Love that Lasts Marriage Quotes

I’ll admit it. I am a bit of a nerd. I love to read and discuss books. For my birthday present this year, I asked some family members to choose to read from a list of books I selected so that we could discuss. The books were “The Peacemaker” by Ken Sande; “Love that Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace” by Gary and Betsy Riccuci; “A Praying Life” by Paul Miller; or “Relationships a Mess Worth Making” by Paul Trip and Tim Lane.
One family member chose “Love that Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace”. He sent me a list of his favorite quotes from the book. It was so fun to see the book through his lens and also to review what I had read. I have to say, it was a great birthday present! Below are his favorite quotes from the book.  And since this is a post on marriage, I would like to dedicate it to my cousin Lisa and her fiancé Owen who got engaged this weekend!  Congratulations!

• "Briefly stated, Scripture teaches that marriage is a profound and marvelous relationship - a mystery, established by God for his glory." - pg. 20

• "The church is the place where men and women exchange worldly independence for biblical humility." - pg. 24

• "A couple who commits to a local church begins to put to death proud and dangerous independence." - pg. 24

• "Roles, it turns out, are a reflection of God's best, not a response to our worst! They display the wisdom of divine order and care and are designed to bring glory to God as they reflect his perfect plan for the greatest good of those he has created." - pg. 31

• "How remarkable and revealing that secular culture recognizes the wisdom of authority, leadership, and defined roles in almost every other area of life - business, sports, entertainment, government, the military, and education - but balks at the notion that men and women should have different roles in marriage." - pg. 34

• "We honor our wives by demonstrating our appreciation, courtesy, and respect: affirming the indications of God's active grace in their lives...Honor not expressed is not honor. Gratitude not expressed is not gratitude." - pg. 39

• "How marvelous that the God who created this tender, affectionate love is also the One who enables us to express it." - pg. 49

• "We may not realize it, but when we withhold respect, what we're really thinking is, When they're worthy, then I'll express respect. I'm so thankful God has never treated me this way! Psalm 103:10 reminds us, "He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities." - pg. 55

• "Yes, leadership and authority are obviously God-like qualities, but submission is every bit as God-like!" - pg. 58

• "If I posture myself to work on the beauty within, to fear the Lord, and rise to the example of this Proverbs 31 woman, at the very least I know I have sought to be God's girl and not a product of Woman's Day or Cosmopolitan. No longer is Proverbs 31 a list of impossible dreams, but instead it is now poetry, created to inspire me to be more than I am. - pg. 62

• "Married men and women - equal before God in dignity and value but different in function and role - have an inherent, God-given call and desire to regularly fit back into one another's lives, living in intimate companionship and fellowship with one another." - pg. 68

• "One way the foolishness of pride is displayed in our communication is in our love for our own voice and opinions. Consider this proverb, just one of many that ties our speech to wisdom and foolishness: "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion" (Proverbs 18:2)." - pg. 70

• "Certainly one threat is the dulling effect of busyness and routine in marriage. We can end up, in effect, worshiping efficiency and productivity at the expense of regular conversation about God, his Word, and his ways." - pg. 75

• "In fact, the absence of a growing intimacy between husband and wife, although tragically accepted in many marriages as "just the way things are," is in fact evidence of a series of choices to deviate from God's will and his abundantly available grace." - pg. 77

• "Some spouses love to talk easily and casually but find it a challenge to express more complex thoughts and feelings. Others have little patience for small talk and find value only in deeper interactions. The reality is that a marriage needs every type of conversation." - pg. 85

• "Our words are to be intentional in these three ways: good for building up, befitting the occasion, and giving grace to those who hear." - pg. 85

• "None of us ever matures beyond the need for encouragement (because we are still becoming more holy) or correction (because we still sin)." - pg. 91

• "Correct one another out of a desire to serve. Just as correction ought to be given as part of fellowship, not conflict, it must be performed as an act of servanthood, not judgment....Here Jesus warns against judging another's heart, motive, or intentions when we bring correction. Instead, our posture is to be humble and loving, not assuming ill about our spouse. In this way, our spouse benfits from our words, example of humility, and expression of true love." - pg. 93

• "When one spouse was disappointed by the other, the response was anger and unkindness rather than love and self-control." - pg. 98

• "All conflicts in a marriage can be resolved. Yes, all. Our God is able to resolve them. Therefore, any resignation, despair, or hopelessness you may feel regarding your marriage stems far more from an inadequate view of God than it does from any view, accurate or inaccurate, of your spouse or yourself." - pg. 104

• "Committing yourself to serve in the sanctification process over time is not to ignore or excuse your spouse's sin. It is to recognize that the Spirit of God generally brings illumination, understanding, and conviction gradually. Humble patience in a conflict echoes the long-suffering nature of God's love for us." - pg. 108

• "How many confess pride and covetousness with their lips but roll them as honey under their tongue. Augustine said that before his conversion he confessed sin and begged power against it, but his heart whispered within him, "not yet, Lord." - pg. 109

• "If romance is a priority, we will make time for it. If it isn't, we won't. That's how you tell if something is truly a priority. What we deeply value, we will make happen." - pg. 121

• "Bitterness is so wicked because of the self-righetous judgment that sees the faults and failures of others as exceeding our own. And it results in a failure to forgive others as we have been forgiven." - pg. 122

• "We also need to plan for romance; its priority is reflected in our choices about how we structure our time." - pg. 126

• "Romance to us simply means communicating - in as many consistent and creative ways as we can - that our spouse is the most important, precious, desirable person we will ever know." - pg. 131

• "Sex within marriage, with all its unifiying pleasure and procreative power, was God's idea, not ours. He is the author of our sexuality. When we develop a satisfying sexual relationship with our spouse, we honor God as the Creator and designer of sex." - pg. 134

• "In order for romance to deepen, you must touch the heart and mind of your wife before you touch her body." - pg. 139

My Journey Through the Book, "Love that Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace"

I just finished reading a fabulous book on marriage called “Love that Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace” by Gary and Betsy Ricucci. The book is gospel rich, grace saturated, humble and honest. Husband and wife, Gary and Betsy Ricucci, wrote it in tandem, interweaving between each other’s thoughts throughout the book. While reading it, I felt like I was visiting over coffee with a loving, godly, wise, older couple whose heart’s desire is to encourage other couples through Scripture and by sharing from their own real life trials and errors. Rather than feeling overwhelmed or condemned as I sometimes do when reading books about marriage or gender roles, the book left me feeling encouraged and hopeful.

The topics in this book are fairly familiar topics for marriage books—the roles of husband and wives, communication, conflict, romance, and physical intimacy. However, the difference between this book and some other books I have read on marriage is that the practical really flows from the theological. The authors demonstrate that imaging God in all the practical aspects of marriage flows out from knowing God and experiencing the gospel. The ability to show grace to our spouses flows from knowing and experiencing God’s grace for us. Our ability to love our spouse as God calls us to love our spouse must flow from these truths: 1) Apart from God’s mercy on us, we were once poor, naked, wretched, and blind and without hope; 2) God is completely good and Holy; 3) God, in His pure goodness and deeply sacrificial love, chose to make us His children in spite of our selves; 4) even though we are still fallen and prone to sin, we are gradually and patiently being transformed daily by God’s power and out of His kindness; 5) God wants us to honor Him by loving others as He has loved us……if we do not recognize these facts, we will not be able to love our spouse with patience, mercy, grace, persevering commitment, sacrificial service, and hope. We can only love in the way that God asks us to love because God has first loved us. 1 John 4:19 “We love because he first loved us.”

The Ricucci’s book created a hunger in me in three primary practical ways—1) to grow in my knowledge, experience, and understanding of the gospel of God; 2) to grow in tangibly loving my husband with the sincere, unconditional, and sacrificial servant love that Jesus shows me; and 3) to live a life of openness and honesty with my brothers and sisters in Christ and to live in such a way as to invite these brothers and sisters to speak the truth of Scripture into our lives.In reading the Ricuccis’ book, I am reminded of what hope there is in grace! When my life and my marriage becomes a list of do’s and don’ts, I get overwhelmed and fail. Grace, however, produces freedom and fertile soil for Biblical fruit. I was also reminded that our Great God is glorified much through grace! Ephesians 1:3-6 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.”

Another extremely valuable aspect of the Ricuccis’ book is their emphasis on Biblical community. Throughout the book, the Ricucci’s discuss the importance of transparency and accountability with other believers who can speak the truth of Scripture into their marriage. They even include Biblical community in their list of three “Defining Questions of Biblical Marriage” at the beginning of their book--the three questions they believe to be the “Defining Questions of Marriage” are: 1. Does Your Marriage Find its Purpose Primarily in God?; 2. Does Your Marriage Find its Hope in the Gospel of Grace?; and 3. Does your Marriage Find its Home in the Local Church?

I found this last question unpredictable and refreshing. I am starting to see that living a life of openness and honesty with my brothers and sisters in Christ and allowing these brothers and sisters to speak into my life IS an important way that I grow in grasping, experiencing, and living the gospel. It is also an important way that I can grow in servant love for my husband—particularly since I can be so blind to my own sin in this area or I can get so full of despair in this area. Sadly, I have not experienced very much of this type of Christian accountability in marriage. I wonder why this is. I can only imagine it is because marriage is so full of highs and lows, joys, sin, and challenges--marriage is where the rubber meets the road in so many ways. My own selfishness, lack of a servant heart, and lack of graciousness is most fully displayed in my marriage. Exposing these things to others involves risk. Exposing myself—particularly my heart and actions in marriage--does not make me look good. As we open up to others, we can find ourselves judged, rejected, scorned, or ridiculed. We can find that others are not trustworthy or discreet with what we share. Or we can find that others do not reciprocate with vulnerability, honesty, and humility about their own struggles (which can further feed our despair and shame). Don’t get me wrong—we ought to be discerning and wise about what information to share with whom—I am not suggesting that we share personal details from our marriage with everyone or that we indiscriminately accept advice from everyone (and certainly I am not suggesting that we share anything about our marriage without permission from our spouse!). Yet, I deeply want to experience true, deep, and mutual accountability with another couple who loves the Lord, who loves us, who is honest and real with us, who knows and values Scriptures as the authoritative standard by which we are to live our lives, and who will lovingly and graciously hold us accountable to that standard (and for whom we can do the same). The more I grow as a Christian, the more I long to know and be known. I long to know God as I know He already knows me. I also long to know and be known by His people because this is a primary way that I honor and image God and because it is a primary way that God grows and conforms me to His image. I want to be conformed to His image! I want to be helped in the ways that I am not yet conformed to His image—I want to be helped by being continually and lovingly reminded of His glorious truth in Scripture!

I’ll conclude this post with what Gary and Betsy Ricucci call “packing and traveling tips” for the “marriage adventure”. This is from page 156, the last page of their book:

First of all, don’t begin any leg of the journey with a focus on all that you have to do! Concerns like that are probably motivated by self-sufficient pride. Begin with what God has done for you in Jesus Christ. That’s humility and faith. The gospel redeems the past, provides for the present, and prepares for the future. In marriage, it is God’s activity through the finished work of Christ, applied in our lives by the indwelling Holy Spirit, that encourages and enables us and ensures our future. Every journey must begin here.

Study and know the Word of God. It is God’s lamp for your feet and a light for your path (Psalm 119:105); his water for washing, purifying, and refreshing your soul (Ephesians 5:26-27); his compass for discerning the direction of your heart (Hebrews 4:12); and his field guide, if you will… perfect, authoritative, accurate, and powerful to equip and take you each step of the way (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Be a humble learner, Grace will always follow.

And finally, don’t travel through marriage alone. Don’t travel isolated from one another, or isolated as a couple from the local church. Being alone wasn’t good in the garden (Genesis 2:18), and it isn’t a wise way to take a journey today (Proverbs 15:22). Being alone separates you from God’s means of growth and blessing (Proverbs 18:1; Romans 12:5: 1 Corinthians 12:18-21; Ephesians 4:15-16). And failing to meet with other believers is a bad and dangerous habit that leaves you vulnerable (Hebrews 10:24-25). Jesus is building his church, not isolated wilderness wanderers. God wants your journey to be shared.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the Ricuccis. Please continue to bless their marriage and to use them to edify your Body. Thank you for marriage. Thank you for all that you are teaching me through marriage. Please remind me daily that marriage is not the end-all, but rather it is a means of bringing you glory (by bringing us joy, by teaching us about your character, by revealing our sin to us and our need for you, and by providing opportunities for repentance, grace and transformation by your power!) Please help me grow in sincere, sacrificial, servant love for Kristian. Please help me to die to my selfishness and pride. I pray that you would bring into our lives real community and genuine mutual accountability with brothers and sisters in Christ in the area of growing in our marriage. May you be glorified in our marriage in every way. In Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

Gospel Hope for Marriages (…Or Actually For ANY Messy Relationship!)

I am reading a book called “Love that Lasts” by Gary & Betsy Ricucci. In chapter 1, the authors describe how the gospel offers hope and power for marriages (and really for any relationship). This section of the book leaves me to ponder the convicting question: "Do my thoughts, words, and actions in my relationships demonstrate to the world that the gospel really works?" Imagine what it would look like if I lived out of my gospel identity by the power of the Holy Spirit to the extent that I actually related towards other people in a way that reflects what Christ has done for me! Here is an excerpt from pages 22-23 of the book:

Because of the gospel, Christians have become new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17). Therefore, in our marriage, our past does not define us, confine us, or determine our future.

Because of the gospel, we are forgiven (Ephesians 1:7). Therefore we can live free of all guilt and condemnation for every sin, and we can trust that God, in his mercy, will be gracious to us.

Because of the gospel we can forgive, just as Christ forgave us (Ephesians 4:32). Nothing done against us compares to our sin against God. Therefore all offenses, hostility, and bitterness between Christians can be completely forgiven and removed.

Because of the gospel, we are accepted by God (Romans 15:7). Therefore we are not dependent on a spouse for who we are or what we need.

Because of the gospel, sin's ruling power over us is broken (Romans 6:6, 14). Therefore we can truly obey all that God calls us to do in our marriage, regardless of any circumstance or situation.

Because of the gospel, we have access to God through Christ (Hebrews 4:14-16). Therefore we can at any time take any need in our marriage to the One who can do all things.

Because of the gospel, we have hope (Romans 5:1-4). Therefore we can endure any marital difficulty, hardship, or suffering, with the assurance that God is working all to our greatest good (Romans 8:28).

Because of the gospel, Christ dwells in us by his Holy Spirit (Galatians 3:13-14). Therefore we are confident that God is always with us and is always at work in our marriage, even when progress is imperceptible (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).

Because of the gospel, we have power to fight and overcome remaining sin, which continues to dwell and war within us (Romans 7:19-21, 24-25; Galatians 5:16-17). This indwelling enemy represents the essence of what is called the doctrine of sin.