Advice

Man, Kristian and I caught some awful cold/flu bug.  It's the whole achy, fuzzy head, one minute freezing cold and the next burning hot, fever, cough that rocks your whole body kind of thing.  We've been down for the count.  I have not been up for blogging.  Thought I would take this opportunity to recycle an old post that is relevant to the series on Godly Speech that I would like to continue......someday. :) 

From December 2008:

Hindering Encouragement
I have been snowed in for the past few days. Kristian has been working a lot of evenings and weekends and we only have one working car at the moment. But thanks to our very dear friends, Wilson and Nora, I was able to go to church this morning and hear an awesome sermon on counting the cost of following Christ. Pastor Matt Bayley read this passage:

Matthew 16:13-28 Now when Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” 14 And they said, “Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” 15 He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” 16 Simon Peter replied, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” 17 And Jesus answered him, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. 18 And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. 19 I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” 20 Then he strictly charged the disciples to tell no one that he was the Christ.21 From that time Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised. 22 And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, “Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.” 23 But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.” 24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? 27 For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done. 28 Truly, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”

Something that really struck me today in hearing this passage were the strong and harsh words Jesus used with Peter when Peter tried to tell Jesus that he should not have to suffer the cross. Jesus actually called Peter “Satan”! That is about as harsh as it gets. Why would Jesus do that? Peter seems to have only been objecting to seeing his beloved Lord suffer. What kind of person would want to see their friend or loved one suffer?

We know more of the story than Peter did. We see that Jesus’ painful rejection, unfathomable suffering, and unjust murder constituted the ultimate act of loving obedience to the Father and loving rescue for us. While perhaps he meant well, Peter’s words were nothing less than satanic. Peter’s words were used of Satan to tempt Jesus into forgoing the act of denying Himself and paying the ultimate sacrifice to reconcile His people to our Righteous Heavenly Father. Peter’s words were death, and Jesus rebuked them fiercely.

Now before we start to look down on Peter for what he said to Jesus, we ought to consider how we give and receive encouraging and comforting words. Can our comforting and encouraging words to others or the comforting and encouraging words we receive from others actually be satanic? Can we give or receive comfort and encouragement that leads us away from the will of God and tempts or enables sin? Absolutely! That is a sobering thought. From Jesus’ response to Peter, we see how detrimental this can be. Let me be very clear here, this is not to say that all encouraging and comforting words are satanic. I hope this point is obvious. The Bible urges us to encourage and comfort one another. (for example see, 1 Thessalonians 5:14; 2 Cor 14; 2 Cor 1:3-4; Romans 1:12; 2 Cor 13:11) Encouragement is even a precious spiritual gift (Romans 12:6-8). Obviously, there is an encouragement and comfort that is good and from the Lord. However, we must recognize that encouragement and comfort is not necessarily always from the Lord and we must be discerning in how we give and receive it.

How can we do this?

1) Pray in faith. We ought to pray for wisdom and discernment to know whether what we want to say and what we hear from others is actually from God or from Satan, recognizing that as Peter’s example suggests, even Christians can be taken captive to do the will of Satan (see also 2 Timothy 2:22-26). We ought to pray for God to guide the content of our words and counsel and also the timing of them. James 1:5-6 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” In Matthew 6 when Jesus teaches the disciples how to pray, one of the things He tells them to pray is “lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” In Matthew 26, when the disciples fall asleep while Jesus is praying in Gethsemane, Jesus tells them: “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17-21 says, “Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 19 Do not quench the Spirit. 20 Do not despise prophecies, 21 but test everything; hold fast what is good.”


2) Compare what we want to say or what we hear to the Word of God. No advice, encouragement, or comfort should contradict what we know to be true from the Word of God. Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” 1 Timothy 6:3-5 says, “Teach and urge these things. 3 If anyone teaches a different doctrine and does not agree with the sound words of our Lord Jesus Christ and the teaching that accords with godliness, 4 he is puffed up with conceit and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions, 5 and constant friction among people who are depraved in mind and deprived of the truth, imagining that godliness is a means of gain.” 2 Timothy 3:14-17 says, “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it 15 and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.”

3) Examine motives. What are our motives in saying or receiving comforting words and encouragement? Do our motives have anything to do with avoiding pain or discomfort or inconvenience for ourselves? Do we just want to be liked? Do our motives have anything to do with wanting to be praised by men rather than by God? Are we seeking to gain something for ourselves by our smooth words at the expense of truth and love? Are we trying to avoid conflict because it is uncomfortable for us? Are we afraid that the other person will lash out at us or reject us? Are we just being careless with our words, blurting out whatever comes to mind without even thinking about their implications? This is not honoring to God or loving to others. This is selfish. Let us not forget Jesus’ words in Matthew 16:24 & 25: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

Earlier this year, I was talking to a dear friend about some very difficult things I was going through. Instead of urging me to take the easy way out of the situation or giving me false hope (i.e. hope in unpredictable circumstances), this friend actually led me to Matthew 16:24-25. It was the best thing she could have done for me. Even today, I was talking with another dear friend about a challenging conflict that I am facing. Rather than telling me that my motives were all right and that the person with whom I am in conflict was all wrong, my friend lovingly challenged me today to consider my own motives. This was the best thing she could have done for me. When I have talked to friends about the pain of infertility, the most helpful encouragement I have received is not that God will give me a child—no one knows if this is God’s will for my life! Rather, my friends who have been the most helpful are the ones who have encouraged me with Scripture (i.e. I don’t know if God will give me a child, but I do know that He works all things for my good—Romans 8:28). Instead of giving me false hope, they hugged me when I have needed comfort, loved me with thoughtful acts of service, and even lovingly rebuked me when I have needed it. Rather than helping me figure out how to avoid this trial that God has brought into my life for my good, they have lovingly walked with me through it.

Dear Heavenly Father,


Thank you that you do not leave us to ourselves. Thank you that you give us guidance and direction. Thank you that you show us truth in your word. Thank you that we can approach your throne of grace with confidence because of Jesus, and that you delight to guide us in your ways. Father, please guard our hearts against satanic encouragement. Protect us from being used by Satan and from listening to the lies Satan tries to get us to believe from encouragement that is not from you. Teach us to deny ourselves daily for your name sake. Help us to be unselfish in the words we speak to others, seeking to honor and glorify you and to love them in accordance with your truth. Help us to honor you in what advice and encouragement we receive from others, seeking your wisdom and discernment to know what is good and what is evil. We love you. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Godly Speech--Part I "No Corrupting Talk"

Words are very important to me. My favorite things to do are reading, writing, and having meaningful conversations with people. In my recent reading of the book of Proverbs, I was struck by how much Proverbs has to say about our communication---our listening and speaking.
A verse that I have had sitting on my desk at work for months is:

Ephesians 4:29 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (ESV)

I really like how the NIV says it as well:

Ephesians 4: 29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

I want to look at this verse in a series of blog posts. I want to start with the question: What is “unwholesome” or “corrupting” talk? Sometimes the first thing people tend to think of when we hear the term “unwholesome” talk is swearing. Reducing it to that misses the point of this verse--which is ACTIVELY LOVING those around us with our speech. We are to speak in such away that builds others up and that benefits them. When we speak in an unwholesome or corrupting way, we tear others down and we harm them.

Speech that tears down does not acknowledge and reflect the truth of what God tells us in His Word about what is good and pure. Speech that tears down is not speech that is humbly spoken out of sacrificial love that benefits others. To the contrary, speech that is “unwholesome” and “corrupting” and that tears others down reflects the wickedness of our hearts apart from the redeeming work of Christ.

Romans 1 discusses some of the ways this wickedness manifests in our fallen hearts:

Romans 1:29-32 “They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31 foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.”
It is interesting to me how this list of wickedness from Romans 1 can manifest in our speech. Here are some examples:

• Instead of acknowledging God’s truth from His Word, we use our speech to call what is evil “good”. We do the same when we call what is good “evil”. In both instances, we speak from a place of being wise in our own eyes (i.e. what sounds or feels good to us) rather than heeding what God shows us to be true in His Word. Sometimes we do this because we proudly think we know best or because we are showing off. Other times we do this because we hate what God is calling us to or we are deceived, and we only want to justify our pursuit of our own sinful desires. Still other times we do this because we are too lazy to humbly come to God for wisdom in prayer and study of His Word.

• We speak in ways that do not acknowledge the truth of the grace of God for us and others. We condemn, we put down, and we cultivate despair.
• We use our words as weapons in ways that are intended to hurt others. Sometimes we do this because we are envious or covetous of others and we want to degrade them and exalt ourselves. Sometimes we do this because we have been sinned against and we feel justified in using our words to hurt or using our words in careless ways without regard to whether they will hurt others. Sometimes we use our words as weapons to punish others for what they have done to us and we do not trust the justice of our God or grasp the significance of His mercy and grace to us. Sometimes we use our words as weapons in unintended ways because we do not exercise self control or discretion. And sometimes we use our words as weapons out of cruelty and ruthlessness simply because we can.

• We use our speech to attract the praise of men in our proud desire to be worshipped.

• We use our speech to disrespect or to rebel against the authority structures that God has given us. We are all called to submit to someone, and we do not necessarily like that. We want to be our own authority, so we undermine the authority of those in leadership over us with our tongues—either directly to their face or indirectly behind their backs. We do this in ways that are overt and in ways that are passively aggressive.

• We use our tongue in thoughtless, foolish, and careless ways—not giving thought to what is true or to what can harm those who listen. We speak without discretion and self control, not giving thought to the appropriateness, truth or effect of our words. We are particularly vulnerable to this when we are bored and idle. See 1 Timothy 5:13

• We use our tongue in ways that are manipulative and calculated to bring about our own desires and the evil intentions of heart—whether we are aware of our intentions or not.

• We use our speech to deceive and lie when it suits our purposes. Also, instead of confessing and repenting of the sin that lurks in our heart, we speak in ways that are insincere and that reflect our fear of man instead of our fear of God.

• We use our tongue to deliberately incite a reaction, to create drama, or to inflame conflict or we use our tongue carelessly in ways that will produce in drama or conflict.

• We listen to and speak unsavory things about a third party when they are not present for our own entertainment and the entertainment of others. Sometimes these unsavory details are true, or untrue, or half true. Sometimes we “share” or “listen” under the guise of seeking or offering prayer or advice, and yet we fail to exercise discretion in deciding whom we chose to confide or in deciding how and how much divulge, and sometimes we have no real intention to listen to godly counsel in the matter anyway. We gossip, we slander, and we listen to gossip and slander. Again, we are vulnerable to these forms of “entertainment” particularly when our hands are idle and not occupied with the work to which God has called us. See 1 Timothy 5:13

Notice that all of these motives of our speech are about serving our own interests and not about serving the interests of others!!

Here are some more helpful Scriptures on what is ”unwholesome” speech:

Psalm 52:1-4


“Why do you boast of evil, O mighty man?
The steadfast love of God endures all the day.
2 Your tongue plots destruction,
like a sharp razor, you worker of deceit.


3 You love evil more than good,
and lying more than speaking what is right.
4 You love all words that devour,
O deceitful tongue.”


Psalm 64:2-4
“Hide me from the secret plots of the wicked,
from the throng of evildoers,
3 who whet their tongues like swords,
who aim bitter words like arrows,
4 shooting from ambush at the blameless,
shooting at him suddenly and without fear.


Proverbs 6:23-24
“For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light,
and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life,
24 to preserve you from the evil woman,
from the smooth tongue of the adulteress. “


Proverbs 10: 17-21
“Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life,
but he who rejects reproof leads others astray.
18 The one who conceals hatred has lying lips,
and whoever utters slander is a fool.
19 When words are many, transgression is not lacking,
but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.
20 The tongue of the righteous is choice silver;
the heart of the wicked is of little worth.
21 The lips of the righteous feed many,
but fools die for lack of sense.”


Proverbs 12:18-19
“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
19 Truthful lips endure forever,
but a lying tongue is but for a moment.”


Proverbs 13:12-13


“Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense,
but a man of understanding remains silent.
13 Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets,
but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.”

Proverbs 15:1-2
“A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
2 The tongue of the wise commends knowledge,
but the mouths of fools pour out folly.”


Proverbs 18:2
“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding,
but only in expressing his opinion.”


Proverbs 18:6-8
“A fool's lips walk into a fight,
and his mouth invites a beating.
7 A fool's mouth is his ruin,
and his lips are a snare to his soul.
8 The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels;
they go down into the inner parts of the body.”


Proverbs 18:12-14
“Before destruction a man's heart is haughty,
but humility comes before honor.
13 If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame.
14 A man's spirit will endure sickness,
but a crushed spirit who can bear?”


Proverbs 20
“Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets;
therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.
20 If one curses his father or his mother,
his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.”


Jeremiah 9:3-9
"They bend their tongue like a bow;
falsehood and not truth has grown strong in the land;
for they proceed from evil to evil,
and they do not know me, declares the LORD.
4 Let everyone beware of his neighbor,
and put no trust in any brother,
for every brother is a deceiver,
and every neighbor goes about as a slanderer.
5 Everyone deceives his neighbor,
and no one speaks the truth;
they have taught their tongue to speak lies;
they weary themselves committing iniquity.
6 Heaping oppression upon oppression, and deceit upon deceit,
they refuse to know me, declares the LORD.
7 Therefore thus says the LORD of hosts:
“Behold, I will refine them and test them,
for what else can I do, because of my people?
8 Their tongue is a deadly arrow;
it speaks deceitfully;
with his mouth each speaks peace to his neighbor,
but in his heart he plans an ambush for him.
9 Shall I not punish them for these things? declares the LORD,
and shall I not avenge myself
on a nation such as this?"


2 Corinthians12:19-21 “Have you been thinking all along that we have been defending ourselves to you? It is in the sight of God that we have been speaking in Christ, and all for your up building, beloved. 20 For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder. 21 I fear that when I come again my God may humble me before you, and I may have to mourn over many of those who sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual immorality, and sensuality that they have practiced.”


Ephesians 4:31 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”


Colossians 3:5-10 “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 On account of these the wrath of God is coming. 7 In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. 8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.”


1 Timothy 5:13 “Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.”


1 Timothy 6:2-5 “Teach and urge these things. 3 If anyone teaches a different doctrine and does not agree with the sound words of our Lord Jesus Christ and the teaching that accords with godliness, 4 he is puffed up with conceit and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions, 5 and constant friction among people who are depraved in mind and deprived of the truth, imagining that godliness is a means of gain.”


2 Timothy 3:1-7 “But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 6 For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, 7 always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.”

Next time, I’d like to look at what it means to “build others up” or “benefit those who listen” in ways that “fit the occasion” or coincide with the needs of others.

Heavenly Father, Thank you that you are a God who speaks to us and that there is Awesome power in your Word. Help us to listen. Help us to learn from your example, Jesus, of redeemed speech. Transform our hearts, because without you, we default to the sinful motives like the ones listed in Romans 1. We humbly come before you knowing that we need you in every way, and asking you to fill us with love for you and others that flows out of us by the Spirit in our thoughts, speech, and actions. In Jesus Name, Amen.