Rejoicing

Found the dose of encouragement below from the Girl Talk blog:
http://www.girltalkhome.com/blog/still-rejoicing

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." James 1:2-3
To "count it all joy" doesn't mean we will always feel happy in the midst of trials; but regardless of how we feel, it is a command we can and should obey. Martyn Lloyd Jones explains:

“There is all the difference in the world between rejoicing and feeling happy. The Scripture tells us that we should always rejoice [Phil. 4:4]....To rejoice is a command, yes, but there is all the difference in the world between rejoicing and being happy. You cannot make yourself happy, but you can make yourself rejoice, in the sense that you will always rejoice in the Lord. Happiness is something within ourselves, rejoicing is ‘in the Lord.’ Take the fourth chapter of the Second Epistle to the Corinthians. There you will find that the great Apostle puts it all very plainly and clearly in that series of extraordinary contrasts which he makes: ‘We are troubled on every side (I don’t think he felt very happy at the moment) yet not distressed’, ‘we are perplexed (he wasn’t feeling happy at all at that point) but not in despair’, ‘persecuted but not forsaken’, ‘cast down, but not destroyed’--and so on. In other words the Apostle does not suggest a kind of happy person in a carnal sense, but he was still rejoicing."

Thirty Five

I woke up yesterday morning with an overwhelming sense of deep joy and gratitude.  On the car ride to work, I felt the Spirit telling me that God loves me and that I am not alone and that I need to hold on.  This is significant because I have been going through maybe the darkest time of my life emotionally--feeling like God is distant and feeling very alone, discouraged, and disillusioned.  I think the otherwise inexplicable shift in my mood yesterday had something to do with the fact that people have been praying for me a lot.  Also, the day before, I read a soul feeding sermon by Charles Spurgeon on the joy of the Lord.  That article truly spoke to me.  I will post it here sometime soon. 

Anyway, I have experienced much worse in my life circumstantially, and even the cirumstances in which I find myself today are not new to me.  In the scheme of suffering in the world, my trials are quite small.  And yet, to me, they have felt overwhelming to me.  And I have felt so very alone.  It has been hard to see God and it has been hard to feel the support of those around me--even though I KNOW I am blessed with an amazing network of family and friends.  I debated whether to write about all of this on my public blog.  But ultimately, I want to walk in the light--in sincerity and in truth.  And also, I suspect there are many others out there who have felt this way--perhaps everyone has felt this way at some point in their life.  Maybe my writing could show even one person that they are not alone. 

To tell you the truth, even after yesterday's high, I am feeling pretty deflated again today.  One of the things that is exaccerbating how I feel about this season of my life is the fact that I turned 35 yesterday!  There are so many ways I expected a different life at this age.  Almost 5 years ago, I quit a career I loved as a lawyer because Kristian and I wanted to pursue having children.  We have been married for 8 years (at the end of this month), and we have been unable to have kids.  It seems like most of our friends and family have moved onto the parenting stage of their lives, and in many ways, it feels like we don't fit in.  I am working a job I love for a lot of reasons (namely the people and getting to be a part of building something with my family--it's a family business), but it is not in the field for which I went to school and for which I have the same passion.   I don't have that feeling of knowing that what I am doing is directly making a difference in someone's life.  I find myself struggling with sins and weaknesses in my life that keep resurfacing and causing damage.  I miss friends who have disappeared for one reason or another, some gradually and some abruptly.  I am grieved over brokeness and sin that has resulted in unreconciled and abandoned relationships in the Body of Christ and the apathy that allows this to continue uninterrupted.  And I am facing other struggles in life that I cannot write about here. 

So there it is.  That is where I have been and where I am at.  It is not pretty, I know.  But it is real.  I know there are some who will simply think I am whiny and grumbling.  And I freely confess that I have done some of that.

But what my real problem is is that I am losing focus on my identity in Christ.  I am after all, a branch in the vine.  Jesus is the vine and I need to be connected to Him to live and thrive.  The things to which Christ calls me are counter-intuitive to my flesh--they are humble and quiet and not about my own glory or pride or selfish gratification or popularity.  Christ has called me to do justice, love mercy, and to walk humbly with Him.  He has called me to love others sacrificially, to pursue the lonely, broken, lost, and outcaste, to endure through suffering and hardship, to love and serve those who hurt me, to seek to be filled with Him ultimately and not the things and people of this world, to keep my eyes on Him--not on this world or what this world calls "success".  The thing is that I cannot live this way without complete and constant reliance on Christ!  I cannot live this way without constantly going to His feet in prayer--pouring out my heart to Him and listening to His words in His Word--which reveals His heart, and His heart for me!  And yet, that is exactly what I do.  I withdraw from Him.  I stop speaking to Him.  I stop letting Him speak to me through His Word.  I stop letting Him speak to me through His people through isolation.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with mourning and grieving, there is a time for this and life is difficult.  But rather than simply mourning and grieving, instead I wallow.  I no longer let my mind steep in the things of God (see Philippians 4 "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise"), instead I steep in my circumstances, negative thoughts, failures, the world around me, etc. 

And the truth is, I have truly tasted deep joy that supercedes the darkest circumstances of my life.  I know it is there.  I know it is no saccrine fake "joy" that is rooted in denial or blind optimism.  It is a joy that is not afraid of the truth, but rather it is actually rooted in deep precious truth.  It is a joy that is supernatural.  It is the joy I experienced yesterday.  It is the joy I will fight for today and tomorrow. 

Yesterday, I was overwhelmed with such kind birthday wishes.  One of the sweetest wishes included a description of me as "optimistic"--that might be hard to believe after this post.  What I hope that person actually saw in me and will continue to see in me is hope and joy--not in my circumstances, not in my accomplishments, not in my abilities, but in my Jesus who has never failed me and who has never left me (even when I could not feel His presence) and who is unchanging, faithful and true to all of His promises!!  AMEN!  And I hope those of you who have been praying for me will continue to pray.

Here are some pictures of my birthday:

Great article from CCEF:

http://www.ccef.org/what-not-say-those-who-are-suffering

What Not to Say to Those Who are Suffering

Ed Welch

“It could be worse. Imagine if you broke both legs.”

We have some odd ways of cheering each other up.

Most of our bone-headed comments to suffering people are offered with passable intentions, and most of those comments are judged by their recipients as misguided rather than malicious, but it sure would be nice to improve our record of encouragement in the midst of pain.

We could all generate a Top Ten List of words we spoke or received that make us shudder when we think about them. Here is one that, I suspect, makes a lot of lists.

“What is God teaching you through this?”

Hmmm. This is orthodox. God does teach us in our suffering, and he is working all things together for good. We agree with C.S.Lewis when he writes that pain is God’s megaphone to arouse a deaf world. But the story of Jezebel and her entrails being food for the dogs is orthodox too. We are after orthodoxy that is relevant, pastoral and edifying.

Consider a few of the possible problems with this question.

·         It tends to be condescending. If you heard this question from someone, you probably didn’t hear compassion.

·         It suggests that suffering is a solvable riddle. God has something specific in mind and we have to guess what it is. Welcome to a cosmic game of Twenty-Questions, and we better get the right answer soon; otherwise, the suffering will continue.

·         It suggests that we have done something that has unleashed the suffering.

·         It undercuts God’s call to all suffering people, “Trust me.”

To briefly respond to these four problems,

·         Suffering compels us to modesty. Scripture gives us a number of insights into human suffering, but no insight is exhaustive. The mystery in suffering reminds us that we are still like children who don’t understand how good parents can impose difficulties in our lives. In light of the mystery, humility is natural and necessary. For those who speak to suffering people, humility before the Lord is expressed in humility before the suffering person.

·         We over-interpret suffering. I am speaking with a person now who has gone through horrible suffering in her life, and “What is God trying to tell you?” has been the question everyone asks. She has wondered for years why she doesn’t have an answer yet. All she can figure is that she is too sinful to get it or God is not giving out the answer key – so she is alternately guilty and frustrated. Job in the Old Testament and the man born blind in the New Testament (John 9) should keep us from endless speculation about God’s precise intent. Neither one was supposed to get what God was teaching them.

·         Focus on a sin-suffering nexus to your peril. Granted, the question might not assume that the suffering person is in sin. The question might have been intended more positively, as in “How are you learning about the Lord in this?” But unless there is an absolutely clear connection between a person’s sin and suffering, and it is obvious to every believer on the planet, then we shouldn’t make the connection and do everything we can to keep the suffering person from making the connection. Most of us see more of our sin during our suffering – I know I do – but that doesn’t mean our sin was the cause of the suffering.

·         Insight can work against faith. By that I don’t mean that we should be mindless stoics in our suffering. But when our primary goal is to discover a personal message about a specific deficiency in our lives, then we are resting in our human understanding rather than the plainly revealed character of God. Faith is our calling in suffering – faith in Jesus Christ. This is not a mindless leap into the unknown. It is a turn of heart, away from us and to Jesus. In our suffering we want to remember that God is, indeed, good and compassionate. Jesus’ incarnation and his voluntary suffering culminating with the cross are the undeniable evidence. Then we trust him.

Some have heard the question, “What is God teaching you?” and, though not especially edifying, the question wasn’t discouraging. If so, expect that this question was not the first one asked, and it was asked in the context of a secure relationship.

When in doubt, skip the question all together.

Replace it with something like this.

“How can I pray for you?”

Here is a hard working question. With it we are coming beside those who suffer, we are reminding them that God hears, we are asking them to consider the promises of God to them, and we are saying that they are going to be on our heart. If we get an answer such as “pray that God would leave me alone” or a roll of the eyes – something that suggests either anger or spiritual indifference – then we can propose something that is a promise of God, such as comfort or the knowledge of God’s love and presence.

Even better than “How can I pray for you?” we could pray for the person on the spot. “How could I pray for you now?” And after that comes the most important part – we follow up. When we pray for someone we keep praying and we pray until we have witnessed God on the move.

And I didn’t personally say the one about the legs. I am guilty for many other unedifying comments, but I didn’t say the one about the legs. A “friend” said it. Really.

Random Thoughts on the Worthiness of God in Light of Suffering

I do firmly believe with all that I am that Jesus is worth it.  He is worth every suffering this world has to offer.  I know He is good.  I really, really believe that.  The more I see of His character in the Word, the more I believe that.  Accordingly, I know He would not have subjected this world to the type of suffering that it has if it was not worth it.  And His Word tells me that.  I believe the joy that awaits us more than outweighs the deepest heartache and the ugliest sin.  It is still heartbreaking to hear about torture.  It is still heartbreaking to hear about starving and neglected and abused children.  It is still heartbreaking to hear about illness or death of a dearly loved one.   It is still heartbreaking to hear of divorce and rejection and “love” that doesn’t last.  It is still heartbreaking to hear about children sick or lost or never had.  It is still heartbreaking to hear about aging, ill, suffering and lonely parents and grandparents. It’s heartbreaking to think of the Proverbs 31 woman who never finds a husband. Life still hurts.  And Jesus has compassion on us.  He hasn’t asked us to endure anything He hasn’t endured Himself—and He is the only one in the World who is innocent.  He is our example of how to endure.    But it still hurts.  This life hurt Him too.  Our pain hurts Him.  He remembers that we are but dust.  He wept with Mary and Martha, even though He knew the outcome was going to be better than they could have dreamed.  This is why we weep too—at the suffering we experience and at the suffering of those around us.  We are real with Him and with others, and He heals us and grows us in this realness (Bible calls walking in the light).  We don’t have to pretend with Him or others and He doesn’t want us to.  And He wants us to go to Him… and not simply seek every kind of distraction from the pain. 

Heartbreak

I love this quote from C.S. Lewis from his book, "The Four Loves".  It applies to all kinds of love. 

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."


I have to say that to deeply and truly love another besides God inevitably results in heartbreak.  Even loving God does, because you can't love God without loving people sacrificially.  Yet there is something to be gained in being broken and in humbly and sacrificially risking. 

Luke 9:23-24 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.

Psalm 34:18 "17 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.  18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Matthew 5: 2-12 And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. 5 “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. 6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. 7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. 8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. 9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. 10 “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Storm

A beloved friend introduced me to this song a couple years ago.  I love it.  It helped me through a really hard time in my life and it still comforts me. 

How I Keep it Real With Jesus & Lessons Learned from Malia and Sasha, the Obama Kids

One of my prayers today:

Sometimes I feel like You have forgotten about me…like I am just a waste of breath...like I am a ghost…like my life has been put on pause while I watch from the background the lives of those around me still rolling. I feel irrelevant in Your plan, and I wonder if You or anyone remembers that I am still here. I wonder what to do and what You want from me. I wonder what it looks like to move forward in a plan I never made and never wanted. I feel guilty because deep within me I know that I am blessed far beyond anything I deserve, and I know that I have all that I need to experience the most abundant joy that supersedes circumstance. And I have even tasted that joy and I truly know that nothing has or will ever compare. But today it eludes me. It is hard for me to remember that life is far more than what I can see because what I see is bleak. It is bleak for me and it is incredibly more bleak for many others who are suffering from torture, abuse, poverty, sickness, broken relationships, abandonment, loneliness, fear, depression, and other forms of pain, grief, and loss. As I lose perspective on eternity, my sinful pride stings with the knowledge that, by the world’s standards, I am a failure. I decided to walk away from a promising career to pursue a family. Many years later, I am still childless. I wonder what I am supposed to do now. I fear I will never have a child and I wonder whether my husband and I will be okay with that. Are we still a family? Am I less of a woman? Are we less human? I am at my all time highest weight and cannot imagine that my husband finds me attractive anymore. I have still not mastered an ordered home. My pride sickens me, and yet it doesn’t sicken me enough. The sad truth is that some of my worldly failure is also a result of sin—I have failed You. I am still selfish and lazy and undisciplined with my time and resources—time and resources that are a gift from You and that could be spent at Your feet and serving those around me in Your honor. I have wanted to change, and I have begged for change. It also eludes me.


Where are you, God, and what would You say to me? I know that I am a speck of dust in the presence of the Only Majestic, Awesome, God, Wise, Loving, Righteous, Just, Creator of the World. And yet your Word tells me I am Yours. It tells me that Jesus died for this speck of dust--that you have loved and sacrificed for and redeemed this speck of dust. It tells me that I am no longer your enemy but your friend and even your child and heir. It tells me that I won’t always be broken like I am and that one day my brokenness will no longer hinder me from seeing you and being fully satisfied in you. But for now, I don’t get it and I can’t see it.

I confess I hesitated to post this blog. It exposes me. It exposes that I still believe lies and I still struggle to believe the truth of God’s promises. It exposes my pride. It exposes that I still search for ultimate significance and satisfaction in things that can never deliver.  It exposes my failure to live as I ought considering all that God has given me.  It exposes my confusion. It exposes my pain. It exposes my doubt.  It exposes my raw emotion toward God.  To many I will look the fool.  Some will judge me or think poorly of me. Some will think I am being dramatic or a downer. Some will think I am unstable. Some won't be able to relate.  Some will think I just need a dose of optimism or "happy thoughts". Some never think of such things. Some won't really care.  Some will be uncomfortable with me and won’t know what to say or do. Some will doubt my faith in God. Some will think I am not fit for formal ministry with my husband. Everyone will see that I am broken and a mess and a sinner. But in the spirit of my last post, I just want to be real, sincere, true, and honest about who I am, even if it is ugly and messy. I want to care more about what God thinks of me than about what others think.  I want to encourage others.  Maybe it will encourage even one person who can relate to where I am at, whether they are a Christian or a non-Christian. Most of all, I pray that any exposure of who I am—with my many, many warts and all—will show the world what a GRACIOUS, MERCIFUL, KIND, LOVING God who would stoop down to love me—not in some generic universal way, but in a personal way. Because Jesus is my Lord who took my sins upon Himself and was crucified because of them, I have been acquitted and I am free. I am free to be in relationship with a Perfectly Holy God who because of His Perfect Righteousness cannot tolerate sin. Light cannot live with darkness. What is pristine cannot co-mingle with mud and remain pristine. My sin and failure has corrupted me, but because Jesus paid for ALL of my sin (past, present, and future), my slate is washed clean before my God. Because of what Jesus did for me, God is no longer this distant King, but He is my Father the King.

By illustration, I am now like Malia and Sasha who are the daughters of President Obama. The world calls him “Mr. President”. The world stands back, showing deference and respect for the prestigious office of President of the United States of America. While Malia and Sasha also show Barack Obama the respect and deference due to him as their father and president, they also run into his arms. They have access to the President that the rest of the world doesn’t. As a loving father, President Obama delights in their hugs and kisses, and eagerly invites them to share their true hearts—hopes, dreams, sorrows, struggles, and even failures—with him. He wants to know them, bless them, and help them.  That is a good father’s heart. Our God is the Best Father. He is better than any earthly father. For all who acknowledge their sin and need of saving, for all who trust in Jesus’ work on the cross, and for all who submit to Jesus as Lord and first in their life, we have this kind of access to God Our Father.  It is freely available to any who would come to Him.

And so I pour my heart out to my God. I tell him where I truly am, even though in His Omnipotence and Infinite Wisdom, He already knows. He still wants to hear from me. And talking to Him comforts me because I know that He is there and I know that He cares. His Word always reminds me of who He is and what He has done and how much He loves.  Because of this, even as I write the last sentence of this post, my heart is not the same as when I wrote the first.

Helpful Scriptures:

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”


Psalm 103


Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
5 who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his acts to the people of Israel.
8 The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
9 He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
10 He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
13 As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
14 For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass;
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its place knows it no more.
17 But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children's children,
18 to those who keep his covenant
and remember to do his commandments.
19 The LORD has established his throne in the heavens,
and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Bless the LORD, O you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his word,
obeying the voice of his word!
21 Bless the LORD, all his hosts,
his ministers, who do his will!
22 Bless the LORD, all his works,
in all places of his dominion.
Bless the LORD, O my soul!

Luke 12 “I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. 5 But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell.  Yes, I tell you, fear him! 6 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. 7 Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Ephesians 2


12 remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. 13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. 14 For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility 15 by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, 16 and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. 17 And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. 18 For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. 19 So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, 20 built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, 21 in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. 22 In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.


Romans 8


There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit………. 18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

1 Peter 5
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 11 To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

My Good

I was about to turn 10 years old. My aunt and uncle, both of whom have always been like a second pair of parents to me, bravely ventured a road trip to Disneyland with their three kids, my sister, and me. To this day, that trip was one of my fondest memories. I was the eldest kid of the group, then came my sister Nisha aged 8, my cousin Emmi aged 7, my cousin Joe aged 5 and my cousin Lisa aged 2. My uncle drove us for hours and hours as we were all packed in their old station wagon, and I remember watching through the window--the rosy sunsets, the rolling sand dunes, the vast farmland, and the bright stars piercing through the black night. We kids listened to the radio, played games, talked, slept…and sometimes fought or cried. I remember we got to stay at motels with swimming pools, and we loved to swim in the sunshine. We visited Knott’s Berry Farm, Sea World, and of course, Disneyland. It really was a kid’s dream come true. My aunt and uncle were so amazing. I think that of them even more so now that I am an adult since I can better appreciate just how much work it would be to take 5 kids under the age of 10 on such a long road trip! Their station wagon even overheated and broke down in San Diego.  They had to buy a new one for the return trip home! Yet even this did not dampen their joy.  Only one thing bothered me on this otherwise idyllic trip. My parents had given us each some pocket money to spend on the trip. For some reason, I had my heart set on getting a t-shirt from every place we visited as a souvenir. However, every time we came to a gift shop, my aunt would not allow me to buy a t-shirt. I could not understand why. I was frustrated. I was irritated. I was disappointed. After all, it was my money. Why couldn’t I spend it in the way that I liked? (I know, I was a whiny, selfish, brat.) On one of our last days in California, I woke up to a birthday breakfast celebration. It was my birthday. Everyone sang “Happy Birthday” to me. And, as if this memorable trip was not such an amazing gift enough, my aunt handed me a wrapped present. I had no idea what the present could be. I tore the paper, and carefully opened the box. To my astonishment, there inside were all the t-shirts I had wanted to buy with “my own money”. My aunt had lovingly bought and collected them for me to present to me--free of charge--on my birthday. As you can imagine, I felt pretty convicted about being so selfish and pout-y and for assuming the worst of people who loved and took care of me so well. But I also felt humbled, grateful, and loved.

I have often thought of this story as a parallel to the way that I often relate to God. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Too often though, I forget the next verse, Romans 8:29, which gives me insight into what working for my good actually looks like and means: “For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.”

I am so short-sighted in what I consider “my good”. I default to associating my good with immediate relief, with maximized pleasure now and minimized pain now--and all in the ways that I see best. As audacious as it is, I get frustrated, irritated, and disappointed with God when He does not orchestrate my life in congruence with MY concept of my own good. Why wouldn’t He give me a child? Why wouldn’t He open the eyes of my friend to see things my way (which is clearly the right way :) )? Why wouldn’t He make it easier for me to walk in holiness? Why did He let that person die? Why didn’t He bring that dream into fruition? Why? Why? Why?

Just like I forgot to trust my aunt and uncle who loved me and had always been good to me, I forget to trust my God who loves me with a PERFECT, UNFAILING, STEADFAST love and who is the DEFINITION of all that is good and right and who has never failed in His FAITHFULNESS to me. I forget to trust that His definition of “good” is infinitely greater than my definition of “good”. The good He has in store for His people is beyond what we can hope for or imagine, and yet we settle for so much less and pout when we don’t get some lesser thing than God Himself. In his sermon, the Weight of Glory, C.S. Lewis insightfully observed:

Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

As Romans 8:29 tells me, God’s vision of my good is that I get to enjoy Him in relationship—unencumbered by sin—conformed to the image of Christ so that I could enjoy being with Him as His FAMILY (the scandal of which is that I don’t deserve to be with Him even as His slave!). There is no greater joy. There is no greater good for me. This good is more than worth every pain as He strips me of my self-reliance, my unworthy affections, and my empty idols and instead carves into my soul with the knife of affliction--steadfastness, character, and genuine faith—making me His in every way...and even using me (as flawed and broken as I am) to draw others into fellowship with Him too. What a God He is!

Psalm 84
How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD of hosts!
2 My soul longs, yes, faints
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
to the living God.
3 Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O LORD of hosts,
my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house,
ever singing your praise!
5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
in whose heart are the highways to Zion.
6 As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
the early rain also covers it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.
8 O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer;
give ear, O God of Jacob!
9 Behold our shield, O God;
look on the face of your anointed!
10 For a day in your courts is better
than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
12 O LORD of hosts,
blessed is the one who trusts in you!

Legacy of Three Mt. Hood Climbers

Saturday night, we gathered together with family and friends to celebrate my cousin Lisa’s 25th
birthday. As we sat enjoying Tutta Bella’s delicious pizza and drinks, Lisa’s boyfriend, Owen, anxiously anticipated news about his dear friend Luke who had not reported back after a climbing trip. Luke was an avid and experienced climber and Owen fully expected to hear that Luke had made it safely down the mountain. During the meal, Owen’s cell phone rang and he quietly slipped away to take the call. Minutes later, Owen returned to the table—the anguish on his face was unmistakable. The tears flowed freely down his face and he was barely able to speak. He had received stunning and unbelievable news. Searchers had recovered the body of his dear friend, 26 year-old Luke Gullberg. Owen was utterly broken with grief over the loss of his friend. Our hearts broke too as we heard the story of this young man and as we witnessed the deep pain of Owen’s loss.

I’ve never met Luke Gullberg, but according to Owen, he was a remarkable friend. News reports suggest that Luke may have died in a sacrificial effort to get help for the other two friends who were climbing with him that day—one of whom may have been injured. Ever since we heard about Luke and his two friends who are still missing, we have been praying—for the family and friends who are grieving the loss of Luke, for Katie Nolan and Anthony Vietti who are still missing, for the family and friends who are desperately longing to hear news about Katie and Anthony, and for all who were tirelessly working to rescue the stranded climbers. At this point, there is little hope that Katie and Anthony are still alive even though they have yet to be found. From all accounts, Luke, Katie, and Anthony loved Jesus, loved people, and just made this world a little better.

I was so moved to hear the accounts of these three climbers’ families. Luke’s family suffered the loss of Luke’s mom to cancer last year. And yet, the families have hope in God—a God who is in COMPLETE control and who is ALWAYS working for the good of His people. The confounding enormity of the pain and loss of these three precious lives points to the unfathomable enormity of what is to come…the hope of glory…the inexpressible and glorious joy of the life ahead for all who follow Jesus, a life lived in unfettered and perfect communion with our Magnificent God, the eternal weight of glory. The incomprehensible claim to which Scripture bids us to cling is that this real, raw, and wretched suffering is actually part of God's sovereign, wise, and good plan to bring about the glorious end for which we long. Somehow that awaited life makes even the most real, the most raw, and the most wretched suffering in this life pale in comparison.

Only this eternal and inestimable hope would allow a heartbroken father to say:

"This has not shaken our faith," said John Vietti, Anthony Vietti's father. "This has strengthened our faith." (quoted from: http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/12/16/oregon.mssing.hikers/index.html )

Wow.

John Vietti’s stunning words echo the heart of another devastated father who lost his beloved children and all that he had:

Job 1:20-21 “Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. 21 And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”

They also bring to mind the powerful words of Habakkuk as he anticipated great calamity:

Habakkuk 3:17-19


Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
19 GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places.

What an incredible testimony to the supreme worth of our God.

Though many of us have never met them, the lives and deaths of Luke Gullberg, Anthony Vietti, Katie Nolan, and the faith of their families and friends have left their impact on this world—strengthening our feeble faith and increasing our sheer awe of God. And still, our hearts sincerely grieve for the loss and weep for the very real and very intense pain of those who knew and loved these three. As Job tore his robe, shaved his head, and fell on the ground in anguish, we deeply grieve. Please join me in praying for the Gullbergs, the Viettis, the Nolans, and all the family and friends who are missing these three beloved ones.

Romans 5:1-5 “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.”


2 Corinthians 4:7-18 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 11 For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 So death is at work in us, but life in you. 13 Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, 14 knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. 15 For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God. 16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

1 Peter 1:3-9 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ... 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

Lord, Help Me Fight!

I am in the midst of a battle. I can chose to fill my head and heart with God’s Word and the things He has taught me in the posts I have written below. Or, I can ignore His truth and believe lies---lies like:

“You are obsolete, irrelevant, hopeless….”

“Children are a blessing. You haven’t received this blessing because you are not good enough.”

“You gave up a fulfilling career to serve your family. This was the wrong decision, and it is confirmed by the fact that you still don’t have children. You are wasting your life.”

“Your family and friends will leave. They always do—this is especially true once everyone else starts having kids. They will move on with their busy lives. You will be forgotten.”

“You will never change. You face the same battles over and over and you never win. What is wrong with you?!”

“You are a mess. You don’t have what it takes to be loved, and you just don’t fit in. Why bother with people?”

“You are missing out.”

At the moment, these lies are truly tempting me. Rather than seeking to be filled with the TRUTH in the past couple days, I have given in to these lies. I use these lies to justify APATHY, INDULGENCE, and SELFISHNESS. They are distracting me from the beauty of Jesus and the unbelievable hope, peace, and fulfillment I have experienced with Him.

It is funny how Satan just recycles his old tricks.

In Genesis 3, he says to Eve, “You’re missing out! God doesn’t love you--He has withheld goodness from you. He is not for you—He is against you! You can’t trust His instructions.”

He says to David in 1 Chronicles 21, “You can’t trust God. You are competent and powerful—you can do this… in fact, you must do this. You have got to take matters into your own hands. We all know that success is all about the numbers.”

He says to Joshua in Zechariah 3, “You are beyond anyone’s hope…even God’s. God couldn’t love you—no one could. Just look yourself! Look at the things you have done! You are a failure. You’re a mess.”

He says to Jesus, “You don’t have to suffer! Why should you give yourself up for this disloyal and ungrateful people? Stick with the ones who make you feel good about yourself, because that’s what it is all about—feeling good.” (Matthew 16:23)… “Come on, indulge yourself—you deserve it and it will satisfy you!” Matthew 4:3)….”Flex your power—assert your rights! Show them who is boss.” (Matthew 4:5)…. “Righteousness is just not worth the cost….give it up and I’ll give you everything you ever dreamed of.” (Matthew 4:9)

To echo the words of Jesus, ““Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me” (!!!!)

I need to fight!

1 Timothy 6:12 “Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”

Philippians 4:8-9 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

1) First of all, it is not all about me, it is all about Him!

Romans 11:36 “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.”

2) God loves me and is for me.

Romans 8:31-39 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written, 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.' 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”


3) God’s love truly satisfies and I have all I need in Him! He is more than enough.

Isaiah 55


“Come, everyone who thirsts,
come to the waters;
and he who has no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without price.
2 Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,
and delight yourselves in rich food.

Psalm 63:1 O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
3 Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
4 So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
6 when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
7 for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

4) Out of His satisfying love, God calls me and empowers me to love Him and others. This is the most important thing for me to do.

Matthew 22:35-40 "And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 'Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?' And he said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.'”

5) One of the ways I love God is by loving others. He calls me to love others as He has loved me…sacrificially, sincerely, whole-heartedly, graciously, mercifully, compassionately, prayerfully, scandalously, and with pursuit.

John 15:12-13 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”

Philippians 2:1-11 “So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

1 Cor 13:4-7 “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

6) Relationship with the Living God is worth losing everything else.  The successes and pleasures of this world are nothing without Him.

Matthew 10:39 “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”


2 Cor 4:7-18 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies…16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

Dear Heavenly Father, Forgive me for ignoring you and your truth. Forgive me for sinking into despair and lies and for indulging my sinful desires. Thank you for fighting for my heart. Even as I sat in church yesterday, I could hear you speaking to me through a simple phrase—“At the foot of the cross we are on a level playing field”. We all come as sinners in need of your grace. Though I want to be successful and productive, not one of my actions can make you love me more or less. Forgive me for buying what the world wants to sell me—that success and happiness could be in anything but you. Forgive me for seeking my own glory. Glorious God, please don’t leave me to myself. I need you. I need your strength. I need you to give me the power to will and to do what you have asked of me. I need your love to fill me so that I might pour it out on others. Help me to love like you do—as a servant, sacrificially, sincerely, scandalously. I am embarrassed by the places my heart takes me—thank you that you take away my shame. Please let me hear your voice and know your presence again. May the truths articulated in the Scriptures above penetrate my heart and soul by your Spirit with you power. In Jesus Name, Amen

Psalm 84
My Soul Longs for the Courts of the Lord


1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord of hosts!
2 My soul longs, yes, faints
for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
to the living God.
3 Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house,
ever singing your praise! Selah
5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
in whose heart are the highways to Zion.
6 As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
the early rain also covers it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.
8 O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer;
give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah
9 Behold our shield, O God;
look on the face of your anointed!
10 For a day in your courts is better
than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
12 O Lord of hosts,
blessed is the one who trusts in you!

Encouraging Promises to Help Us Persevere in Any Situation

1) God loves you and will never forsake you.

Romans 8:31-39 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?

36 As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

2) God works ALL THINGS, even the ugliest things for your good. If you love Him, there is nothing that will come into your life that will not eventually benefit you (i.e. be a tool used to conform you to the glorious image of our Lord Jesus).

Romans 8:28-30 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

3) The suffering in this life has a purpose (see also above) and is completely in the sovereign hands of your good God, AND the suffering in this life is not worth comparing to what is in store for you.

Romans 8:18-25 “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”

4) God is enough for you and He is worth losing everything else!!!

Phil 4:19-20 “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. 20 To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.”

Ephesians 1:3 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.”

Matthew 10:39 “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

Psalm 84
84:1 How lovely is your dwelling place,O Lord of hosts!

2 My soul longs, yes, faintsfor the courts of the Lord;my heart and flesh sing for joyto the living God.

3 Even the sparrow finds a home,and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at your altars, O Lord of hosts,my King and my God.

4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house,ever singing your praise!

5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion .

6 As they go through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools.

7 They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion .

8 O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob!

9 Behold our shield, O God; look on the face of your anointed!

10 For a day in your courts is betterthan a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my Godthan dwell in the tents of wickedness.

11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.

12 O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!

5) He is the God for whom ALL things are possible. God asks us to forsake the fleshly desires of our heart, this world, and our enemy in order to gain HIM instead. This seems impossible sometimes, but Jesus tells us all things are possible with God! Don’t forget, God can do this!:

Matthew 19:16 -29 “And behold, a man came up to him, saying, “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?” 17 And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments.” 18 He said to him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not murder, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, 19 Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 20 The young man said to him, “All these I have kept. What do I still lack?” 21 Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” 22 When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.
23 And Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly, I say to you, only with difficulty will a rich person enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God .” 25 When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished, saying, “Who then can be saved?” 26 But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” 27 Then Peter said in reply, “See, we have left everything and followed you. What then will we have?” 28 Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel . 29 And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name's sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. 30 But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”

6) You have free access to the Father through Jesus. Your Father in heaven loves you and wants you to ask Him to meet all your needs, just like a child would ask a parent. He wants you to trust Him like a little child trusts her parent. Your Heavenly Father wants relationship with you and wants you to persist in trusting Him through prayer. Your Heavenly Father wants you to remember His promises to you (in His Word) and He wants you to remember His character—love, sovereignty, might, grace, tenderness, power, wisdom, justice, compassion, etc.

Luke 11:1-13 “Now Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he finished, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples.” 2 And he said to them, “When you pray, say:
“Father, hallowed be your name.Your kingdom come.3 Give us each day our daily bread, 4 and forgive us our sins,for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us.And lead us not into temptation.”
5 And he said to them, “Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves, 6 for a friend of mine has arrived on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; 7 and he will answer from within, ‘Do not bother me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed. I cannot get up and give you anything’? 8 I tell you, though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his impudence he will rise and give him whatever he needs. 9 And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 11 What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; 12 or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

7) Jesus is your perfect example of how to get through suffering and of how to love in the midst of it.

Hebrews 2:14-18 “Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, 15 and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. 16 For surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham. 17 Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. 18 For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”

Hebrews 4:14-16 “ Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

Philippians 2: 1-11 "So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

8) Even when it seems too much to bear and you don't even know how to pray, the Holy Spirit intercedes on your behalf.

Romans 8:26-27 "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."

9) Even as the world is spinning around you, you can keep going back to Him and His Word, and He will be your peace.

Psalm 139 "O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with thingstoo great and too marvelous for me.2 But I have calmed and quieted my soul,like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. 3 O Israel, hope in the Lordfrom this time forth and forevermore."

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Philippians 4:4-7 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Where have I been?

You might have noticed that I have not blogged in a long time. Where have I been? A little lost. Wandering. Walking through life without aim. Going through the motions. Starved for time with my Savior—not because I have not had the time, but because I have not made the time. I have been running away. Instead of opening my Bible, I have been turning on the television or filling up my days with all sorts of busyness. I have been avoiding relationships—particularly the ones that are the most meaningful.

Fortunately, I did have some good time with Jesus reading the book of Ephesians this morning. I hope to spend much of the rest of today reading, meditating, and praying as well.

I need Jesus. My life does not work without Him. He is my source of joy, purpose, hope, peace, comfort, passion, and love.

I would love your prayers that I would be unhindered in pursuing Him in repentance and restoration.

Here are some areas of life where I have been struggling:

Hypocrisy—The Lord shows me a truth from His Word, and I often blog about what He is teaching me, yet I so often find myself forgetting what He has taught me. I struggle to live out what He reveals to me as truth. I find myself walking in circles and I have trouble seeing victory in certain areas of my life. This has made me reluctant to blog.

Not Believing God’s Truth with my Heart and my Actions—So often, I believe God’s truth for other people, and not for myself. If a friend came to me with the struggles in which I have found myself lately, I would direct that friend to God’s Word. I would gently point out to my friend that what she is believing about herself, her circumstances and her God is not consistent with what is in God’s Word. At least part of this struggle in me lately is that I have not been filling my mind with God’s Word—that is, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, whatever is excellent and worthy of praise, and whatever I have learned, received, heard and seen in Scripture (Phil 4:8-9). Consequently, I am filling my mind up with what I see in the world. I am setting myself up for failure, and so it is no surprise that I am struggling to see victory.

Not wanting to do the hard work of relationship—My number one sin in relationships with others is self protection at the expense of putting the interests of others above me.

Philippians 2:1-11 “So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

I have been hurt a lot in relationships in the last two years. The hardest part is that all of these relationships have been with Christians. What has made that even more difficult is that God has been showing me an aspect of the gospel I never understood before, and that is how He works in community. He is a God of community—Father, Son, and Spirit. We were created for community with God and with others. God’s Spirit works in us in mighty ways through community, and we image God and the gospel in community. Community is part of the gospel—it is part of the redemption we receive from the Father, through Jesus by the Holy Spirit! This is all over Scripture. I never saw it like this before, in part because I am a product of the highly individualistic culture in which I live. Now that God is showing this aspect of the gospel to me, I hunger for it. (if you want to learn more about this, a good place to start is by asking God to show this to you and then prayerfully reading the book of Ephesians).

Yet because of the hurtful situations in which I have been in the last couple years with Christian brothers and sisters, I have a hard time imagining that Christian fellowship in my life could actually look like Christian fellowship in the Scriptures. I find it much easier to love than to be loved. Yet, I know the mutuality of relationship is something that God wants for me too—so that I can know and image Him, and so that I can walk in the light and experience grace administered to me from Him through my brothers and sisters in Christ. Yet, I struggle with trusting that people actually care about me and that they want anything more than to use me and throw me away when relationship becomes inconvenient. Maybe on some level it causes me to struggle with trusting that God actually cares about me. I know that is sick and wrong, since my God paid an unfathomable price to bring me into relationship with Him.

I also do not want to make an idol out of relationships. I don’t want to look for something in relationships that I ought to be getting only from God. While relationships are important and a natural and necessary outflow of loving God, they are secondary to loving God. Matthew 22:34-40 “But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. 35 And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 ‘Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?’ 37 And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Learning How Not to Sin in Response to Being Sinned Against—Maybe the section before this one helps to shed light on this one. I want to follow Jesus’ example of sincere love, grace, patience, and commitment to the truth in the way I respond to being sinned against. I do not want to quench the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 4:25-32 & 5:1-21 “25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. 5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of isobedience. 7 Therefore do not become partners with them; 8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10 and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that becomes visible is light.

Therefore it says,
“Awake, O sleeper,and arise from the dead,and Christ will shine on you.”

15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Heavenly Father, Thank you for the opportunity to come before your throne of grace because of Jesus. Thank you for not letting me live in the place of avoiding you, but in your grace, you ALWAYS bring me back. You are my Good Shepherd. Thank you for your love that I do not deserve. Thank you for your patience with me, as I am a dumb sheep who struggles to learn the lessons you teach me over and over again. Thank you that somewhere inside of me, I KNOW that the gospel works. I have seen it work many times. I believe, help my unbelief. Give me faith in you. Give me faith in your Word. Let me live in faith, and not by my emotions, circumstances, and what I see around me. God I confess all of these sins I have named above to you. I want nothing to do with them. Fill me with your Spirit, that I may turn away from them and live in your truth instead. Empty me of the lies I have filled myself up with lately, and fill me again with your truth. Grant me perseverance and endurance. Grant me the ability to love others as you would have me love them. Do not let relationships be an idol for me. Forgive me for the ways they have been. Help me to experience community as you would have it. Keep me close to you. I want to experience you every moment of my life. I pray for those in my life with whom I have strained relationships. Show me how to love them. Protect me against any anger, bitterness, or malice. Convict me and open my eyes to show me any ways that I might be sinning against them—whether that would be in the original circumstances from which the conflict arose, or whether that would be in response to their sin. Give me supernatural love for them—the kind that comes from your Spirit. Show me tangible ways of loving them and blessing them. Do not let the enemy deceive me or have any room in my life or theirs. Open our eyes to your truth. Give us soft and humble hearts. Protect us from the influence of our enemy. Be glorified in our lives. Redeem these situations, I pray. I love you. I worship you. You are worthy of losing everything else and you are worth every heartache this world may bring. You are my treasure. Help me to always remember that and to always live like that. In Jesus Name, Amen