Learning

(thank you google images)

It has been so long since I last posted and even longer since I last wrote something for my blog. I miss blogging.  I miss the structure of having a space where I can process what God is teaching me, bringing me through, and bringing me to.  My mind and my heart have been on overdrive in this season of life.  My energy has been focused on putting one foot in front of the other. So, this is my attempt to ease back into blogging.  J

A Few Things That God is Teaching Me in this Season: 

1)      My identity and self-worth is grossly misplaced.  (See details below)

2)      As Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, "When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die." -Cost of Discipleship.  The Bible says, “And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:38-39 ESV)

3)      A fruitful or “successful” or “productive” life is a life lived in love—living out of God’s love for us by loving God, loving His Church, and loving all people. I can be a gifted speaker, a prophet, a brilliant and wise person, I can give up all that I have and do all sorts of daring, innovative and incredible things, but if I don’t love, everything I do is pointless! (1 Cor 13).

4)      Biblical love is not intuitive and does not look like what I see in the world.  Biblical love is selfless, sacrificial, risk-taking, protective, active, sincere, affectionate, bold, gracious, prayerful, and scandalous.   Biblical love is Jesus dying on the cross in the place of sinners.  Biblical love is Jesus, the King of Kings, washing the feet of his humble disciples, including the one He knew would betray Him to His torture and death!  Biblical love is Jesus standing between the woman caught in adultery and the self-righteous powerful Pharisees who would stone her.  Biblical love is Jesus weeping with His grieving friends, even though He knew that Lazarus would rise from the dead. Biblical love is given by the Holy Spirit who fills us with this love as we seek the face of God.

5)      Loving people by the Holy Spirit in the way that Jesus modeled, IS carrying our cross and does require at great sacrifice.  As we lay down our life in big and small ways and as we wash the feet of those around us, we step into the life God has for us—fruitful, joyful, kingdom life that is dependent on the God who is our Tender Loving Father and that is empowered by the same God who is Sovereign Almighty Ruler of All!

Today, I will focus on the first thing on the list I made above: identity.

My identity is as a child of Almighty God and a co-heir with Christ.  As someone who has grown up in the church and who has been a Christian for at least 26 years, this news is no surprise in theory.  What has been surprising to me is how much I place my identity and self-worth in things that are not Him.  I did not see the subtle and deep ways in which this has been true in my life.  My identity and self-worth have been intertwined with factors such as relational success, career, ambition, and appearance.  In the last five years, many of these crutches have been taken away in my life and have been exposed for what they are—crutches and lifeless idols. 

Relational success: I have always considered relating to people to be one of my strong points in family, in church, and in my career.  This season has been marked by trying relationships.  I have been overbearing and too quick to speak and too slow to listen.  I have struggled with bitterness and resentment.  I have been overcome with grief.  And I have succumbed to despair, apathy, and isolation. From others, I have personally experienced abandonment, betrayal, and false accusations.  I have also witnessed selfish ambition break fellowship in the family of God and lead to confusion, depression and challenges of faith in so many sheep in the flock of God.  I have been led by God to speak up and act in situations that have been uncomfortable and that have had great personal cost, including lost or strained friendships, lost income, and lost reputation (being liked/respected/associated with). The ugliness of sin in me and among God’s people has been disillusioning, even though it should come as no surprise in the sense that we are all fallen creatures in the process of being redeemed to what we were made to be as image bearers of Christ.

Career: In order to pursue becoming a mother, I resigned from a job I loved as an attorney in an exciting and fulfilling social justice field.  After years of trying, motherhood never came for me.  I am not sure if it ever will.  At the same time, it does not seem that the Lord is leading me to pursue re-entry into the legal field for now. This season of limbo makes me feel aimless and restless.

Ambition: This has a lot to do with the relational success and career for me, but in broader terms, I would say that the way that ambition has become an identity crutch for me is that I have always had a clear next step in life—whether that was college, law school, becoming an attorney, building my career, becoming a wife, being involved in various ministries, etc.  Now, my next steps are not so clear. My planned next step has been motherhood, and so far that has not come to fruition (and the clock ticks away). In the past, I was always “doing something”—being in school, being a part of a social justice movement, volunteering, being active in ministry, etc.  Because of the season that God has me in where I am doing a lot of reflecting and healing, I have scaled back on a lot of these activities from which I was deriving identity and worth.  Because of the brokenness I have been experiencing, many dreams/life goals have been put on hold.

Appearance:  This one may be the most embarrassing one for me to admit because of how shallow it is.  I am at my all-time highest weight. I feel ugly.  Nothing fits the way it is supposed to and I am not as energetic as I used to be.  Like so many women, I have struggled all of my life with attaching my identity and worth to how attractive I feel.  I find myself engaging in negative self-talk, focusing on how ugly and worthless I feel about my appearance.  These words are words I would never think about another person and would never say to another person who is struggling with their weight.  I get caught up in the cycle of striving, performance, failure, and despair when it comes to trying to lose weight. I have so much mental and emotional energy expended in this area of my life, and it distracts me from the things I want my life to be about.  When I die, I don’t want to be remembered as a “skinny person” or a “cute person”.  I want to be remembered as a daughter of God who treasured Christ and accordingly lived a life marked by joyful obedience, loving others as one who has been loved extravagantly by her Savior.  Sure, this vision ought to have implications on my relationship to food and activity, but food, activity and weight are not the point in themselves.

There are other ways (some known to me and others not yet known) in which I derive my identity and worth in sources that are not God. But these are some primary ways that God is exposing for me to see in this season of my life. While these things are not necessarily bad things in themselves (i.e. it is good to have harmony in our relationships, it is good to have plans and work toward goals, etc.) they become dysfunctional when they begin to define us in the place of Christ.   As these empty crutches are exposed and uprooted in my life, I find myself longing to say with Paul, “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” (Philippians 3:7-11 ESV)

My identity and worth is as an image bearer of God (Genesis 1:26-27).

My identity and worth is as one who is loved by Almighty God. (Isaiah 49:15-16; Zeph 3:17; John 3:16; 1 John 3)

My identity and worth is as one who is chosen, made clean, being sanctified, adopted, blessed, redeemed, forgiven, given a purpose and a future and a hope and an inheritance. (See Ephesians 1: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.” (Ephesians 1:3-14 ESV)

Where is your identity?  What makes you feel worthy or unworthy?  What makes you feel content or discontented? Whose approval or affection or association or behavior or misbehavior makes or breaks you? What are you saying in your self- talk?  What insecurities occupy your thoughts and how does that measure up with what God says about you?  What thoughts and activities occupy your days?  What drives you? What do you want to be known for?

Yes, You are a Legalist...But God is Good!

I was recently blessed to have some sweet conversations this week--one with a friend who has weathered her share of trials and heartache in the last few years and has gained great wisdom and faith because of it. The other conversation was with my husband as he was talking about a topic that the Lord has placed on his heart and has given him a passion to preach on soon. Interestingly, both of these two separate conversations were about the same thing—the fact that any act of “obedience” done apart from love for God and love for people is hollow and meaningless legalism.

I wonder what your reaction to that statement is--- any act of “obedience” done apart from love for God and love for people is hollow and meaningless legalism. Perhaps you wholeheartedly agree with this statement and can even quote the Scriptures that teach it. For me, it is easier to understand this concept with my head than it is to live it with my heart, as legalism creeps into my heart in such subtle ways. Submission to my husband has been one way that this has shown itself in my life—often early on in our marriage (and sometimes still), my “submission” to my husband was more of a resentful resignation and the performance of a duty rather than act that flowed out of love for God or my husband. I knew I was supposed to submit to my husband—so I tried to do what he asked and I tried to hold my tongue. This was such an unfruitful exercise—it inhibited the oneness and unity between us and it caused resentment and bitterness to grow in me. Neither of these things honored or blessed my God or my husband (or me, for that matter). Yet somewhere in my head, I thought it was better to walk through the motions than to not do anything. But Scripture tells me, nothing I do apart from love counts for anything:

Galatians 5:6 “For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision (THINK: any act of outward obedience) counts for anything, but only faith working through love.”


1 Cor 13:1-3 “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”


Matthew 22:34-40 “But when the Pharisees heard that he (Jesus) had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. 35 And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 36 ‘Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?’ 37 And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.’”


John 15:12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.


Romans 13:8-10 “Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. 9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.”

Something God has taught me and continues to teach me in practice daily is that when I don’t feel like loving God or loving people, I should pray! When I don’t feel like submitting to my husband, it is more fruitful to pray for love for him and for God. After all, my submission to Kristian is an expression of love for God and for him. Ephesians 5:22 tells me “Wives submit to your husbands, as to the Lord”. Just the verse before talks about “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ”. Colossians 3:8 says “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” 1 Peter 3 talks about how submission to our husbands reflect our hope in God. The mere act of submission has no value apart from loving God and loving our husbands.

Now, this does not mean that if I am not “feeling love” for God or for my husband that I should not submit. This is where our legalist and self-serving hearts tend to go. What it does mean is that I ought to still act and pray with faith in the God who places love in our hearts!! I cannot muster up this kind of love in myself, and I know I am called to have sincere love--not "love" as the world defines it, but love that is sacrificial and returns blessing for reviling.  Fortunately, God has never failed to answer my prayers to create love in my heart. Sometimes I must pray and pray and pray—but He always does this miracle. Sometimes I must open my Bible and read of God’s character of scandalous love. Sometimes, I must go to a trusted friend who can pray with me and counsel me from the Word. Sometimes I must just tell Kristian that I am struggling to submit and ask for his help. Sometimes I must ask for his forgiveness--for being bitter or resentful.  But as I seek to be filled with God’s love, God is always faithful to fill me with His love (the love that loved me while I was dead in my trespasses!!!). He enables that very scandalous love to flow through me to others who, like me, do not deserve God’s love. As God has been slowly growing me in the area of submitting to my husband out of love, our marriage has been so blessed—we have grown in oneness, we have both been edified, and I believe that God has been glorified.

I used submission as just one example of an act of “obedience” that is meaningless without love. There are so many things though that we can “walk through the motions” on without love for God or others. When many of us think of legalism, we think of “religious people” and we do not consider ourselves one of “them”. We think of legalists as people who arbitrarily make rules against things like tattoos or drinking or watching television or movies. Or we think of people who do not interact with non-Christians, who listen to cheesy music, and who wear ugly clothes for the sake of  “holiness”. But the truth is that we all have our propensities toward legalism. Any act of “obedience” done apart from love for God and love for people is hollow and meaningless legalism. We can steward our money. We can steward our health. We can steward our time. We can give to the poor. We can attend church or Bible study. We can lead. We can submit. We can care for our loved ones. We can pray. We can read our Bible. We can listen to a friend in need. We can speak the truth. We can volunteer in the community. We can serve in church. We can preach the gospel. We can be faithful to our spouse. We can lead people to Christ. We can do many good and even necessary things—but these things lose their meaning without love.

If you are wondering about the ways in which you might be living in hollow and meaningless legalism, pray about it…ask your trusted loved ones who know you and know God and His Word. Ask yourself where there might be bitterness and resentment in your life and examine your action and inaction in these areas of your life—where is love for God and others in all of this? Ask yourself where your heart is plagued with condemnation (which does not come from the Lord).

Another big clue is to ask yourself, in what areas of my life are my “acts of obedience” joyless?

As you are reflecting on your own life, remember that God is gracious! He remembers that we are dust. He has promised to transform us and conform us to the image of His Son. He is the God who forgives and redeems, and in Him there is every hope!!

Lord, teach us to love you and to love others!! Show us how we are not doing this. Open our eyes where we are blind and show us grace! Forgive us for how quick we are to judge others for legalism or for failed obedience, and open our eyes to soberly assess ourselves. Teach us to remove the plank from our eyes. Help us not to live a life of dead works. Nothing we can do can bring us to you. You have done what needed to be done—you gave your life for ours. You give us faith, you keep us and transform us. Help us not to settle for hollow acts of joyless obedience. Father, you want so much more for us and for those you have placed in our lives! Give us the joy of serving you and others out of your pure and delightful love!! Help us to meditate on your love. Teach us of your love through your word and through interaction with your people! May your love be so real to us that it naturally flows from us to you and to others. In Jesus name, Amen

The Usual Suspects

“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist” is a famous line from the 1995 film, “The Usual Suspects”. While I am not sure this was the Devil’s greatest trick, I agree that it is a big one. In John 8, Jesus calls Satan the “father of lies”. I was just thinking about this. Below are just some examples of Satan’s LIES:



1) God does not exist.

2) It doesn’t matter whether God exists.

3) God is not good.

4) God does not care about the day to day concerns of your life—He is too busy and important for that.

5) God only cares about the day to day of your life and is waiting on standby like a genie in a bottle until you need Him next.

6) You don’t need God.

7) You really only need God for the big things.

8) Whether or not you get to heaven depends on whether you are a good person.

9) If you don’t kill or rape or commit any “big sins” then you are a good person.

10) You are a good person.

11) You are too bad for God to ever want you or to ever be able to save you.

12) Going to heaven is about avoiding hell.

13) You will have time to settle things with God later.

14) The primary objective of life is to fall in love, reproduce, amass wealth (at least enough to be comfortable), build a home, do something by which to be remembered, seek pleasure in any form and avoid pain.

15) God needs you.

16) God needs.

17) The Bible is for academics.

18) God is whoever you want him to be.

19) The Gospel is for unbelievers, not mature Christians.

20) Christians do not sin.

21) Fruit is about numbers and fame.

22) The Christian life is just about you and Jesus.

23) The Christian life is just about you and your Christian friends.

24) You are only called to love the people you like.

25) God is not in control and He is surprised by the direction of the world today.

26) God is scratching his head trying to figure out how to “fix” things now.

27) God doesn’t care about your un-reconciled relationships with other Christians.

28) When it comes to serving God, the ends justify the means.

29) You can’t forgive.

30) You can’t persevere with that person in genuine love.

31) 1 Cor 13 love is just a pretty poem that has nothing to do with the Gospel and how we live out the Gospel.

32) You will never be able to do what God is calling you to do.

33) Sometimes you have to use people to accomplish a greater good.

34) Some people don’t matter as much.

35) You are alone.

36) God doesn’t care about you.

37) God has left you.

38) Reality is only what you see.

39) The bad now is not worth the good later.

40) There is something more important for me to do today than to get to know who God (which primarily comes from His Word), to thank Him, to ask Him for direction, to ask Him for strength to do as He calls, and to love others by interceding for them in prayer.

I might elaborate on some of these (from Scripture) in an upcoming blogpost. If you would like to see me elaborate on any particular ones, please write me a comment and let me know. If you have any comments or questions on the ones I have posted above, I’d love to hear them. Also, if you have some other good examples of Satan’s lies, feel free to post them in the comments section.

We are lied to on a daily basis. Scripture calls Satan an accuser, a liar, and a deceiver. Oh, that we would be watchful for this! Oh, that we know the Word, meditate on the Word, seek to understand the Word, pray through the Word, believe the Word, so that we can recognize Satan’s lies against God’s truth which is found in the Word! Oh, that we would discipline ourselves to silence Satan’s lies. How different would my life be!! I would certainly have more joy, more strength, more hope, and more peace!!

1 Peter 5:6-11 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”


Ephesians 6:10-20 “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.”

My Need

People are herded into rows of confined seats, one after another. The air, if you could call it that, is stale, stuffy, and suffocating. Jolting, jerking, and jarring motions accompany our escalating speed. One of my sweaty palms fiercely grips the arm rest of my seat, and my other hand tightly grips my husband’s hand as my nails pierce his skin. Our intensifying speed abruptly divorces us from the ground. We soar further and further away...away from firmness, stability, and familiarity of the ground. My heart races, so fast that I wonder whether it will explode out of my chest. My breathing is no longer natural and effortless. I anxiously wait for the chime that will release the attendants and signify at least that all is proceeding according to plan. I anticipate with dread the side to side, the lift, and drop that disturbs the steadiness of the ride. I long for the time when my feet meet again the solidity of the earth beneath them.


I am terrified of flying.

I know it is illogical. I know that more people crash in automobiles than in airplanes, and yet I drive my car daily in complete peace. At one point in my life, I used to travel by airplane every 4 months. The airplanes in which I traveled never crashed. Yet, every time I fly, the anxiety within me has gotten worse.

I hate it.

However, there is one thing for which I am particularly grateful with regard to my fear of flying, and that is that it reminds me in a very tangible way of my need for a Savior.

It is easy to walk through life with the illusion that we are independent and self-sufficient. I feel perfectly confident in breathing in and out every second, rising in the morning, driving to work, doing my job, driving back home, preparing dinner, reading a little or talking with a friend, and starting that cycle all over again the next day. It is easy to forget that my every breath is sheer grace from my Creator who gave me breath and sustains it moment by moment. It is easy to forget that my life is a vapor and could be over in a flash. It is easy to forget that it is God’s empowering grace that enables me to get up in the morning, drive to work unharmed, do my job, interact with others, and study. When I am in an airplane, I feel like I will simply not be able to endure sitting there while my heart pounds, my mind spins, and my palms sweat. I find myself constantly praying, “God, I need you. Please help me.” Yet this same prayer is true and needed while my feet are safely on the ground.

My need for Jesus includes my need for His Body. I need brothers and sisters in Christ who will point me to Christ, who will pray for me, who will encourage me, and to whom I can confess and from whom I can receive counsel and help. Because Christ has set me free and because He is all, I can humbly walk in the light... I can be honest about my frailty, weakness, struggles, and sin. I can receive help, and He can receive glory. I was so blessed to have dear friends pray for me, encourage me, and help me before and during my flight. (My sweet family even wrote me the nicest cards to read on the plane.)

Another way that flying reminds me of my need for a Savior is because I know that my obvious fear reflects a sinful lack of trust in God. My head knows that God is good. My head knows that God will equip me for whatever situation He brings into my life. My head knows that any discomfort and even death is worth it so long as I can be with my Savior. I know this because God has proven His character to me over and over again. And yet in the air, my emotions betray my knowledge. My lack of faith is so blatantly obvious while I am flying, and for some reason it is less obvious to me while I am on the ground. In the air, my lack of faith and my frailty is exposed. I am betraying my Savior and friend by not trusting Him--the One who has demonstrated His steadfast love and trustworthiness to me over and over again like no other in my life has. My reaction to flying reminds me of the obvious truth that I am a sinner in need of a Savior. I simply do not live by the faith that I ought.

Flying reminds me that I never stop needing Jesus. Becoming a Christian does not change the fact that I need Him for every moment of every day. I cannot do anything, good or bad, apart from His Sovereign permission. I cannot do anything good without His empowering grace. I cannot stand in His Pure and Righteous presence given my past, present, and future sins, apart from the work of the cross—where Jesus paid for each of those sins and washed me clean, so that I can enjoy fellowship with our Pristine God. And until the day when Christ’s sanctifying work in me is complete, I need His constant healing, forgiveness, and help. And when His sanctifying work in me is complete, I will need Him then too because He will be my sun, the source of my delight. I love how this song reflects our reality until that day:

“The River”

By Brian Doerksen

To the river I am going
Bringing sins I cannot bear
Come and cleanse me, come forgive me
Lord I need to meet you there

In these waters, healing mercy
Flows with freedom from despair
I am going, to that river
Lord I need to meet you there

Precious Jesus, I am ready
To surrender every care
Take my hand now, lead me closer
Lord I need to meet you there

Come and join us, in the river
Come find life beyond compare
He is calling, He is waiting
Jesus longs to meet you there.

I am so grateful that my God remembers that I am dust.  I am so grateful that He is the most loving Father I can imagine, and He shows compassion and affection to me daily.  I am so grateful that He wants me to come to Him with all my cares and needs.  And He does meet me!

Psalm 103

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!


2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
5 who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.


6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his acts to the people of Israel.

8 The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
9 He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
10 He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.


11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

13 As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
14 For he knows our frame;
he remembers that we are dust.


15 As for man, his days are like grass;
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its place knows it no more.

17 But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children's children,
18 to those who keep his covenant
and remember to do his commandments.

19 The LORD has established his throne in the heavens,
and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Bless the LORD, O you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his word,
obeying the voice of his word!

21 Bless the LORD, all his hosts,
his ministers, who do his will!

22 Bless the LORD, all his works,
in all places of his dominion.

Bless the LORD, O my soul!

Today

There is so much in this life that we cannot see. We cannot see how the past affects the future. While we have experienced in some measure the comfort, joy, and fulfillment of God’s promises in Christ, we haven’t experienced the completeness of this fulfillment—and we await this eagerly. One day, He will wipe away every tear. One day, we will be free of the sin that entangles us. One day, this light and momentary affliction will not be fit to be remembered in light of the weight of glory we will experience. One day, the lion will lay down with the lamb. One day, war and strivings will cease. One day, friends and enemies will be reconciled. One day, we will see the full of effects of glory to God in the Highest and peace among men upon whom His favor rest. One day, we will be with Him with no barriers whatsoever and He will satisfy us so much that we will never doubt or fear again. Today, we have the promises. Today, we remember from what He has delivered us. Today, we remember what we can understand of His faithfulness. Today, we take Him at His Word, because He has demonstrated that we can trust Him. Today, we worship Him because we have caught a glimpse of His beauty and majesty and even that glimpse has been marvelous beyond anything we have ever seen. Today, we discipline our feeble hearts and minds to go back to His Word and remember just Who He is! Today, we remind ourselves that what we see today with our eye, is not all there is. Even as we live between the here and then, we seek to see Him with the eyes of our heart today, because the Majestic One is with us here, today.

Isaiah 26:3-4


“You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.
4 Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.”

I love this from Matthew Henry’s commentary on Psalm 56:

II. He encourages himself in God, and in his promises, power, and providence, v. 3, 4. In the midst of his complaints, and before he has said what he has to say of his enemies, he triumphs in the divine protection. 1. He resolves to make God his confidence, then when dangers were most threatening and all other confidences failed: "What time I am afraid, in the day of my fear, when I am most terrified from without and most timorous within, then I will trust in thee, and thereby my fears shall be silenced." Note, There are some times which are, in a special manner, times of fear with God's people; in these times it is their duty and interest to trust in God as their God, and to know whom they have trusted. This will fix the heart and keep it in peace. 2. He resolves to make God's promises the matter of his praises, and so we have reason to make them (v. 4): "In God I will praise, not only his work which he has done, but his word which he has spoken; I will give him thanks for a promise, though not yet performed. In God (in his strength and by his assistance) I will both glory in his word and give him the glory of it." Some understand by his word his providences, every event that he orders and appoints: "When I speak well of God I will with him speak well of every thing that he does." 3. Thus supported, he will bid defiance to all adverse powers: "When in God I have put my trust, I am safe, I am easy, and I will not fear what flesh can do unto me; it is but flesh, and cannot do much; nay, it can do nothing but by divine permission." As we must not trust to an arm of flesh when it is engaged for us, so we must not be afraid of an arm of flesh when it is stretched out against us.

Psalm 56


Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me;
all day long an attacker oppresses me;
2 my enemies trample on me all day long,
for many attack me proudly.


3 When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.


4 In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?


5 All day long they injure my cause;
all their thoughts are against me for evil.


6 They stir up strife, they lurk;
they watch my steps,
as they have waited for my life.


7 For their crime will they escape?
In wrath cast down the peoples, O God!


8 You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?


9 Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.


This I know, that God is for me.
10 In God, whose word I praise,
in the LORD, whose word I praise,


11 in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
12 I must perform my vows to you, O God;
I will render thank offerings to you.


13 For you have delivered my soul from death,
yes, my feet from falling,
that I may walk before God
in the light of life.

Update

I mentioned in one of my recent blogs that my cousin has put me on a food and exercise plan to lose weight. This was week one. I eat 5 small meals each day and I exercise for at least a ½ hour 5 days per week. I e-mail a summary of what I ate and how I exercised to my cousin each day for accountability, advice, and prayer. My cousin and my husband have been a great help in being so supportive and encouraging to me. So far, it is going much better than I had thought. In fact, through this process, this passage from the Message translation of Matthew 11:27-29 has come to mind a lot:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

This section from the Message is one of the things God used in my husband Kristian to make him a Christian. Kristian always told me how much the "unforced rhythms of grace" spoke to him. I never really understood what this meant. I am starting to see the connection between this concept and sanctification. Yes, Jesus does give us a yoke. Yes, there are disciplines of grace (of grace!) to which He calls us. Yes, being with Jesus requires obedience. These things are not legalisms or white-knuckling. Jesus calls us to joyful submission. Jesus calls us to walk with Him in relationship and to work with Him along side of Him. He calls us to see how He does it. He doesn't beat us over the head. He doesn't leave us alone to figure out. He is patient with us. I just love what I see about God's patient and forebearing character in Psalm 103:

Psalm 103
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits- 3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion, 5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.

9 He will not always accuse, will he harbor his anger forever; 10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us. 13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; 14 for he knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; 16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. 17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children- 18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.

19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word. 21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.

22 Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, O my soul.

I am experiencing the refreshing of the "unforced rhythms of grace" from Jesus' yoke in this training plan. There is no condemnation in this! God is so good to give me empowering grace and even joy in this journey that I have been dreading. He is teaching me so much about His goodness and His will for my life.

He is even using this struggle to teach me about other areas of my life in which I need to grow. One of the areas is prayer. I realize that there is a disconnect with my heart, theology, and belief (faith) when it comes to praying for help from God in many areas of my life. I have a feeling that prayer will be the subject of an upcoming blog. In the meantime, I would love your prayers about this for me. Praying for all of you too!

Hebrews 4:15-16 "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

More on "This Momentary Marriage" coming soon!

Dead Weight

“Nearly half of the people responding to an online survey about obesity said they would give up a year of their life rather than be fat, according to a study by the Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity at Yale. The 4,000 respondents in varying numbers between 15% and 30% also said they would rather walk away from their marriage, give up the possibility of having children, be depressed, or become alcoholic rather than be obese. Five percent and four percent, respectively, said they would rather lose a limb or be blind than be overweight.”—Yale University Office of Public Affairs article found here: http://opa.yale.edu/news/article.aspx?id=1787

Is it just me, or is that is crazy?!

All of us know what the world thinks of being overweight. My problem has always been drowning out the voices of the world in favor of hearing and heeding God’s voice on this issue in my life. I know it is not a sin to be overweight. However, in my case, being overweight is symptomatic of sins in my life. In the course of my life, I have indulged in the pleasure of food without regard to the effects of this indulgence on my body. I have been an idolater by seeking comfort or fulfillment apart from God. I have been a coveter and regularly thought “if only I was as thin or as pretty or as disciplined as she is!” I have been lazy and have avoided exercise. I have been selfish in my indulgence and laziness—not caring that my body belongs to my God for worship and to my husband to enjoy, not caring that being overweight effects my energy and physical strength to serve God and others. I have been a bad steward of my health, which is a gift God has given me. I have been greedy with eating poorly, with not making time to exercise, and with buying things to make me feel better about being overweight. I have been deceptive in trying to hide my humiliating sin.

Rather than listening to God’s truth, I have listened to Satan lies—“You’re not an athlete, you can’t do that,” “You can’t change, that’s just the way you are,” “You are disgusting and worthless,” “Your husband will never really love you until you lose weight,” “You’re not that overweight,” “There are worse sins” I know these are lies because Philippians 4:13 tells me “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” As the Lord told said to Abraham in regard to blessing him with a child in old age, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” I know that God does not tell me that I am disgusting or worthless. Rather than turning away from me in disgust, while I was yet a sinner, Christ died for me! Romans 5:8 says “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” I know that my husband loves me because Christ first loved Him. I John 4:19 “We love because he first loved us.” I know that I underestimate my sinfulness and that my heart is deceitful and my sin is deceitful. Jeremiah 17:9 says,“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” and Hebrews 3:13 says “But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called 'today', that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” I know that sin is sin—there are no gradations. As a sinner, I have fallen short of the glory of God according to Romans 3:23. The wages of sin is death. The wages of my sin is death, and Jesus paid that costly price for me. I am grateful to serve a God who redeems, who does not leave me on my own, who changes me, who loves me, and who speaks truth to me in His Word.

God has been growing me in conviction and repentance in this area of my life for the past couple years. My walk through this repentance has been slow, but God has been patiently and gradually changing my heart to bring it more inline with His. I know that in order to get my body to a healthy state, I will need to take restorative measures in the areas of diet and exercise. My cousin, who is gifted in the area of fitness and shepherding, has graciously agreed to help me with a training plan. I want to be pure in my motives for this.

Here are some ungodly motives I must take to the Lord and fight by the Spirit to resist:

1) Buying the lie of the world that being thin is a virtue or would make me more valuable. (This contrasts with Proverbs 31:31 “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised,” and 1 Peter 3:3-6 “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”)

2) Wanting the admiration of the world for my own glory and pride (In contrast to: Proverbs 25:27 “It is not good to eat much honey, nor is it glorious to seek one's own glory,” Isaiah 42: 8 “I am the Lord; that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols,” Romans 11:36 “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.”)

3) Idolatry—because losing weight or being attractive has somehow become an end in itself and not a means to glorify God (in contrast to Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before me.”)

4) Works-based theology—thinking I can merit God’s favor by improving in this area of life or thinking that God can love me more or less depending on my success or failure in this area. Romans 3:21-26 “But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it— 22 the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, 25 whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. 26 It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.” Romans 5: 15 “But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man's trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many.” Romans 8:1-4 "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” Romans 11:6 “But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.” Galatians 3: 3:1 O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. 2 Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? 3 Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? 4 Did you suffer so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain? 5 Does he who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you do so by works of the law, or by hearing with faith— 6 just as Abraham 'believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness'? 7 Know then that it is those of faith who are the sons of Abraham.”

5) Worldly Sorrow—because I am sad for worldly reasons (i.e. because I do not feel pretty or admired, because I want to fit in, etc.), not for godly reasons like the fact that I am not loving God and not loving people in this area of my life. 2 Cor 7: “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.”

Here are some motives that I desire to have:

1) Loving God and loving people—Luke 10:27 “And he answered, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.’” Proverbs 23:20-21 “Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat,21 for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags.” Romans 12:1 “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."

2) Living in freedom instead of bondage to sin—Galatians 5:1 “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:13 “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything. 13 ‘Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food’—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14 And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! 16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” Romans 6: 5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6 We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. 7 For one who has died has been set free from sin. 8 Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9 We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. 10 For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. 11 So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. 13 Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. 14 For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

3) Not allowing weight issues to distract me from savoring God and blessing people--Hebrews 12:1 ”Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”

4) Helping and loving my husband by making myself attractive for him and by keeping myself strong and healthy to be his helpmate in life. Genesis 2:18 "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” Proverbs 31:10-13 “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.” Proverbs 31:17 “She dresses herself with strengthand makes her arms strong.” Song of Solomon 4:9-12 “You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. 10 How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine,and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! 11 Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue; the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. 12 A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed.” Song of Solomon 7:10 “I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me.” Proverbs 5:18-19 “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, 19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” 1 Cor 7:4 "For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does."

5) Imaging God and the Gospel and reflecting order and beauty because God is a God of order and beauty. Revelations 21:1 “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Psalm 96:6 “Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and beauty are in his sanctuary.” 1 Corinthians 6:19 “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

6) Exercising faith in God and His ability to change and redeem me. Matthew 21:22 “And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” Galatians 5:6 For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love.” Ephesians 6:16 “In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one” James 1: 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

More resources on this topic:

My friend, Crystal, gave a very helpful talk on the issue of gluttony and body image and it can be downloaded here: http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/christian-womanhood-/gluttony

Books that I have found to be helpful on this topic:

The Bible

"Thin Within" by Judy and Arthur Halliday

"Love to Eat, Hate to Eat: Breaking the Bondage of Destructive Eating Habits" by Elyse Fitzpatrick.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for not leaving me as I am. Thank you that I am yours and that you have already forgiven and paid for all of my sin. Thank you that I cannot make you love me more or less because you already love me infinitely and unconditionally. Thank you that you are all powerful and nothing is too hard for you. I confess I have so many bad and worldly motives in my heart when it comes to weight loss. Please forgive me and change my heart. Replace the worldly motives with biblical ones. Fill my heart with love so that I would always be motivated by love for you and others in this. I confess that this is an area of my life in which I struggle with doubt and despair. Please fill me with faith and hope instead. Thank you so much for my cousin who loves you and who is lovingly exercising the gifts you have given in order to help me. I pray that you would bless him for it! Please help me be faithful to you in all things. Fill me with your Spirit. Holy Spirit, please enable me. You are my only hope. I am so dependent on you!! Holy Lord, may you get all the glory in my life and in this journey you have placed me on. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Power

Other than my husband, Kristian, John Piper is probably the theologian/pastor who has had the biggest influence in my faith and theology in the last couple of years. I am pretty sure that John Piper has been the most influencial theologian/pastor in my husband’s life in the last couple of years as well. Here’s a great Piper quote from a sermon I listened to today:

“My authority is nothing, except in so far as it accords with The Book (the Bible), and that’s why you must measure it that way. I want us to be a church-- in the pulpit, in our songs, in our prayers, in our small groups, in our meetings, in our conferences-- that are not only in a vague way based upon the Bible—which everybody says they are—but explicitly visually, verbally, manifestly saturated with the Bible because there is the authority, the power, the life. Human words accomplish nothing if they are not clearly echoing God’s Truth. He has the power, we don’t.”

Amen!

My words in this blog are nothing apart from God's Word. God’s Word is everything. It has the power to change lives by revealing the glory of God to the hearts of men!

2 Corinthians 4:1-6 "Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart. 2 But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God's word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God. 3 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing. 4 In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5 For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. 6 For God, who said, '“Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ."

What to Wear to the Fight

Ephesians 6:10-20 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19 and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak

Observations:

1) Be strong IN THE LORD AND IN THE STRENGTH OF HIS MIGHT. This is reassuring because, as I described in the post below, I lack the strength to fight.

2) Put on the WHOLE armor of God, not just part of it.

3) The fight involves what is unseen--fighting against what is unseen for results that will not fully be revealed until later (our future hope of glory!). This reminds me of what Jesus said to Pilate as He faced torture and persecution--what looked like defeat by what could be "seen". John 13:36 Jesus answered, “My kingdom is not of this world. If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would have been fighting, that I might not be delivered over to the Jews. But my kingdom is not from the world.”

4) In being charged to put on the belt of truth, I am reminded that what I know to be true comes from the Word, not from my instincts, emotions, circumstances, fleshly desires, culture, opinions of others, etc.

5) My breastplate of righteousness is the blood of Jesus Christ! I have no righteousness apart from Him. At the same time, there is no condemnation for me because Jesus fulfilled the requirements of righteousness on my behalf (lived a sinless life, was the worthy sacrifice to pay the penalty of my unrighteousness so that I could be united with a righteous God). Romans 8:1-3 "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. " Putting on the breastplate of Jesus' righteousness is a powerful tool in the battle against the enemy who is known as "the accuser." Our enemy wants us to believe that we are failures and worthless because those thoughts take our eyes off of the beauty of a God who loves us despite our sin and who solved the problem of our sin, cleansing us from unrighteousness. I love this passage from Zechariah 3. Keep in mind that many scholars believe "the angel of the Lord" is Jesus Himself: Zecharian 3:1-10 Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord, and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him. 2 And the Lord said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you, O Satan! The Lord who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is not this a brand plucked from the fire?” 3 Now Joshua was standing before the angel, clothed with filthy garments. 4 And the angel said to those who were standing before him, “Remove the filthy garments from him.” And to him he said, “Behold, I have taken your iniquity away from you, and I will clothe you with pure vestments.” 5 And I said, “Let them put a clean turban on his head.” So they put a clean turban on his head and clothed him with garments. And the angel of the Lord was standing by. 6 And the angel of the Lord solemnly assured Joshua, 7 “Thus says the Lord of hosts: If you will walk in my ways and keep my charge, then you shall rule my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you the right of access among those who are standing here. 8 Hear now, O Joshua the high priest, you and your friends who sit before you, for they are men who are a sign: behold, I will bring my servant the Branch. 9 For behold, on the stone that I have set before Joshua, on a single stone with seven eyes, I will engrave its inscription, declares the Lord of hosts, and I will remove the iniquity of this land in a single day. 10 In that day, declares the Lord of hosts, every one of you will invite his neighbor to come under his vine and under his fig tree.” This passage tells me, yes, my garments were filthy, but Jesus gave me something new to wear--a robe of righteousness--His righteousness. Satan's accusations are wrong! Because of Jesus, I have a new inheritance, a redeemed life with God--a shadow of which I know now to be realized in its entirety in the future!

6) The gospel of peace is my inspiration to fight and my means by which to fight.

7) I love that the shield of faith is introduced by the clause "in all circumstances". The difficulty of faith is in the circumstances for me! Some circumstances make it easier to have faith, but other circumstances really test faith. I think of how Abraham trusted in God's goodness love, and righteousness even as God told Him to sacrifice his son. Those circumstances did not make sense, yet the God in whom Abraham believed during confusing circumstances proved Himself faithful just as Abraham trusted He would. In the confusing circumstances of my life, sometimes my faith is more like the father who came to Jesus for healing of his demon posessed son: Mark 9:21-24 And Jesus asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. 22 And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” 23 And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” 24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” When I exercise the little faith I have by coming to the Lord, He is faithful to answer my prayers to grow my faith in Him. I should never forget that my faith itself is a gift from Him! Ephesians 2:8-9 "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast."

8) I love that one of the weapons is the helmet of salvation--I belong to Jesus and that Jesus has already saved me from my enemies--satan, sin, and death! This victory was won on the cross and I will taste it in its entirety when I get to be with Him in glory!

9) The Sword of the Spirit is the Word of God--the Bible! This is all the more reason I need to be in the Word--reading it, learning about it, knowing it, memorizing it, measuring all things against it, and looking for my answers in it. Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." I ought to open the Word of God regularly, especially when I am feeling weak.

10) Prayer is another important tool with which I can fight. I can go to my Loving Father and ask for help! Prayer expresses my reliance on God and my faith that the strength I need comes from Him. Prayer expresses my confidence in the All-Powerful, All-Wise, All-Loving God who delights to help me fight. Prayer invites the Holy Spirit to do His work in my heart. Jesus shows me how to pray. Luke 11:11:1 Now Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he finished, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples.” 2 And he said to them, “When you pray, say: “Father, hallowed be your name.Your kingdom come.3 Give us each day our daily bread, 4 and forgive us our sins,for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us.And lead us not into temptation.” 5 And he said to them, “Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves, 6 for a friend of mine has arrived on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; 7 and he will answer from within, ‘Do not bother me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed. I cannot get up and give you anything’? 8 I tell you, though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his impudence he will rise and give him whatever he needs. 9 And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 11 What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; 12 or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” As I stumble for words to pray, the Holy Spirit helps me: Romans 8:26-27 "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."

11) I get to fight on behalf of my beloved brothers and sisters in Christ by praying for them!

12) The Lord wants me to perservere. So much of life here on earth is about enduring through difficulty and uncertainty (this theme is repeated in the letters from Jesus to the churches--to us--in Revelations). The Lord is my strength to perservere!

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for the tools you provide to fight against our enemy with the strength you provide. I pray that we would regularly go to you--for strength and equipping. Father, I pray for my brothers and sisters and for myself as we fight against the lies and the accusations of the enemy who wants nothing more than for us to take our eyes off of your beauty and who will employ any means to do this. Help us to be alert. Help us to be grounded in your Word and in your character, and in your love for us! Help our faith where it is lacking. We pray all of this in Jesus mighty name. Amen

Ultimate Fighting

1 Timothy 6:12 "Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses."

A very dear friend of mine is not a strong swimmer and gets nervous when she is in water. When she was little, she almost drowned in a swimming pool. She was telling me that one of the first dates with which her husband surprised her (before he knew of her aversion to water) was going kayaking. Despite her fear, she bravely decided to go forward with the date and stepped into the kayak. The thought of falling into the water did cross her mind though. She anticipated what she would do if she fell out of the kayak. Knowing that it could be a long, difficult, frightening struggle to stay above water, she thought she would rather just give up and let the water overtake her quickly, allowing herself to peacefully sink to the bottom of the lake…

It is not hard for us to see the irrationality of her thinking. After all, she did have a life jacket on. She also had a wonderful date--who is now her wonderful husband, who is a good swimmer, and who would have instantly dived into the water after her. Any amount of time she would spend fighting to stay above water would likely not compare with the probable years and years of life she had ahead of her to enjoy.

Yet, her story provides the perfect word picture for what my faith is like at times. Sometimes, I just want to give up. Sometimes, I don’t want to do the work of fighting. My lack of the will to fight is not rational. I have read about God’s unfathomably good character in the Word (which tells me He is Loving, Sovereign, Powerful, All Knowing, Forbearing, Mighty, Majestic, Just, Merciful, and Compassionate, and He is ALWAYS this way, infinitely). From His Word, from my own experience and from the testimony of others, I know that He is all-powerful, I know that He is all-wise, I know that He can do anything, and I know that all things are in His hands. From His Word and from His past acts of faithfulness to me, I know that He loves the whole world and me personally, and I know that He cares for all the details of my life. I know that He wants me to go to Him with everything. I know that He is my Help (as scandalous as that sounds!) in all things, and I have experienced this firsthand many times. I know that He is enjoyable and that my greatest joy is in Him, and I have tasted this!

Yet, as irrational as it is, sometimes I still want to give up! Usually, this process begins when I indulge my emotional responses to my circumstances. There is usually a triggering event (anything from a flat tire, to a hurtful action of a friend, to unforeseen expense, to a sudden illness, to tragedy striking a loved one, to running late for an important appointment, to an argument with my husband, etc), or I simply start to feel discontent with my circumstances for whatever reason. I begin to feel weary, sad, hurt, overwhelmed, lonely, frustrated, angry, nervous, or whatever. Although there is nothing wrong with these emotions themselves, they lead me to a crossroad. Sadly, instead of going to the cross (the place of access to God through the sacrificial death and resurrection of Jesus where I can find love, guidance, grace, and sustaining power), I too often ride the wave of these emotions into a sea of sinful attitudes—bitterness, despair, faithlessness, self-centeredness, etc. These sinful attitudes (which are sins in themselves) often manifest in sinful behavior—lashing out with my tongue, wallowing in self pity, losing self control, becoming self-centered rather than loving and sacrificial, etc.

Here is an example of how this works: My husband sins against me and I feel hurt. Then, instead of going to meet with the Father through the Son to receive help from the Spirit, I selfishly indulge my hurt emotions and pursue my own interests (wasting time rather than stewarding it, going on a shopping spree, eating comfort food…fill in the blank). I do these things rather than doing the work of sacrificial pursuing love--forgiving him, praying for him, and seeking ways to bless and serve him from a sincere heart of love for God and for him. I feel guilty and without joy. I feel distant from God, and I feel distant from my husband. How do I get to such a place?

This passage comes sheds a lot of light on my wayward journey:

1 Peter 5:6-11 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 8Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 11 To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”

I understand that this passage was meant to be an encouragement to Christians who faced the threats of death, torture, and all sorts of persecution for their beliefs. My trials are not as dramatic as that, yet this Scripture has something for me too. When I go astray after facing some type of triggering event or emotion, sometimes I use it as a license to not humble myself (or submit myself) before God—to go to Him, to hear His Word, to obey His Word despite how I am feeling, to give Him my anxieties, to be watchful and aware, to be thankful for who he is and what he has done, to enjoy Him, and to ask Him for help. Instead, I simply allow myself to be devoured by my enemy rather than fighting with and in faith—in the character of my God, in His Word, in the promises of my God to restore, confirm, strengthen and establish me, in the dominion of my God forever and ever, and in the fact that any trial and temptation can be overcome through Him.

It is no wonder that this passage is telling us to be sober and alert. Isn’t it intuitive that our enemy would want to attack us when we are weakened by our circumstances and when we are least alert? A friend of mine wisely told me that she has learned to rebuke the enemy at the onset of accusing thoughts rather than following those thoughts into a downward spiral of despair where she can no longer discern what is a lie and what is in accord with the truth of God’s Word. Just as Eve listened to the Serpent's lies and it led her to sin, so when I listen to Satan's lies, it leads me to sin and away from freedom and joy in Christ. Going back to the example of a conflict with me husband, my mind can go from "See, he doesn't love you" to "Of course he doesn't love you, what is there to love?" to "God couldn't possible love you either". These are lies that lead to despair. After all, where am I without God's love? No where! If God doesn't love me, then what is the point? How different this would have been if I would have fought instead of allowing myself to believe one lie, and then another, and then another.

Yes, the Bible tells me to fight, yet the Biblical means of fighting is not what I might be inclined to think of as fighting—it has nothing to do with mustering up strength or will power or action in myself. It has everything to do with going to Jesus in faith and believing His Word rather than lies. Hebrews tells me in Chapter 11: “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” In faith, I must go to him with my circumstances and emotions, confessing my sinful desires, asking Him to renew my mind so that it is inline with His Word, and asking Him for His supernatural strength (Holy Spirit) so that I can obey Him.

How do I go to God? Philippians 4 gives me some great tools:

Philippians 4:4-8 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

From this passage, I get these reminders---

1) Remember the Lord who is the source of your joy! Remember the joy in Him that you have tasted.

2) You know that the Lord is near, act like it! You demonstrate the sincerity of your belief through your actions. Don’t indulge yourself in sinful, unloving, unkind behavior.

3) Rather than indulging your worries, go to God with them. Have a conversation with the Father who loves you. Tell Him what is on your heart. Be honest with Him. Listen to Him too—He speaks to you in the Word all the time!

4) Ask God for help! As you ask though, remember His goodness to you. Remember His faithfulness. Give Him thanks because there is a lot for which to be thankful to Him. (It is amazing what this practice does to lift my emotions).

5) God WILL meet you as you seek Him. He WILL guard your heart and mind in Jesus with peace. He does this in us even when our circumstances have not changed. Whether or not He sees fit to change our circumstances (either way we know He works for our good to conform us to the image of Jesus--see Romans 8:28-30), HE changes the state of our heart when we seek Him.

6) We do have a tool or a discipline that can help us when our emotions threaten to carry us down the wrong path. As my friend, Wendy, says in her book, “Practical Theology for Women”, we can get off the “emotional rollercoaster”. We can meditate on what is noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy. By the way, if we are wondering what these things are, we need only open the Word of God to find them. 2 Timothy 3:16 "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work."

7) There is a peace that comes from obedience of heart and deed.

There is also another comforting thought—the battle belongs to the Lord. Even as the Lord commanded the Israelites on several occasions to fight, He assured them that He went ahead of them on their behalf. (See, Deut 3:18-22; Deut 20:1-4; Joshua 23:9-10; 2 Chronicles 20: 16-17; Nehemiah 4:10-20; Zech 10:5-6) We have victory through Him. HE is the One who will make us stand!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Forgive me for my lack of fighting and for my lack of endurance. Rather than going to you, I am too often content to be a puddle on the floor. I so easily give up, give in, and indulge my own sinful desires. Please help me, grow me, and change me. Thank you that I have access to you through the costly price of your Son’s life. Thank you Jesus, for winning this access on my behalf even though I did not deserve it then and do not deserve it now. Show me how to be alert and sober so that when I find myself in vulnerable times I would not be such an easy target for my enemy who wants to devour me. Thank you for revealing to me in increasing measure my sin and your goodness, as it only demonstrates what great love you showed in choosing me, dying for me, and living with me everyday. In Jesus’ Mighty Name, Amen