He is doing far more than I can imagine in me, in them, and in others, and I know that His work is wonderful.

It is amazing to me that our Gracious God takes the wicked intents of our hearts and the wicked actions that flow from them, and He uses them for good! While God does not author sin in anyway, He uses even my sin(!) for His good purposes! That is humbling. It is also encouraging in the face of unresolved conflict with Christians.

We see this in the story of Joseph--the man who was sold into slavery by his own brothers, taken into a foreign land, falsely accused of seducing his master’s wife, and wrongfully imprisoned for it. My heart gets impatient about 1 or 2 years of unresolved conflict---Joseph had many YEARS of unresolved conflict with the people to whom he was the closest. Yet, God used the sins of Joseph’s brothers in his plan to rescue His people. God was in control ALL ALONG! Joseph trusted God, he was aware of God’s gracious love toward him, and he was therefore filled with God’s gracious love for others. When Joseph’s brothers came to him because they needed help, Joseph graciously extended it and demonstrated his trust in the goodness and sovereignty of his God:

Genesis 50:19-21 “But Joseph said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? 20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. 21 So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.”

Oh, Lord, give me a heart like Joseph with his brothers!! Give me a heart of unwavering trust in your Sovereignty and your Unconditional Goodness and your Wise Plan. Give me a heart that is so rooted in the scandalous love that you have shown me that I cannot help but extend that scandalous love to others. While I was your enemy, you demonstrated your love for me by sacrificing your rights as Magestic Ruler of All, your comfort, and your life. You became nothing so that I, a traitor against you, might live! Thank you, Lord. Help me to love likewise. Help me to believe and trust that you are always at work in all things. Give me a heart for what is unseen—the hope of glory! Thank you, God, for the gift of reconciliation you gave to us—reconciling us to yourself and also making reconciliation with our brothers possible! Thank you for the reconciliation you brought about recently in my life in a situation that was dark and painful. May many come to know you and praise you for this great work! I continue to pray for the unresolved conflicts. I pray that you would continually work in my heart—to show me any areas where I may have sinned and failed to repent. I know that my heart and my sin are deceitful. Show me specifically how to love these people in practical ways--I pray that you would provide such opportunities. Also, show me how to demonstrate your love to those who have been wounded in the wake of these conflicts.  Do another marvelous work of reconciliation, I pray, dear Lord!! I pray that you would do it soon too!  But, your will be done!  Even if the resolution for which we long does not come in this life, help us to trust you in the dark times. Help us to stand firm in your unshakeable Sovereignty and relentless Goodness to us. I pray that you would also speak into the situations of anyone who might be reading this blog and going through something similar. We love you. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Taking a Stand: Impartiality vs. Neutrality

Today, I read the book of James. One concept that is discussed in the book of James is impartiality. Lately, I have been pondering the concepts of “impartiality” and “neutrality” in terms of evaluating what to do when we are a third party in a conflict. Here are some Scriptures that deal with impartiality:


James 2:1-13 “My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. 2 For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, 3 and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” 4 have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? 5 Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him? 6 But you have dishonored the poor man. Are not the rich the ones who oppress you, and the ones who drag you into court? 7 Are they not the ones who blaspheme the honorable name by which you were called? 8 If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. 9 But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. 10 For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. 11 For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. 12 So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. 13 For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment."

James 3:13-18 “Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. 15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”

1 Timothy 5:20-21 “As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear. 21 In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of the elect angels I charge you to keep these rules without prejudging, doing nothing from partiality.”

2 Chronicles 19:4-7 “Jehoshaphat lived at Jerusalem. And he went out again among the people, from Beersheba to the hill country of Ephraim, and brought them back to the LORD, the God of their fathers. 5 He appointed judges in the land in all the fortified cities of Judah, city by city, 6 and said to the judges, “Consider what you do, for you judge not for man but for the LORD. He is with you in giving judgment. 7 Now then, let the fear of the LORD be upon you. Be careful what you do, for there is no injustice with the LORD our God, or partiality or taking bribes."

Deut 1:16-17 “And I charged your judges at that time, ‘Hear the cases between your brothers, and judge righteously between a man and his brother or the alien who is with him. 17 You shall not be partial in judgment. You shall hear the small and the great alike. You shall not be intimidated by anyone, for the judgment is God's…”

Deut 16:18-19 “You shall appoint judges and officers in all your towns that the LORD your God is giving you, according to your tribes, and they shall judge the people with righteous judgment. 19 You shall not pervert justice. You shall not show partiality, and you shall not accept a bribe, for a bribe blinds the eyes of the wise and subverts the cause of the righteous. 20 Justice, and only justice, you shall follow, that you may live and inherit the land that the LORD your God is giving you.”

Our sinful inclinations are to show favoritism often toward:

1) People whom we admire/covet for being wealthy, beautiful, funny, smart, well-liked, etc;

2) Those who can give us something we want; and/or

3) Those to whom we easily relate because of some kinship or natural affinity.

When we show favoritism to people on the basis of these types of things rather than evaluating a situation on the basis of the truths found in the Word of God, we are sinfully being partial.

However, the fact that we are called to impartiality does not mean that we are called to be “neutral” by not taking a stance in a conflict. Here are some interesting thoughts on the philosophy of neutrality from an article I found on the website Wikipedia:

Neutrality is not synonymous with objectivity. In a controversy, an objective person will not remain neutral but will choose the side supported by the most objective arguments. Objectivity therefore requires a choice, which is often difficult, whereas neutrality requires no choice. Note that in journalism objectivity is considered synonymous with neutrality. Neutrality implies not judging the validity of an opinion. Thus, a neutral person will provide a platform for all opinions, including irrational or malicious opinions. According to Dante, “The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis”. Woodrow Wilson said, “Neutrality is a negative word. It does not express what America ought to feel. We are not trying to keep out of trouble; we are trying to preserve the foundations on which peace may be rebuilt.”

As Christians we not called to neutrality, but rather we are called to discern--through prayer, searching the Scriptures, seeking godly counsel—the will of God and to stand firm in it. Romans 12:2 says “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

We are instructed in the Word to call what is evil “evil” and to call what is good “good”. This leaves no room for neutrality.

Romans 12:9 says, “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.”

Isaiah 5:20 says, “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!”

Sometimes our failure to take a stance in conflict has to do with our lack of sacrificial love. Taking a stance is inconvenient and sometimes comes at great cost to ourselves. Sometimes we give blind deference to people simply because of our past experience with them. This fails to account for the depravity and fallibility of man. No person is correct in all his actions and all his judgments in all things. God, however, is always correct in all His actions and all His judgments in all things.

For this reason, God’s Word should be our ultimate guide when we evaluate conflict, and we must fight to live by it and uphold it in His Body.

Titus 2:1-5 “But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. 2 Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. 3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. 6 Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. 7 Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, 8 and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. 9 Slaves are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, 10 not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior. 11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, 13 waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.5 Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you.”

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you that your ways are perfect and they are the path of all that is righteous and true. Help us to seek you in all that we do. Help us to discern right and wrong through prayer, study of your Word, and the counsel of Biblical community. Give us sacrificial love, courage, and dedication to you so that we might be impartial and yet not neutral. Give us wisdom and discernment so that we may follow you and take the stance you would have us take in all things. Help us all to fight for your truth. Help us to be peacemakers who are always true to you in all things. I ask this in Jesus Name, Amen.